LGBT Adventures of a porn store employee

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by Virtualmikey, Feb 18, 2007.

  1. Virtualmikey

    Virtualmikey OT Supporter

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    On the road. Again.
    **Pulled from another forum, thought you would get a laugh.**

    After enjoying several of these "True Work Stories" threads I figured I'd chime in with my own.
    So....I work nights at a pornstore.(please don't ask where.)
    I work freelance video production jobs during the day..(which means I masturbate out of boredom, and pickup the occasional check.)
    To stay sane, I keep a log of random thoughts and events.
    Does anyone else work in this type of setting? Have any stories?
    I'll start things off.
    (It starts slow, but I promise it gets better.)

    COME ON, GUYS
    I had spent the first four years of my twenties in a well paying, but generally hostile and stressful job.
    They promised me a raise soon, but it wasn't really about the money.
    The problem was that I slowly stopped caring about the job and the company.
    I was over-tasked, with little to no ability to delegate.
    It often required around 60 hours a week, plus occasional weekends.
    This left little time for anything other than a Starbucks addiction and maybe premature graying.

    After working on different projects around the city, I came to realize that the world did not begin and end at the doorstep of my then full-time job.

    I told my bosses this one day and they promised to hire me an assistant. They did, but wouldn't let him do enough to actually make a change to my workload. To make a long story short, I told them I didn't like where the position was going and that I was moving on.

    I was done spending countless hours toward a goal I was not passionate about. I was going to concentrate on several creative projects I had been sitting on. There was the movie I had written, which at that point, had been in production for about 5 months.
    There was my budding career in "video production/visual effects/3D Animation/Whatever the gently caress" that I wanted to get off the ground.

    But those jobs were hard to come by.

    In the meantime, I had to find a way to support myself with as little work as humanly possible.
    I looked all over town for mindless jobs.
    shipping clerk. cashier. retail. customer service. office admin.
    Everything but fast-food.
    They all required more effort than I was willing to invest.
    Where were all the brainless and useless positions?
    I know it sounds awful, but I wanted to be able to concentrate on creative work, rather than be stressed out by a job I had to take in order to survive.

    I kept interviewing, hoping to somehow find a golden paycheck in exchange for mind numbing stupidity.

    I thought I had found it in an office admin position for a downtown real estate company. I'd be answering the phones, scheduling meetings and processing invoices. Pretty safe, right?

    The interview went well until the office manager said something that caught me off guard. While discussing the great wonders of the company, she uttered the phrase:
    "triple bottom line incentive value"
    I know I was looking for dumb, but really....
    It took all my strength to not jump up on the desk and piss in her eyes.
    This is what I was running from.
    This simply would not work.

    Dammit.

    But seriously.....
    The E-Bullshit boom was over. Who the gently caress still talked like that?


    THE AD
    I saw an ad.
    "Adult Video store looking for a friendly and professional salesperson.
    Hourly wage, plus commission."

    Aw, working in a porn shop.
    It's one of those things that sounds like fun in theory.
    Actually doing it is a a little different.
    Oh, it's fun. And strange. And awkward.
    Try keeping a straight face when a 40-something soccer mom in a Garfield t-shirt asks "Is this any good?" while holding up a copy of "Hitter in the Shitter".

    But I'm getting ahead of myself.

    I emailed a resume and they called back that same day.
    I would interview at the store the following morning.


    THE INTERVIEW
    It was a small store in a seemingly upscale residential neighborhood.
    A large sign and sandwich board proclaimed "Adult Video Arcade and $5 DVD's"
    Children were playing kickball in a front yard not far away.
    An elementary school across the street only further cemented it's status as the Burning Cross in Pleasantville.
    I was embarrassed to be there. I stood half a block away, and waited until there was no traffic to sneak inside.
    The first thing I noticed was that it reeked of band-aids.
    Otherwise, the interior was pretty standard.
    Dildos and other random insertables lined the back wall, flanked by floor to ceiling DVD's.

    I told the cute punk-boy behind the counter that I was here for an interview, and was quickly ushered into a back office.
    The store manager sat at a large and unkempt desk.
    He actually wore a shirt and tie.
    I was glad I had at least put on corduroys and a nice sweater.
    The first question out of his mouth was,
    "Do you steal?"
    "Uh...no."
    "Have you ever been convicted of theft?"
    "Wouldn't that go along with the not stealing?"
    "We've had a lot of problems with theft."
    "Sorry to hear that. But no..I don't."
    "Good."

    After that, it was all surprisingly normal.
    We actually hit it off quite well and got to talking.
    I was honest about already working free-lance during the day and wanting a mindless job by night.
    I flat out said:
    "I'll work my rear end off but, this is only for extra cash. I have no ambition of owning the company."
    He appreciated the honesty.
    He didn't care much for his full time job and really wanted to be a photographer.
    We spent nearly two hours talking about life and our different pursuits.
    The conversation was great until he asked:
    "What's your dream?"

    It was a perfectly honest and sincere question. I looked around the room to collect my thoughts and....snickered at the irony. I would have broken into a laugh, had I not caught the serious look on his face.

    Apparently I was the only one to notice that this discussion was occurring in front of a big-screen TV featuring a vehemently reluctant bukkake princess.

    We're discussing life goals and dreams while we're watching a girl throw her own away?

    Nothing says "I wish I had finished college" better than a whimpering face covered in the semen of twelve men.

    "I'll have to get back to you on that."


    MEH.
    Two days later, I had the job.

    I really didn't want to be doing this.

    But I did ask for a mindless paycheck....and it always sounded like fun....

    It was different when you were behind the counter, having to explain to a customer that you were not going to put his cock ring on for him.

    I didn't really know what to expect, or sometimes where to draw the line with people.

    I'd read different porn clerk blogs, but they were usually by a straight woman in an adult "video only" store.
    I was a gay male, dealing with mostly gay customers, in a full service adult store.
    We sold all manners of toys, sex dolls, lubes, cock rings, pumps, poppers, and had a large video arcade equipped with glory holes and group booths.
    We carried a wide range of DVD titles, enveloping everything from mainstream sex to such fetishes as squirting, midgets, torture, shemales, waterports and scat.
    Though for reasons I never cared enough to establish, they refused to carry bestiality porn.
    Go ahead and poo poo in my mouth, but leave that horse in the stable!

    Every day was a series of contradictions.

    Many customers (especially the arcade patrons) would literally run for the door when they were done.
    They'd gotten off and wanted to get out as quickly and discreetly as possible.
    You think we'd afford them that ounce of dignity.
    But no, we needed to greet them on their way out.
    This resulted in many horrified "deer in the headlights" glares when I'd shout,
    "Have a good night!"

    The married man who can't help but servicing a few aging truck drivers does not wish to be acknowledged.

    I was complaining to a friend when he said,
    "What an experience though. It would make a great story."
    And, here we are.


    THEY EXIST
    They exist.
    Dear sweet loving Jesus.
    They really do exist.
    You've no doubt heard about them. The phantom monsters reviled in fundamentalist sermons and republican rallies. The depraved! The perverts! The sickos who live in the shadows and will sell your children into prostitution and white slavery if only given the opportunity. The freakish psychos that prey upon our progressive and accepting mindset to further validate their deviant practices. They exist only to tear apart the fabric of decent society.
    They really do exist.
    I was blessed with the privilege of talking to one.
    Of course the conversation started innocently enough.

    "Hey There! You got any she-male magazines?"
    It was a pale, overweight, middle-aged man with an overly long mustache that covers his upper lip. His white pinstriped shirt was stained and half tucked into tight khakis. He squinted behind thick oversized prescription glasses.
    I minimized the chat windows and ran a quick search on our computer.
    "Hmm. No. But we do have a large She-male DVD section in the back."
    I leaned over the counter to point behind him, toward the bright reflective metal sign that claimed our entire back wall in the name of chicks with dicks.
    He didn't blink or turn to look. He didn't move a loving inch.
    And that's when I noticed it. The awful phantom stare. His eyes stayed locked with mine, and he smiled.
    "I really enjoy that type of thing." He said, his grin growing wider.
    "Great! Well they're right behind you" I said, and then quickly avert my eyes back to the computer. pretending to read something, and trying to look busy.
    I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, and he hadn't moved. In fact he was staring at me and STILL SMILING LIKE A loving STOOGE.
    And let's get something straight. This wasn't a friendly "Pleased to meet you" smile.
    This was a smile that somehow managed to say "Yes, young man! You're going to see this smile when you wake up in my basement, and I stab you in the throat just to gently caress the open wound!"
    I don't know how a smile conveys all that, but his somehow did.

    He walked over behind the computer monitor I was trying to appear fascinated by.
    I sank back in my chair, hoping that the sheer awkwardness of a conversation at that angle would stifle his need to connect.
    Though he wasn't finished, and leaned up over the monitor, trying to look casual while standing on his toes.
    I tried my best to ignore him.

    "I really like it when a young boy dresses up."

    Okay I can handle this. I dated a drag queen for gently caress's sake. A man in womens' clothing is nothing to be freaked out by.

    "That's cool." I said with a smile.

    Maybe he just wants to talk. Maybe he can't discuss this type of thing with anyone else.
    There's really no harm in listening, but there seemed to be more to him than he was letting on.
    He cautiously glanced around the shop before leaning forward to say:

    "I like to dress up myself too."

    "Cool. Rock on." I said, hoping that my pothead-casual approval will somehow validate his fetish enough to make him explore the DVD's. I followed it up with a friendly noncommittal look that I've perfected over the years. Most people are able to read it simply as "I'm done talking about this."
    But, he continued staring, his strangely permanent smile locked into an eternal display of future death and dismemberment.

    For some reason, it bothered me. It was a look of serious intent, like he was on a mission and this was all a formality before the inevitable outcome.
    He took a step back and slowly looked from my head, all the way down to my feet. I could see wheels turning in his head.
    "You're really cute."
    " Uh....Thanks."
    "Do you dress up at all?'
    "Nope. Not really my thing."
    "Oh I love it! You've never tried it?"

    Yes I realize there is a 50" Plasma TV behind me that serves up 24/7 widescreen HD assfucking.
    Regardless of that, I'm not going to discuss my sexual practices with you. Like any porn store employee, I'm here for the mindless paycheck and cocktail party stories. Please kindly step away.

    "No. It does nothing for me."
    "I'd love to see you model something. Would you try it?"
    "Nope. Sorry man."
    "$200"
    "What?"
    "What if I..."
    And that's when he reached for me! Big, strong liver-spotted hands flying across the counter!
    JESUS CHRIST, CAROL KANE! The call is coming from inside the house!
    LEAVE NOW BEFORE THE HANDS.....
    Oh Jesus! The Hands! They're reaching for you from the shadows, and you're going to be mutilated and raped, and you never did check on the loving children!
    And.....
    Goddammit. I'm falling.
    It must have only been for a split second, but it all happened in slow motion.
    I jumped back in horror as he reached for me. I watched his smile shatter into the sad realization that I was truly disgusted by him. And thats when I hit my head on our back cabinet. I jumped up, picked up the fallen chair, and let the revulsion show.
    "You need to back off."
    He climbed down off the monitor and finger-combed his hair in an attempt to be casual.
    "Uh...I...Uh....I'm gonna go catch a flick."
    And he literally ran back to the arcade.
    I heard the familiar sound of our coin machine, followed by the sound of a pornstar screaming in ecstasy.
    "Take it, boy! Yeah! Take that load you little bitch!"

    Dear God. Why am I here?

    LEATHER DADDY AND THE BOY NEXT DOOR
    For those of you who don't know:
    An adult video arcade is a room separated into booths where one may watch pornography.
    Some people just go in and masturbate, while others make use of the glory holes.
    The glory holes are just waist-high holes cut into the thin walls between booths.
    Through them, men exchange oral and anal sex.
    (No I've never seen a girl wander back there.)
    The patrons are an interesting breed in that they're an amalgam of the world's unloved, unattractive and unfuckable, and they all seem to connect through anonymous sex with each other.

    They generally walk in and casually nod, as if to say "Hey Doris, just stepping out for lunch."
    Some are very personable, and will strike up a conversation before slowly heading into the back.
    Some will come in and look around. Slowly making they're way toward the back, when no one is looking.
    But most come in, nod and run straight back.

    And then he walked in. I was so unprepared.
    He didn't fit into any of the profiles I had mentally cataloged up to that point.

    He couldn't have been more than twenty, and was loving beautiful. His tall, athletic build showed nicely through his snug combination of white t-shirt and Abercrombie jeans. Short brown hair and piercing blue eyes completed the boy-next-door look.
    I wanted to introduce him to my parents and I didn't even know his name.
    Picking my jaw up off the counter, I smiled.
    "Hey. How's it going. Can I see your ID?"

    He walked up the counter, and handed me his driver's license.
    His name was Jake. He was 21.

    "Can I help you with anything."

    Notice how I left that open?

    He shrugged and stared at the floor in embarrassment.
    "No....Um..well...maybe."
    His face crinkled in a sad face as he looked toward the arcade.
    "Is anyone back there? Isn't that where....."

    Oh no. Not this poor boy.
    Please let me take you out for coffee, and hug you until you fall asleep?
    Hell, I'll even suck you off in the dark if that satisfies the primal urge you obviously feel so compelled to act on.

    He would have had no problem getting a date in any gay bar.
    Men and boys would have trampled over themselves for the chance to connect with him.
    But here he was, ashamed and desperate to connect with another guy in some small way.
    "I don't think so." I tried to discourage him.
    But, I turned to the booths and realized he had already locked eyes with someone.
    It was one of our regular customers, in full leather-daddy gear, standing against the arcade wall.
    He winked at me and nodded at the boy.

    Please don't do this. You're young and innocent and...well, this handlebar-mustached, sixty-year-old, Rebel Without a Cause is here EVERY DAY!

    I tried to give him a pleading look, but he'd already made up his mind. He followed the old man back into the shadows.
    I watched them go, and saw the old man grab him by the back of the neck to guide him into a booth.

    Why?
    Is he in the closet? Does he enjoy doing this? Why is he here? Even if he wanted discreet sex, he could easily afford to be more selective. Do I only care because he's young and attractive?

    A few minutes went by and I tried to push it out of my mind. I played solitaire until I heard it.
    A high breathless panting.

    gently caress! I could hear him moaning.

    It wasn't just the subtle, satisfied gasp that one makes when receiving a blow job.
    It was one step below someone yelling in pain. He was getting hosed....and hard by the sound of it.

    Thank God we had condom baskets in every booth.

    Ten minutes later, the boy came stumbling out.
    In that short amount of time his hair had become matted with sweat. He stopped at the counter and smiled as if we were in on the same joke.
    "Hey. Uh, thanks."
    I just smiled and nodded as he walked away.

    Should I have said Your Welcome?
     
  2. jordan04

    jordan04 The seeds of love have taken hold, and if we won't

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    Those were amazing. Where were they from?
     
  3. VulgarTheClown

    VulgarTheClown A child and a gun.....go together like apple pie a

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    Wow, good stuff.

    I need some money and a bullshit easy job sounds good to me. I could do this.

    Too bad my g/f said she doesn;t wanan date a dude that works in a porn store.
     
  4. Diesel Freak

    Diesel Freak ♂♂ Closet Crew OT Supporter

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    Nice, thanks for posting.

    I recently went to one of the porn stores here. It was kinda creepy. :noes:

    Shitty selection of gay films too. :(
     
  5. camarosrool

    camarosrool yes i am

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    wow the creepy guy gave me flashbacks from my 3rd shift at a gas station job
    shudder
     
  6. charles foster kane

    charles foster kane New Member

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    Something Awful, I'd say

    gently caress is auto-substituted for fuck by their forum code
     
  7. jordan04

    jordan04 The seeds of love have taken hold, and if we won't

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    Thanks. I was wondering why gently caress was thrown in. Haha, thank god for context clues.
     
  8. julia!

    julia! New Member

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    I'm sad for the young guy. good stories. i worked at blockbuster and have some pretty funny storie sbut I doubt they'd top these.
     
  9. stolid_agnostic

    stolid_agnostic One who is both stolid and agnostic. Get a diction

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    gosh I sorta wish I could have worked at a place like this at sometime in my life: what a learning experience. also, what could possibly phase you after? you'd have to be open to all sorts of people later
     
  10. RX Bandit

    RX Bandit Sell You Beautiful »

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    I feel really bad for the kid. Being in the same boat is why I'm extremely hyperselective and my friends are overprotective as well. :hs:
     
  11. homi

    homi e-cool OT Supporter

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    wow what a thread

    dont know if i could work at an adult video store after reading that...

    have u quit or are you still working there
     
  12. Diesel Freak

    Diesel Freak ♂♂ Closet Crew OT Supporter

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    Speaking of SA... has anyone read Tales Of A Street Sweeper? :bowdown:
     
  13. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    :rofl: at "JESUS CHRIST, CAROL KANE! The call is coming from inside the house!"
     
  14. pdb574

    pdb574 New Member

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    That's awesome! My next door neighbor in college worked at an direct adult video. Loved the stories after I got a good bj....
     
  15. keleko

    keleko yes, he is

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    :repost:

    from like, over a year ago, and she stopped writing when she left the store
     
  16. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ...nice.
     
  17. stolid_agnostic

    stolid_agnostic One who is both stolid and agnostic. Get a diction

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    :rofl: at this thread resurrection
     
  18. disgusting

    disgusting is this a girl or a guy? b/c i got a hard on OT Supporter

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    good read

    last story is like :eek3: :naughty:
     

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