SRS abused last nite..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by desichic123, Apr 8, 2006.

  1. desichic123

    desichic123 New Member

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    so i dont know if my story will make sense but i just really need a place to vent it all out. my boyfriend and i have been together for nearly 3 yrs..and hes always had a temper problem, we would shout at eachother and curse at eachother if we got into heated fights, but last night was the worst thing..i never thought it would've happened to me.

    it all started because earlier in the evening last nite we had a stupid misunderstanding which turned into a mini fight and he left (he tends to just walk out and drive somewhere and then come back) but this time instead of coming back like 30 min later, he didnt come back till about 2 and a half hrs later, and he kept ignoring my calls, etc. i was really really upset and in my stupid mind, i took about 15 pills of his pain Rx medicine..because it helps you to fall asleep really fast, so i didnt want to think about how hurt i was. well he did come home and didnt care that i took the pills..he just said "i dont want to deal with that bullshit" so yea..i was laying in the bed and he told me to scoot over so he could go to sleep too and he just started talking stupid shit, like "you deserve this..you always start fights, stupid bitch..blah blah" and bc i was feeling drugged up i just told him to shut up, so he got up and said he was going to go out with some of his boys. i got realllllly upset at that and thats where all the physical fighting started. i took his wallet and hid it so that he couldnt go anywhere, then he took my purse that had my cell, wallet, and car keys and hid it (and i still dont know where its at, but he doesnt have his wallet either) after that, its just a big blur..i remember him slapping me and punching my sides and arms really hard. he put some of my stuff outside his apt. door and tried to drag me out too, but i fought back. i scratched him up alot to where he was bleeding..he slammed my head against the wall and shook me repeatedly..at some point, i started literally screaming bc it hurt and he choked me..really choked me, to where i couldnt breathe and was feeling really light headed. i really thought he would kill me. throughout all of this, he was saying how he could see how my other exes cheated on me and im psycho and i was never worth 3 yrs, etc.. just alot of mean and hurtful things. i told him some mean things too though. and right now, this morning, he already went to work..i slept on the sofa and i have two huge bruises on my arm and leg..and i have marks on my neck from where he was choking me..i also have a huge bloody scratch on my other arm and my finger feels like the bone popped out or sprained or sumtin..it just hurts and its swollen. i know at some point we both said the relationship was over, for me, its over because i dont know how you can treat someone you "love" like this...and for him, because he "cant deal with my shit" im only posting here, bc i hope i can find some support in this..i feel like i cant tell my friends...at least not yet and the worst part is im trapped here, bc i cant find my damn purse wit my keys and cell. my heart is totally shattered..why did this have to happen to me?? i cant stop questioning what happened..what started it..why do all my other friends have wonderful guys who would nvr lay a hand on them..why me? what did i ever do to deserve this? i cant stop crying and i cant think straight..im so tired physically and emotionally..i dont know if i just want to die bc i want him to suffer or what...im so confused and hurt
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2006
  2. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    You probably won't do this, but you should call the police and have this documented. They will arrest him on a domestic violence charge which will show up as a prior WHEN this happens again, either with you or to someone else.

    You are right on one thing, people who "love" each other don't do that to each other.

    My guess is that you two will kiss and make up until the next "misunderstanding".

    In the meantime, when your cell phone rings, you will find your purse.
     
  3. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    Damn. Sorry to hear. Going to the police could be good or bad... depending on his temper. Things could turn out worse if he's not that smart...

    But. You already made the decision to leave. PLEASE STICK WITH THIS. No matter if he comes back all nice and apologetic... DO NOT.. I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT go back or talk to him ever again. You are correct, someone who loves you does not do that kind of thing.

    I would seek professional help for proper guidance as to what to do moving forward as well.
     
  4. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Holy Doodle Batman. I'd be gone so fast....Violence never solved anything.
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Either for revenge, or for the sake of the next woman he gets with, report this man's actions while your bruises haven't healed.

    May I ask what kind of men you usually find attractive?
     
  6. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    He shouldn't have hit you, but it sounds like this whole thing could have been avoided. He was going to leave and you took his wallet and hid it? That did nothing but escalate the situation.

    Sounds like you both need to seek some professional help.
     
  7. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    i agree with this man. why would you take his stuff? are you 12 years old? that's really immature of you. he shouldnt have done what he did but you really didnt help this situation at all.
     
  8. --¬BupiteR--¬

    --¬BupiteR--¬ New Member

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    I'm sorry to hear that. :(

    The one thing I never get, is how a girl can hit a guy and if a guy is hitting back, just because he's stronger, he's the one who gets in all sorts of trouble.

    Anyways, I would find your stuff ASAP and get out.
     
  9. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Well, I am going to now give you the cliffs of what I just spent a good 20 minutes writing earlier, and then lost because I got logged off OT. (FRRRICK!)

    i don't know you, but I know you, trust me.
    This relationship needs to end about 2 years and 10 months ago. You have to swallow your pride, muster up your courage, take some of your shit, and get the hell out of there today. WALK out if you can't drive. Go to a fucking pay phone if you have to and call a womens shelter or something and they will advise you on what to do next and how to stay safe.
    You both bring out the worst in each other, which makes for a highly toxic relationship, and it WILL kill you eventually if you choose to do nothing about it.
    Your life's purpose is NOT to get your ass kicked and die, or to kill yourself for the attention of an abusive man.

    I promise you there are better things out there for you. The life you imagined you wanted is absolutely possible, if you make the choice to UN-STICK yourself.

    You will need to ask for help and accept help from friends family and professionals to get there, but for now, just worry about the 1st thing you need to do, and yeah, it's the hardest, but get yourself away from that situation.

    Choosing to do nothing is the same as choosing to let this happen again later, and that is what you have done for the last three years, so that is the answer to the question "what did I do to deserve this?" You did nothing, and so you got more of the same crap that you've been getting all this time.
    It won't end until YOU end it, and start preparing for all the love and happiness that you are worthy of.
     
  10. desichic123

    desichic123 New Member

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    well when i met him 3 yrs ago..he was the nice guy..very polite and understanding, he would never even raised his voice at me until about yr into the relationship
     
  11. desichic123

    desichic123 New Member

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    as for taking his wallet, it was bc he took my cell fone and threatened to throw it over his balcony bc he had bought the fone for me for valentines day, so i searched for it outside but didnt see it, so i can only hope that he really didnt throw it
     
  12. This like many domestic violence stituations is not one sided. You are as much responsible as he is. You are hurt because you didn't think that he would physically harm you, but you did the same exact thing to him. You were very controlling AND abusive yourself.

    It's not about him being an abuser. It is CLEAR that you two simply DO NOT get along. Sure you get along most of the time, but so do most people. I'm going to be nice to anyone no matter how much I dislike them until they provoke me.

    I dated a girl who I felt like I wanted to beat quite often because she was so disrespectful and hurtful whether she understood it or not, but I NEVER laid a hand on her even though I had a history of violence problems (against guys). She however did hit me a couple times. BUT the fact that I didn't hit her doesn't mean that it could've lasted. Everyone thought that we were the perfect couple but I was in agony for all but 1 of our 7 year relationship. Now she's in a relationship where they both were hitting each other pretty bad. He's going to trial and she's the victim. I don't see how that is fair. I don't like the guy, but she should be going to trial as well. By the law the police are legally required to make an arrest and prosecute if they believe that there has been a domestic violence attack. The victim has absolutely no say in it. Yet she admitted hitting him herself and they are not pressing charges against her. He has hired a great lawyer and they will probably get no jailtime. But she has asked me to "call someone" if you know what I mean. I didn't tell her that I wouldn't just so she would not ask someone else, but she has no problems putting my life and future on the line for what I view as an act of vengeance, not an act of justice, all while she is still friendly with him! I just think wow now that is an evil person.

    Do you want your boyfriend to suffer? It's going to cost thousands for bail and a lawyer. You will face the possibility of revenge on yourself and your friends and family.

    I know you were looking for support but you're merely a victim of life like we all are. In this case it seems that it has already been settled. You took his wallet, he took your purse. He hit you, you hit him back. It's over and done with. Seeking further revenge will put the karmic debt on YOUR hands.

    I am a very strong believer in fairness. It is NOT your fault but it is not his either. You both are only human. Most people when they get pissed they will show it, correct? For me perhaps it took an extraordinary amount of self control to not act out, but even so I cause some internal damage emotionally to myself. This was a domestic quarrel that got out of hand. Obviously this wasn' the first big argument that you two have had. If you think about it, both of you were emotionally abusing yourselves by letting this relationship continue. You both are also the victim of your own anger and insecurities but not of each other. Both of you need to seek counseling. I went through counseling and it has been a tremendous help. I no longer associate with those who piss me off. It's better for me and for them as well.

    I'm sorry for what you went through. Maybe it is just my tough love approach but I do not believe that continuing to act and feel like a victim will help you get over this. From what I've learned, the only way to get over anything is to either forgive and forget or to just simply forget entirely. Erase him from your life and your memory. If you continue to see him the violence will only escalate because it gets easier to lash out each time.
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Others already point out that you don't see your own role ,this is not because we side with your bf, but both of you must understand that you have only been putting darkness and hatred into the relationship.

    Have you ever asked yourself the question, Is he in a relationship with me so that i can make him unhappy? Did you get together with him, with the thought' im with him so he can make me unhappy? Of course not, you are supposed to make eachother happy and love eachother. Small arguments can lead to BIG break ups.

    Now that both of you made eachothers lives miserable, a blame game is unraveling itself, you are unwilling to aknowledge and accept your own role in it. you always start fights , what he basically means is that you have expressed complaints, and leashed out verbally many times towards him, he reacts bad to that, you react even more bad to that...

    Have you noticed that each time you give that 'wheel of hatred' another spin, only evil will win? I mean if it was just one sided, we could easily say call the cops and leave this guy. But you are just as much responsible as he is. If you get another bf (and im not saying to stay with this guy) but won't it be just the same? Everyone has a line you should not cross, everytime you yell and complain to someone , you come closer into crossing that line, last night your continues arguing,bikering and fighting has made you crossed the line that he would physically attack you. Both of you displaying continues dissatisfaction towards eachother have made both of you more miserable then ever. As you can see, your negativity has led you to 'nowhere' but a complete state of hell and misery, luckely you can blame yourself for contributing to this. My advice is as following

    I suggest you read this Near Death experience that teaches you how to put love and light into a situation, and will help you if followed to prevent future fights from taking place. http://www.near-death.com/forum/nde/000/93.html
     
  14. infinite loop

    infinite loop Statistically speaking, the Yankees do indeed suck

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    as others have said, file a police report.

    more importantly, i'd suggest you seek some form of psycho-therapy. you seem to have some serious, serious issues.
     
  15. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    It sounds like you both have some growing up to do. First off, file a police report. And whatever he says and no matter how many times he apologizes DONT GET BACK WITH HIM! I don't care if you are left with nothing but any guy that would treat you like that does not deserve you. There is nothing that you did wrong in the relationship, he obviously has anger issues. A lot of times people can't tell from meeting him. He could be perfectly normal and such a sweetheart on the outside but when he's angry.. Watch out. So don't blame yourself either for picking the 'wrong kind of guy.' Just stay away from him and seek out some help either through friends or a therapist.

    When I said that both of you have some growing up to do, I meant it. It sounds like you two don't handle confrontation and arguements well. You decide, "oh, I'll keep him here" and take his wallet and swallow pills to make yourself fall asleep. Not helping the situation. At all. If anything, you angered him more. Not good. Not to say it was your fault, but you both need to analyze the way that you handle relationship issues.. just do it away from each other, and don't talk to the asshole. Pack your shit and leave.
     
  16. desichic123

    desichic123 New Member

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    i think you need to shut the fuck up..i didnt ask you if i needed psycho therapy..if a guy who is 80 lbs heavier than u and like a foot taller than u is hitting u i dont think your going to just stand there and take it unless you're a true idiot
     
  17. desichic123

    desichic123 New Member

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    i really agree with this..its definitely both of our faults..i wouldnt place all the blame on him bc all of this anger is two sided..as for a police report, i wouldnt do it, just bc like someone said earlier, it can only make people with horrible tempers angrier and in turn, i hurt him too..i think i just need time to absorb everything that has happened and try to learn from this situation
     
  18. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    That might not be so easy without proffesional help. You can't learn proper boundries if you've never had a rolemodel. People who have been abused in the past won't be able to identify when they are going too far and starting to provoke people because to them those inappropriate boundry crossings seem like normal everyday communication.

    My dad used to beat on my mom sometimes. I used to hate him, but as I grew up I realized that she was provoking him 99% of the time. Month after month she would bitch at him untill finally he couldn't take it anymore. Even today, althought they get along better, she still provokes people, then wonders why they get "defensive."
     
  19. marauder

    marauder New Member

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    You should do what Colonel Panic says it would be best.
    You shouldn't stay with him because it's unlikely it will get better next time he might kill you or seriously harm you.

    :eek4: if he cared for you at all and knew this he would of taken you to hospital to have your stomach pumped straight away.
    I hope they didn't harm you at all :noes:.
     
  20. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    You need to end the relationship and not enter into a new one until you've gotten yourself straightened out. Ignoring the various emotional/mental issues others have pointed out, you also have a drug issue.

    You took fifteen pills 'to help you sleep'.

    Even taking one is an indicator that you turn to the pills to help you get through the rough patches.

    Get single. Get cleaned up. Learn to love yourself, and only then start looking for a new mate. You'll find that you're attracted to, and attract, a vastly different kind of man.
     
  21. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    This sounds like a suicide attempt to me. 15 pills? You need help. You need to see a psychiatrist immediately. No joke. Go. Now. Call. Get some help.
     
  22. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    I really hope you got the hell out of there. I really really do.
    (I PMed you)
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2006
  23. infinite loop

    infinite loop Statistically speaking, the Yankees do indeed suck

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    the fact that you took 15 pills of any kind indicates you have serious issues. i'm nto saying this to put you down, there really isn't any need for you to get so defensive.
     
  24. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    you didn't defend yourself, you shared an equal role in the fight. That isn't to say that excuses his actions, but you still need to take responsibility for your own.
     
  25. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    Get out of your situation as fast as possible! No man should ever hit a woman, especially one they are in a relationship with! I can never understand why some women stay in these situations, or end up going back into them.
     

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