So basically I was living life, enjoying it, reaching for my goals, when suddenly, a pitted scar appeared on my face. I had no inflamed acne whatsoever, so it kind of boggled me, but I thought whatever, maybe I was just aging. Then two more pits appeared, I went to a dermatologist. He said I had blackheads[non-inflamed acne that doesn't swell and cause redness and isn't too visible] all over my forehead and cheeks. I asked him..... blackheads can cause scarring?!?!?!? He said yes, gave me some meds [retin-a and antibiotics] and sent me on my way. The meds are helping remove some of the blackheads, but the scarring has become quite disfiguring. I always thought these type of scars only came from cystic acne, but I guess I was wrong. 2 months have passed since those first few pits popped up, and my face has become quite fucked up. Basically, either this comedonal acne has caused some unusual amount of scarring, or I have a genetic autoimmune disorder where my immune system is eating away at my face. I guess the doctor is still researching, but either way it sucks. I have become extremely anti-social. I don't feel like going out anymore. I just stare into the mirror for hours, but only at home. Outside of home, I avoid mirrors and reflective surfaces like the plague. I remember the other week walking up to my friends car cause we were going to go grab dinner, and I saw my reflection, and I damn near fell to the ground and starting crying. I have lost damn near all self-esteem and self-confidence. Everytime I talk to people I always back away or try to find a dim corner of the room to stand in. And I can't concentrate on the conversation because I keep thinking they are looking at the texture of my face and not me. The thing that has been killing me the most is my girlfriend. I'm afraid to see her. I'm afraid of her seeing me. The other week I confronted her about my problems, and she just kept telling me that "she isn't that shallow" and that I "look just as good as when I met you" but I still don't feel comfortable. My face is just getting worse and worse. She is amazing and beautiful, best thing that has ever happened to me. I've never felt so comfortable around a girl before, and it kills me to know that my face will probably eventually scare her away. I've seen the other guys waiting in line for her, and I feel so inferior to them now. I used to be really outgoing and social and assertive and now I'm the complete opposite. If she doesn't leave me for my disfigurement, she is going to surely leave me for my massive personality change..... BUT I CAN'T HELP IT, I CANT BE MYSELF!!! I'm in so much psychological distress it's fucking INSANE!!! I've been losing so much sleep. Endless nightmares, waking up 5-7 times a night, work has become such a nightmare because I can't concentrate, I keep thinking about my face, and I'm on the brink of being fired. I keep imagining this life scenario of being a recluse and how unacceptable it is, and so I've been really suicidal. I can't believe how much I've fallen apart in 2 months. I don't know what to do. If it is the genetic autoimmune disorder, it will be very depressing. If it was the blackheads, that will be very depressing too, because I had no idea they were a problem, I HAD NO IDEA THEY WERE THERE. After the dermatologist told me about them, I could still barely see the blackheads sticking my face into a mirror, but yes they were there, very tiny. I've always noticed the blackheads on my nose just as much as everyone else, but I had no clue it was all over my cheeks and forehead. My cheeks were the first to scar up real badly, and my forehead was okay for a while, but a few pits have popped up on my forehead and the depression and distress has amplified quite a bit. I'm going fucknig crazy.