Advice from men on gaining weight

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by DarkAngel19, Oct 7, 2007.

  1. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    Cliffs at the bottom:)

    I have been with my SO for 2 years this december and it's been a great time. We are very well suited, similar likes-dislikes-habits-values, all that jazz. However, we have had some rough spots as well, like I got pregnent this April (aborted) and that was really stressful. Right around that time, as is to be expected, I started gaining weight. At first it was really strange, I hadn't changed my habits at all and I gained about ten pounds in a month. Now that's a lot for one month... it turned out I was pregnant, and that explains some of it, but it's like my body decided not to go back to normal.

    I do cardio at the gym between 2-4 times a week, plus walk my butt of all over my campus, and still I steadily gained weight. Now, I have a bad history with food, I used to be anorexic/bullemic for years, including when my SO met me. He played a big part in getting me off that wagon. As most of you know, a/b tanks your metabolism... I eat maybe 500-1000 calories a day in order to maintain weight, any more than that and I gain.

    So I've gained probably 20 pounds since he met me, and our sex life totally stopped. I tried to give him head, all the cool tricks that he likes... nothing. He would never initiate and twice I would be giving him head and he went soft.

    Finally, today I said, "what the hell is going on?" and he said he wasn't attracted to me anymore because of the weight gain. He likes skinny girls, not bigger girls.

    Here are some pics for reference...

    [​IMG][​IMG]

    So, my question is this... once this happens, do guys ever get that attraction back? or once it's gone, it's gone? And will they ever really believe that you will keep the weight off, or think about breaking up because they've "seen what you're really like?"

    Basically, I can lose the weight, but is it too late for the attraction factor between me and him?

    Cliffs: I was skinny when I met my SO, now I've gained 20 pounds... is there any chance of him being attracted to me if I lose the weight, or is that bridge burned?

    DA
     
  2. deleterious

    deleterious OT Supporter

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    is that you before?
     
  3. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    Oh, yeah, sorry, "Before" is the first pic, "After" is last. I couldn't find a good one showing my pudge;)

    And to my knowledge he's not considering breaking up with me, but I will break up with him if he continues to with-fucking-hold sex. I think he won't, but still... do I really want to force him to have sex with me when I know he isn't attractive to my fat-ass??

    Man...

    DA
     
  4. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    still lookin pretty decent to me. Anyways.. your diet plays a huge role in your weight gain/loss/maintenance, so maybe consider revising that in addition to your gym routine.

    The attraction can always come back
     
  5. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    IMO he seems pretty shallow to say that to you
     
  6. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    After 2 years if 20 lbs kills the attraction there is probably something else going on.
     
  7. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    yes it can come back. in his case, you prob just have to lose the weight.

    however, it may be more screwed up than that -- there might be some issue he's not confronting
     
  8. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    you were hot as hell before.

    you still have a nice face, i just can't tell what your body looks like.

    honestly, if i started dating a knockout like you and then she gained 20 pounds, i would lose some attraction for her. however, if she lost the weight, the attraction would come right back. i see no reason why it wouldn't.

    consider running every day to the gym (if it's on campus and you live near campus), doing cardio there, and then running back. when my ex did that to lose a few pounds (weight had nothing to do with our breakup), it worked like a charm. don't necessarily eat less, just eat healthier (no dressing on your salad, etc.)

    i'm sure you can lose the weight and most likely gain the attraction of your boyfriend back.
     
  9. Barbie™

    Barbie™ New Member

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    .!
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I'm sorry :( For the last few months I've read your posts you constantly brought up your weight and sounded very unhappy. I also remember one of your first posts on this site...it was about your bf and how he practically has that whole other emotionally-charged relationship via the internet with that girl. No offense, but he sounded then and sounds still like a royal douche bag.

    I understand you don't want to hear that...but I don't know really what to tell you. I understand that gaining weight can make someone lose attraction, but the way you write what he said makes him seem like a dickhead who isn't sympathetic to your situation at all. I mean the only thing you can do is workout more, eat healthier, or dump him since he doesn't seem to be helping your self-esteem in any way.
     
  11. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    Thanks hon, I know your heart's in the right place, no offense taken;)

    I talk about my weight a lot because I have been obsessed with it my whole life... I really need to learn how to let it go.

    He does sound like a douche-bag, I realize that. I don't want to go through a break-up right now though, not until I finish school. I really liked our sex life, enough to stay with him through any crap he pulled, but now that there isn't one, I'm thinking about walking! I just have such a hard semster though... maybe I can last two more months;)

    Thanks for the advice, maybe I can lose 20 pounds in those two months and there won't be an issue *grin*

    *sigh*

    DA
     
  12. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    wow scary :embd:
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I promise my comments are solely because I'd much rather you be happy. I always see your posts and they are literally always about you pleasing him. In the months you've been on the boards I've yet to see you write about anything nice he's ever done for you...I find that interesting. A relationship shouldn't be one-sided.

    More importantly...why would you ever wait to break up with him because of school? That just sounds like you are holding of the inevitable in hopes something will change. And unfortunately unless you see yourself unhealthily losing that amount of weight that fast...or he decides that he is attracted to you as you are now I don't see what will change. It's very sad and very unfortunate to think that your relationship could end over something like this, but when you really think about it it happens all the time-still just isn't very fair. You are hot as hell, and I know you are not at all some kind of whale. You deserve someone who appreciates you for you.
     
  14. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    The only reason I would wait is because our lives are totally entwined, we live in a house together, joint accounts, sharing incomes, blah blah. I have too much work to do to think about anything else! I am about to graduate so I can't mess up this semester or I won't. I know you understand, I saw your pics of your graduation! It's like, my only goal right now:) Everything else is a side-dish, including all the stupidness with my SO. But the weight thing just got me down... I have had those issues my whole life, I was finally feeling healthy! But he's right, I have gained weight, and that's not healthy. Even other guys agree that they would lose attraction based on weight-gain, and I definitely don't want this to happen again with another guy...

    Thanks for your advice, I will definitely think things through tonight while he is away at work... man:(

    DA
     
  15. NightyNight

    NightyNight OT Supporter

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    Love should be unconditional.

    If you want to lose weight, do it for you. Not him. If he's shallow enough to say that to you, fuck his opinion.
     
  16. razi

    razi New Member

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    it sounds to me that there's something else in play here. an extra 20 lbs isn't enough to make a guy stop having sex if he genuinely loves you.

    if he doesn't love you, then, well...
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :hug:
    I understand. When your lives are intertwined it is obviously harder to get out of. I certainly know my last semester these past few months were gut-wrenchingly frustrating, ha ha. I don't even know how my bf could stand me because I was a stressed out mess half the time, yet he was always there for me. I just hope you don't keep holding out for something for the two of you if he's not going to treat you right, you know what I mean? Either way, I'd love to hear how you handle things.
     
  18. 00600

    00600 New Member

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    Maybe he's using your weight gain as an excuse. He may have issues related to the abortion.

    I just got out of a 2 year relationship that had many issues, communication being the key.

    I think one of the nails in the coffin was an accident about 2 months before we broke up. We were using a cheap (free) condom my GF had picked up in a nightclub bathroom. It was extremely thin, and I didn't notice that it had slipped off. It was a marathon session, the kind where you're so exhausted and the orgasm is so great, that you just lie there motionless for 10 minutes enjoying the rythmic contractions of her orgasm.

    When I realized what had happened, the shit hit the fan. Both of our moods changed for the worse. I have a 12 year old from a previous relationship who I'm not in contact with, and she has a 3 year old who I have helped raise for the last 2 years. A new child is not something we were planning.

    Thankfully she didn't become pregnant, but our sex life for the following month and a half was practically nonexistant. In the last 2 weeks I had started to warm up again, but by this time she had already found a new "friend" at work.

    I sugguest you talk to your SO about it, mention any issue that may have come up in the last year, anything you can think of that may be bothering him. And try to work it out.

    If it comes down to the simple fact that's he's really that shallow to put that much importance on your body, then kick his ass to the curb.

    My ex was 5'3"/160# when I met her (still had the 'baby fat"), she dropped down to 115# when we started dating, and hovered around 105-110# throughout our relationship. I loved it, but it wasn't the main reason I was with her.

    And honestly, you seem to have the curves in all the right places.
     
  19. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    500-1000 calories isn't enough. Metabolism changes all the time you have to start eating more of the right foods and it will pick up again.
     
  20. HoodRich

    HoodRich Professional Street Nigga OT Supporter

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    I've been in his position before. I never gained the attraction back even after she lost weight, after we had broken up she lost about 30 pounds and i'd throw her a fuck every now and again but never considered dating her again just in case she would balloon back up.
     
  21. Way_fast_Whitey

    Way_fast_Whitey Cause I Can't Stand To See You Treated Bad, I beat

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    It should have never left. but..w/e it can come back im sure. tell him not to be a dick too.
     
  22. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    :rofl: do you control what you are attracted to?
     
  23. 00600

    00600 New Member

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    What happens when you lose your hair, your dick stops working, you're in a car accident and horribly disfigured, you lose a limb, or are paralyzed, etc.?

    If she "balloons back up", then she can lose it again. Though with a proper diet and excercise that won't happen. Aside from serious hormonal changes (pregnancy, cancer, drug side effects, etc.) Weight can always be altered.
     
  24. 00600

    00600 New Member

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    Most people do.


    /postwhore
     
  25. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    look, all you "love should be more then skin deep" people need to step back and stop trying to be so pious. She didn't say anything about him leaving her or not loving her, all he said is that he isnt sexually attracted to her. 20lbs is a big deal when it comes to sexual attraction.

    sucks about your past, but you really didnt think it was a big deal when you saw 10 pounds or 15 pounds? I mean lets put this in perspective. 20 lbs is a LOT of fat.

    [​IMG]

    lose the weight and the attraction should come back.
     

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