SRS adjusting to a new friend..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DigiCrime, Jan 17, 2009.

  1. DigiCrime

    DigiCrime If Only!

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2001
    Messages:
    32,996
    Likes Received:
    100
    Location:
    St. Louis
    Ths new friend happens to be my boss to and is female so it complicates things a little bit. Six months in going on seven we've become pretty good friends I guess she's been great to work for. Shes overly helpful towards me personally and financially. I'm in a rut financially right now but nothing I have been able to get out of. Some examples..here lately I am in a financial pickle I got stuck with a judgment that exceeds what I make per month so I have to take care of this in two weeks time. Not sure how but I'll manage when I get to court. Sometimes family issues crop up that I need to get away from everyone, or friends that do bug me I need isolation is what I require to get it off my mind...she will let me stay at her house if I need to, for free doesn't ask for any rent.. she doesn't live there but maybe twice a week she has two places. Sometimes I do stay over there, eat the food, shower, watch tv or whatever but I don't wear out my welcome. I get overly busy with work she offers to help which is nice but I am capable of doing it myself (I can understand this a little she isn't lazy that's for sure) She will pay for lunch and dinner/drinks everytime, I try and share the bill but she refuses to let me sometimes. Just things in general makes me :eek3: sometimes not many friends would have gone out of their ways for some of the shit. Way things are going right now I am confident if I needed something right now no matter how bad it was she would go out of her way to get it done. I've rejected a lot of things she has offered rather it's money or just something in general so I feel a little selfish but at the same time I don't think theres much I could offer her. She pretty well has it made.

    I'm a self reliant person, Ive been fucked so many times finaically and emotionally so I've become dependent on myself because in the end only true person you can rely on is yourself. I do get myself into jams sometimes but I always get out of them, no need to ask for help I did it to myself. Sometimes things pop up that can't be helped or a stroke of bad luck. I carry my own load and never ask for anyone to share the weight. Somewhere along the line I get confused is she genuinely a good friend or just bribery to keep me around for her business. Am I being selfish? SHould I give in ? My ego in the way?. I've had many friendships go sour over materialistic things so I try to keep it a 50/50 thing but sometimes she puts in well over 100%

    We did have a little argument around xmas time I was getting a little upset over this stuff and told her I felt bribed, I left and took the day off. She emailed me later in the day and said it hurt her feelings.
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Couple of things.

    First...you're setting yourself to get in a shitload of trouble. You need to stop being financially involved with your boss ASAP. It's a HUGE conflict of interest.

    Second...you talk on and on about self-reliance, but you're not giving off the idea that you are...you say you are, but your actions show otherwise. And I would bet you are projecting that image to her as well.

    Seriously though man, this post has "BAD IDEA" written all over it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2009
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I think its fair to say she is in love with you. Its true that you need to be independent and that you have to peel your own beans in life.But, If you were in love with her it would be good to give her love back with other passionate things, but don't let this materialistic stuff get in the way of what you really want need in life. At this moment you are (wether you admit it or not) completely dependent on her. I would use silk gloves with this case, as it is clear that she isn't giving you materials primairly in this way, but conveying her feeling of love for you in the things that she does for you. If you say or do the wrong things, it might swing severly in your disfavour. But in the end when you become 'truelly independent 'you will have to convey your feelings towards her'. Its not fair to use her in this way if you don't have any feelings of love back. In any case i hope the court case works out for you, and hopefully something romantic could bloom between you two, but if not or even if you need to live your own life and not ride for free on hers. This because as an adult it is immature to be reliant on others if you don't need to.
     
  4. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    Do you find yourself sexually attracted to your new 'friend?'
     
  5. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2003
    Messages:
    55,923
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    I agree with this. I think she loves you or has very strong emotions towards you. But it's true, if you don't have the same feelings towards here, then you need to break off the favors she does for you.
     
  6. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,957
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    You've already hit it haven't you?
     
  7. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2007
    Messages:
    3,795
    Likes Received:
    0
    How the hell are you being bribed? She's trying to help you out...
     
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    I can see a few different possibilities here.

    1. She could be in love with you and is doing this to get close to you or make you like her.

    2. She might be the motherly type and feels a need to take care of you since you are going through hard times.

    3. Money might not mean as much to her as it does to other people. She may have inherited the money or makes so much that it just doesn't matter to her and she'd rather use it to help someone.

    4. She could be lonely and just pays for things so you'll hang out with her.

    5. She may not even be paying for a lot of those dinners/drinks. Out with an employee=business=expense that shit :mamoru:

    6. She could be trying to butter you up for business reasons.

    It's up to you to figure out what's really going on here. You might want to sit her down and talk to her about it and let her know that it makes you a little uncomfortable that she does so much for you. Be nice about it though, telling her you thought she might be bribing you was insulting and rude. You need to find a way to gently pry into her and find out what's really going on. She may just be a really nice person.
     
  9. DigiCrime

    DigiCrime If Only!

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2001
    Messages:
    32,996
    Likes Received:
    100
    Location:
    St. Louis
    I'm not in love with her but I do like her a lot and she knows it. I asked her out once but she said she wasn't interested in a relationship. We do hang out once in a while, have dinner and lunch together. We cook for each other, hell I even helped her do a remodel project for one of her friends I don't even know. We do for each other kinda how things worked.

    She makes a good wage she pays me out of her pocket sometimes when business doesn't go well. She is an employee for Toyota and she is only here a couple times a week for whatever reasons, live here for two days out of the week that is business is partitioned off on the side of the house. There used to be in total 5 people around but now its just me and her. She was going in debt paying out for everything.

    We've been to the casino a lot, even played bingo :rofl: but there is only one girl around and no other guys so I get a small hint that she might be gay or bi which neither of this will change view of her.

    When I first met her I thought there was something there. I seen these little signs and it was like she for real? She stares at me during conversation, winks and smiles sometimes. She bites on glass bottles when drinking, twitches, always nervous, her skin color will change to a bright red sometimes. She emails me all day long with random shit, we finish each others sentences. She has OCD really bad so some of those signs were false but somethings there, shes way to nice to me, that or shes just lonely and will do whatever to keep a friend around. Either way its hard as hell to read

    So I'm trying something new all together, been ignoring her a lot. Tried some sexual undertones but lightly kinda hard cause she changes subject a lot think thats her OCD.

    And no I haven't hit it.
     
  10. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    this still smells like something bad waiting to happen...

    Especially if she DOESN'T like you romantically.
     
  11. DigiCrime

    DigiCrime If Only!

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2001
    Messages:
    32,996
    Likes Received:
    100
    Location:
    St. Louis
    I know hence my skepticism Just not really sure whats going on and I'll never really know. I know she likes me to but probably not in love with me. It could end well and I could need some sauve when it ends... time will only tell but its nice to hear some opinions from other people.
     
  12. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah, I'm hoping it ends well for you, but you have to be prepared if it ends badly.

    Are you actively taking measures to lessen your dependence on her? From the sounds of it, if something happened to the friendship, you would be royally screwed. Not only are you depending on her for a place to live, but also for your job.

    I would be putting away some money each paycheck and looking for a place of your own to live. And you need to move out ASAP.
     
  13. DigiCrime

    DigiCrime If Only!

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2001
    Messages:
    32,996
    Likes Received:
    100
    Location:
    St. Louis
    I dont live with her I'm just around here a lot, I'm still here actually waiting on a guy to sign on so he can help me with something. I'm not dependant on her.. well maybe I am I guess she is my boss and signs my checks but job goes bad always others.

    I have a place of my own I have some family issues is all, dads got a few bolts loose and won't leave us alone. Mom lives with me because she is recovering from cancer, dad lives elsewhere but is incapable of taking care of her but neither refuse to get a divorce because of some mutual bullshit over money and insurance... but he constantly invades my life and hers and it just goes really bad sometimes... thats why I am here a lot to avoid him. Thats a whole other story..

    Worst I can forsee happening is if things really do go bad I'm just out of a job thats all and a friend but these two come and go
     
  14. DigiCrime

    DigiCrime If Only!

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2001
    Messages:
    32,996
    Likes Received:
    100
    Location:
    St. Louis
    well to update my own thread here. turns out she is bi she isnt sure if just gay or what, confused. Says she still likes guys yet but this is her first. I had a hint of it but I wasn't sure. I confronted her about it when she sent an sms to her girlfriend and it accidentally came to my phone instead so when I asked her about it she denied it. Her girlfriend showed up and I told her about it and she said well she just wasn't ready to tell you this is her first time and she was scared of rejection and me leaving.

    Was about an hour later she finally sent me an email explaining everything said she was sorry for lieing to me. Her girlfriend said she isn't in love with me but has a deep care for me or something cant remember how she put it so it explains the showering of things she has done for me. Now that thats all cleared up I think itll turn out good anyway. It doesn't change my view of her at all. I have nothing against a persons sexual preference, what they want to do is their business. She feels embarrassed and awkward now but in time it will change im sure.
     

Share This Page