SRS adopting poor behaviors

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Hellcat, Apr 17, 2008.

  1. Hellcat

    Hellcat New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2007
    Messages:
    1,449
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Upper Michigan
    (to prevent totally negative impressions, i will preface this by saying that other than this behavior, I have never had any problems with my dad at all. he's gone very much out of his way to help me numerous times, and supported his/our entire family since he was 17 :hs:)

    When I was a child, I started to notice my dad would do things with blatant disregard for rules or laws - not anything terrible, but just minor things that would make me be like "dad! you're not supposed to do that!" and he would always have an explanation for it.

    he seems to think certain rules don't apply to him, generally, and he lives his life in that sort of manner. just as a few examples, when getting diesel, he gets the #1 stuff that isn't supposed to be in vehicles, at gas stations where he can position his truck so the cashiers can't tell. he absolutely refuses to wear a seatbelt, he does shady stuff with finances (we all think so, but no idea really), does not follow local regulations (for building, environmental rules, etc), and so on. he also steals things, but i won't get into that.

    Also when applied to other people he is like this. if someone turns out in front of him, he speeds up :noes:(i guess to scare them?). he has put his life at risk getting into almost-fights with young guys (yelling at them over their music) and is never afraid to openly say what he thinks to people...even brutally so, and even if it's ill-advised.

    i wouldn't say he is anti-social, but he seems to value his own motives and instincts over all others (except his family).

    i know i can't change him, but i'm afraid at times that i have adopted these "values" subconsciously. i was always scandalized, yet impressed, as a kid with how much he was able to get away with.

    i've noticed my disregard for certain rules, feeling like they don't apply to me if i can't get in trouble for them (traffic rules, just as a specific example). i have also stolen a few minor things when i was younger (presents for others that i didn't have money for), before i even realized he was like this :o

    i am wondering, is this headstrong arrogance something i've learned/adopted from him? sometimes i have a tendency now to look at the world as "my ballgame" per se, and if people inconvenience me, I feel very "you're in my way."

    should I continue to work to completely eradicate this behavior? Is there some other factor I'm not seeing here? :hsd:
     
  2. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    I would try your best to lose these dominant male monkey egotistical behaviors.

    What's the point of speeding up when someone pulls out in front of you? Once you do it, they won't say "Whoa, that guy was a bad ass." --- In fact, they probably didn't think about you for a second, and are just concerned about getting where they are going.

    Stealing? Not man enough to earn the things you want in life? Most other men aren't stealing, so do you always try to take the easy way out?

    Yelling at people for having loud music? Yeah, they are probably trying to show off their music, and it's probably because they are truly insecure. I'm sure they weren't trying to offend you or anyone else. Just trying to look cool. Or perhaps, as in my case, have bad hearing and simply have to have it loud just to hear it.

    I'm not really directing these questions at you. I realize you didn't do all of these things. I'm just trying to show you how stupid these actions truly are.

    People who are successful in life are experts at making friends and allies. This "you're in my way" mindset will only make you enemies.

    I know exactly how your Dad is, because my grandpa and my Mom is the same way. Chillingly, they do a lot of the stuff your Dad does.

    People like this are nothing more than schoolyard bullies, and if you know anything about the psychology of a bully, they are always the most insecure kids on the playground. It doesn't change as you get older.

    And yes, of course these behaviors were learned from your Dad. Fortunately, you can unlearn them.
     
  3. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2007
    Messages:
    12,791
    Likes Received:
    20
    Location:
    Nowhere
    Become some kind of cop/detective and use your knowledge/instincts to catch people that are above the law like your dad. I fit your description to a much lesser degree but wont be having kids or "training" anyone as your father has.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Parents work as an example, kids take over this example.

    There is no rule that is absolute. Rules are merely guidelines.

    For example.The rule is; You aren't allowed to go outside after 1 am. A fire breaks out at 2 am in your house, the next minute everyone runs out on the street in order to save their own lives, you broke the rule.

    Emergency's are a classical rule breaker, showing that rules are man made, and therefore not absolute. Some people treat them as the ultimate thing.

    Rules are there for a reason, namely to make us stay out of trouble. However some people falsly consider it as some sort of ultimate goal to abide by the rules. By breaking the rules your dad is setting a bad example and getting into trouble. But that's not the point you see

    You dad lives like he 'wants' to live. That's why he disregards the rules, its his ultimate way of living so to speak and therefore wouldn't allow anything to destroy his little world. But the reality is that people shouldn't live like they want to live, but live how they should live. And because your dad cannot accept or understand the concept , its that reason why he's so stubborn. He needs to be explained 'why' , its wrong since he's oblivious to the reality.
     
  5. Victoriono

    Victoriono New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2007
    Messages:
    131
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Sounds to me like you need to start take responsibility for yourself.

    You've identified the problem. You know where you got it from. Now stop dwelling on that. Work on the solution, you can't change your father.
    Feeling sorry that you have these problems won't solve anything, you will just end up walking around in circles asking yourself the same questions; Why am i participating in these behaviours?, Have i gotten those behaviours from my father? etc.

    Yes.
     
  6. Hellcat

    Hellcat New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2007
    Messages:
    1,449
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Upper Michigan
    I appreciate the responses in this thread. It's given me a lot to think about and consider.

    And I do understand I can willfully affect change in my own behavior and responses, it is just a slow process at times to not give in to initial impulses.
     
  7. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2006
    Messages:
    4,153
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Its every males instinct to assert his dominance or atleast to not be dominated. I respect people that will make a fuss to stand up for things they believe in (i.e. your father thinks its rude to have your music so loud everyone else can hear it). Thats called being an individual and having character. Rules were meant to be bent and sometimes broken, and life would be pretty fucking boring if everybody was a drone doing what they were told to do.

    IMO the more you see your parents as wrong and bad, the more you will see yourself the same way. You are your fathers son, and he has passed down the certain instincts and personality traits onto you, whether through genetic or learned means. Accept these traits as your own, just realize that you don't have to act on them. Lay a nice layer of self control over them. Realize that "your way" will be easier to get if you make more friends than enemies. Attemps at dominating people won't make you many friends, but behind it is a natural instinct that most males have for good reason. You just need to tone your instinct down a notch and THINK about your actions before you act on this instinct.
     

Share This Page