SRS actually got invited out to a social gathering or what not,but im nervous

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by quamen, Jan 4, 2006.

  1. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    I actually got invited to go to a local bar/lounge type deal from an employee i really never met at a store I visit often. I notices she kinda always acknowledges me somehow when i arrive,but i was always kind of nervous to strike up a convo. Today she says you come in here often,why dont you try going to a bar and relax or something. It caught me off guard,but for some reason I relplied quickly, "why dont you join me then". She quickly took down my number and said tommorow were getting together. So im happy im actually going out and to socialize with people my own age and have a night out.

    The problem is.. I really dont know how to act,what to ask etc. I dont know any of these people and ill be the new kid in the group. As you can see my social skills suck,but overall im a generally nice person. I dont get out much or have many friends due to my numerous jobs and school etc. I usually stick to myself,but im happy im going to be around people enjoying the night. Now how do i go about this?
     
  2. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    Sounds like she might have a thing for you. There's no real need to make a game plan. Just relax you'll be fine most likely. Just try not to be too shy while still being yourself you'll be fine. Don't try to be something you're not either, most people will be friendly and accept you for who you are. The worst thing you can do is be nervous and show it while you're there. Just relax and have fun you'll be okay.
     
  3. lvkyle

    lvkyle I am a punk rocker!

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    You just got to learn to be cool man. Learn to enjoy yourself wherever you go around other people as well. Best thing to do is just relax and go into the bar like your meeting some family members your always comfortable with.

    Just be cool and laid back. Have fun, your anxiety will soon fade. It will take time getting comfortable with this. But the more you do it, and more practice you get the better off you are.

    Talk about and bring up interesting topics. You're going to have to work to get people to notice you and get your attention.

    Good luck, you can do it.
     
  4. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    :werd:

    My advice is when you get there, survey the situation before doing much of anything. See if this girl who invited you out is sticking with/to you or not, who else may be there, etc. I'd say let her introduce you to people, see how they react/act, etc. and THEN you can plan for what you're going to do. You don't have to talk to anyone in-depth if you don't want to, just open your mouth if/when you have something to contribute to conversation.

    Oh, and if you DO think this one girl is sticking with you, don't hesitate to see if she wants to hang out a bit more privately just the two of you; you may find that you're more comfortable in that environment, and that she will give you added confidence around her circle of friends and whatnot.
     
  5. M.O.B.

    M.O.B. New Member

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    I'll save you some heartache and grief, don't go if you are already having doubts and think you will feel nervous in this setting. I was in the same exact situation you were in about a month ago. It was a 2nd date with a girl and her best friends b-day,I was invited and went. I totally bombed and didn';t say much to my my date or her friends. By the nights end I had too much to drink, was sent oin my way, got a dui and lost the girl and my license. To ge to the point I thought I was gonna ace this 2nd meeting but boy did it take a complete 180 and this could happen to you so take heed!
     
  6. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

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    That's the wrong advice. You have to go, or you'll never get to the point where you have good social skills. The most important thing is not to worry about every single thing you're going to say. I know you want to, but just don't. You have plenty to talk about: music, tv, stupid stories involving your job or your life, whatever.
     
  7. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Ugh I hate recommending this but...

    have a couple beer (4-5) before you even go. Relax, chill out, talk about stuff they could talk about and want to talk about and it will go great. They invited you, which means they have already accepted you. You dont have to impress them anymore. You just have no NOT MESS IT UP.

    Basically just be chill and not a fucking wierdo and things will go fine.

    I use to have anxiety too, I find klonopin works like a charm.
     
  8. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    thanks guys for the replies,ill let you know how it went after
     
  9. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    Just get a little flask and if you start to feel nervous go to the bathroom and drink up! Lol, just kidding. Have fun man tell us how it went.
     
  10. KDazzle

    KDazzle New Member

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    you may be nervous at first but i think once you get some alcohol in you you'll relax and you can be yourself. just make sure you don't overdo it and get drunk. also, try to see how she introduces you to her friends. if you see her talking to a friend and they kinda look at you while they're talking, they're probably talking about you and it's probably a good sign.
     
  11. svetlanalemon

    svetlanalemon A little blood and vomit on the car seat...

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    i would disagree

    if not now, when? Even if it turns out to be a complete wreck, he'll have the fact that he didnt pussy out... everyone has those situations in their life. If he doesnt go, hes just reaffirming to himself that he cant handle things like that, social gatherings.

    not so good advice
     
  12. lvkyle

    lvkyle I am a punk rocker!

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    Don't be a little girl, just go. If it works out then great. If you bomb and it doesn't work out well atleast you can laugh at your self in a few years.

    It will give you experience and you will learn the hard way of what not to do and say. Social Skills. Learn em.
     
  13. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    I went out and had a good time, and the one girls friend was a hottie. She was feeling me big time more on looks I believe,but i have no game what so ever. I then invited them out to another bar yestereday and they showed up as well. Overall i met a couple cool new friends and it wasnt that bad at all. I just have to work on my convo skills, because i really find myself to be boring ill admit.,
     
  14. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    Well good work then that wasn't so hard was it? Your conversational skills will improve over time as you get more comfortable, etc.
     
  15. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    no it wasnt hard at all,now i have to work on my other areas
     
  16. vanizzle

    vanizzle OT Supporter

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    like tryin to tap that badonkadonk? lol

    gj man, im pullin for you
     
  17. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    :cool: I'm impressed with the results. Good work.
     
  18. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    :bigthumb: Nicely done.

    Why is that? What about you do you think makes you boring?

    I'd say instead of worrying about what YOU think, just be yourself, and talk with your friends.
     
  19. svetlanalemon

    svetlanalemon A little blood and vomit on the car seat...

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  20. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    I just find myself boring with girls I guess,because i dont know what to talk about with them. It seems like i dont have much to talk about and my experiences are limited very much. I have been working hard for a few years with school,3 jobs etc etc. I dont get to go out often,but when i do it just seems i cant find enough to talk about. I have read on a few sites about the girl giving you signs she is into you,but i think i attact more on looks. Im not bragging,but from what I have been told some girls think im cute in which i dont really see why.

    Anyways i think these girls then try to chat with me and im just dull. I cant make them laugh it seems,or figure out what to really talk about. I just have to work alot on my social skills and how to react in different situations. Im pretty shy and nervous,but try to hide that and I think that causes more trouble then good. The last thing is that im a super nice guy and cant help it. I think sometimes girls are like, he is just trying to get into my pants or what not. That wouldnt be bad lol,but i am generally a very nice guy and cant help it. I mean im very respectful,polite,opened my door for my ex even after dating for like 7 months etc, you get the idea.

    Im 24 and have had only 1 gf in my lifetime. I live a decent life and have a decent income with owning my own business,working part time at another and going to college at night. I really feel the final thing it comes down to is getting to meet more people and put myself in different situations. If i go out like once every 2 weeks or 2 times a month, what are my chances of actually meeting girls etc? I think slim to none, so i think i have to get more involved in social activites at school and get out more in general.
     
  21. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    Your social skills can only get better with time. Personally, if a person gives off a lot of positive energy, no matter how boring the subject matter is, it's good to be around them and fun. You don't neccesarily need things to talk about because it's natural to sometimes don't if you don't know the person. That's why you find things in common, discuss that. Just remember though, positive energy.
     
  22. Digital_angel

    Digital_angel New Member

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    Okay so this may sound weird but what I helps me best is to think about things that I want to talk about. Remember to smile, calm down and just ask questions. Its better if you dont know the person, what do they like, music they listen to, then as you get more comfortable continue further with the conversation. I also recommend going out with your friends a lot, youll pick up their positive energy, go to bars with them that way if you are too nervous at the moment to meet someone new at least you can still go back to your friends.
     
  23. Ded Guy Walkin

    Ded Guy Walkin New Member

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    the less you try to impress her, the more relaxed you'll be. Then you can be yourself. The worst thing that can happen is you two decide to just stay friends.

    But you're definately correct, I met most of my friends through other friends. Have fun man, relax!
     

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