About the "What are we?" talk

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by tqpolo, Oct 18, 2007.

  1. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2003
    Messages:
    4,678
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ATL
    Ok so how do you answer that question without making her your gf and doesn't lose her at the same time?
     
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    meaning you still want to be able to date other people?
     
  3. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2003
    Messages:
    4,678
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ATL
    Yea sort of. I'm not dating anyone else at the moment. I still like to date her for now but I don't see her being my gf.
     
  4. Stev

    Stev Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2004
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    0
    then whats the point of dating?
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    ok. i have a good post on this from another forum.

    take everything with a grain of salt and use your own judgment. the guy who wrote this is really good with women. that's good because he gives good advice but not good because it means he is in a place where he will be able to "get away" with things more easily than the average guy. one sec i have to dig it up my computer somewhere.
     
  6. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    this is argumentitive. the OP obviously has a goal so just give advice for that goal, and argue elsewhere?
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    I found the post. Stuff in bold is stuff I personally would emphasize, but like I said use your own best judgment.

    What I took from this post was

    - what to say
    - accept the risk of her friend-zowning, because that won't matter if you have already shown her good sex. you can just build sexual tension eventually leading to the same thing you already have with her.
     
  8. Stev

    Stev Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2004
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well its difficult to give advice when the background of the problem doesnt really make sense..

    It would be helpful to know the Why..
     
  9. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    I'm not sure if this is what you mean, but I think the OP wants to be able to keep having sex with her while keeping his options open at the same time
     
  10. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    7,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ
    If it's not about "getting to know her" then don't bullshit her.

    "I'm not interested in being in a formal relationship right now. I care about you, and I want you in my life. But until I really really mean it, I'm not going to drag you though my uncertainty."
     
  11. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    Clearly I do not agree with this. I think that is an honest thing to say, but look at the translation.

    However, I also promote a philosophy of doing what works. So take that into account. Other people have different philosophies.

    BlackIce's solution, for example, will lead to her friendzoning you in a permanent way. Clearly that doesn't "work," in the sense that your goal of fucking her while keeping your options open will not be achieved. However it might "work" in the sense of ethical conduct. It depends on your ethics.

    With BlackIce's recommendation, you will lose the poon or get an ultimatum from her.

    That's bad.

    On the other hand, BlackIce's solution might be more aligned with your ideals about honesty.
     
  12. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    7,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ
    It's all about the type of image you have with this girl, and type of girl you're with.

    If you're this pussy whipped, non-assertive guy who says this then yeah... maybe she'll go find someone else.

    I have told multiple girls exactly what I just posted and attraction was gained, not lost.

    I'm not going to agrue or go back and forth about "who's right", because as long as you do SOMETHING about it you're learn from it.

    I don't agree with a lot of those translations, but it also will really depend on the guy saying it, where he's coming from, and how he says it.

    So I'm not going to argue. I said what works for me and he said what seems to work for him.
     
  13. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    7,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ
    For instance: "I'm not into a serious relationship right now" can be coming from some super unconfident guy who who actually has NO options but is afraid to enter something he's not 'ready' for.

    It could also come from a guy who has a ton of options and honestly doesn't want to choose one.

    Words don't mean shit, honestly.

    If I told you I've opened girls with "you have a ridiculously retarded left eye" anybody can analyze it all day but ignore the most fucking important element -- where I'm coming from, how I said it, and where I'm going with it.
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    :hs: I take it back

    Try either one, see what happens
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    You've pretty much got a 50/50 chance either way. It all depends on the answer SHE is looking for at the moment. No matter how you say it, unless she is stupid, she'll figure out that you just want to be casually dating, and still see other people.

    If she's looking for you to step up the commitment, she may drop you because it's not going where she wants it to. Or, she may stay with you to see if you commit further in the future.

    Why waste your time and energy trying to phrase it differently or in a manipulative way? Just be honest with you not wanting to be exclusive.

    What's the worst that could happen? She ends things? Oh well, you weren't looking to be exclusive with her in the first place, so no harm done.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Don't be an idiot. If you don't want to be exclusive then you need to be honest about that. Her pulling the "what are we" talk is a almost 100% because she wants to be your "girlfriend." You can't just bypass the question or throw in comments like "well I really like you" because you are afraid admitting to her that you want to be in an open relationship. Like I said in another thread, you cannot have your cake and eat it too...unless you are upfront with her about what you want in your relationship.
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    Sure he can.

    I regularly see women who put themselves in that situation.

    Its not honorable for him to do so, but it can certainly be done.
     
  18. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    I would like to clarify sth.

    If having your cake is regular sex with this girl, and eating your cake is sex with other girls, then you can, in this instance, have your cake and eat your cake.

    The only thing is that typically the situation doesn't last forever and you will eventually need to put a new girl in "rotation".
     

Share This Page