SRS a very messy situation, and it's killing me, PLEASE help!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by nish81, Jan 12, 2007.

  1. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    11,182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    london
    First off, I'm posting this on behalf of a friend. She's a girl, and 15 years old, same age as me. For the rest of the post, I'm going to speak in first person as if I am her. Anything I write in italics is me, nish81, speaking.

    ---

    ok, im not sure where to start, so I'll just take it from anywhere.
    i have a depression problem. i used to be suicidical and used to be addicted to cutting myself, but when i moved to tanzania I found a new life. slowly i managed to work myself back to a 'normal' state, and rebuilt myself, but i was still very shakey - this was grade 9.

    when grade 10 started, (in august 2006) things started going downhill for me. i was smoking cigarettes and weed, and didnt consider that a problem at the time. my parents couldn't do anything about the cigarettes after my 16th birthday 'cause they're legal there, but i had to do the weed in secret.

    then there are these two guys, ill call them A and B ,they're basically the root of the problem. A was basically my boyfriend, we both really liked each other and we were seeing each other for a long time. he was a bit of a flirt i guess, but maybe so was i...and with each other we had something really special, not just another fling. i really like(d) him, and im pretty sure he did/does too. the problem is, my parents caught me doing weed, and found out that A was the one who was getting weed for me. so they banned me from seeing him ever again, which is basically how we 'broke up', this was around october, but we still really liked each other.

    then there's B. B is bisexual and at the moment more interested in guys. he has been my best friend ever since i came to tanzania, and the first few months of our friendship were great. but then he really started getting me down. he started insulting me in front of other people, and later he would say that he was just joking and that i should realise that, and he has such a superior air, it made me feel so small. this was the cause of more than a few fights between us, and i started to loose a bit of my closeness with him.

    in the middle of all this, i was trying to quit smoking because i realised how bad it was for me, pull my grades up, and i found out that my dad has syphillis, (spelling? the lung disease) and he could...well die I guess, any time. so this wasnt really a good time for me.

    there's also C, who became a closer friend to me, and i started confiding in him. (note: C is me, nish81, and since im writing this for her, im not sure if my description of myself is accurate..take it with a grain of salt).

    so this takes us up to december, and then the holidays came around. at the holidays i wasn't at a high point in my life, not the lowest really, but not high either. i had been fighting with B quite a lot, and i had learnt some strange things about him. he basically believes that he is an angel, and he says he has wings that only he can see in the mirror, and he says he can see the future and the end of the world, which will be in my lifetime. i think he's insane...his parents are dead and he lives with his uncle and aunt. he's also kinda unstable and depressed, and i knew that if i were to cut him out, he'd start cutting himself and god knows what, and i didnt want to be responsible for that.

    anyways, the holidays came around, and i went off to south africa and had an amazing time, that made me feel really better.

    so i came back to school on a high note. (note: school began this monday, the 8th of january). then disaster happened for me. on wednesday, (10th), after-school, B came up to me and said that he had been sleeping with A. I mean :wtf: !!
    he knew that I still really liked A, and all of that, and he went and slept with him behind my back! since december or something, they've been seeing each other! and all this time A was also talking to me kinda flirtaciously, pretending nothing was wrong, long phone calls, making me feel good, all of that, and then he's sleeping with B behind my freakin back!

    when i heard this i felt like i had been kicked, i felt like i had swallowed a knife, I felt so disgusted and sickened by the fact that this had all gone on behind me, that i had been PLAYED so badly, i just hated it. i told C about this, and he (or me) suggested that i should cut B out of my life, or at least distance myself from him, use this as a kind of closure and try to get on with my life. also, B told me that he started cutting myself because he says 'his wings are going', i mean :wtf: and i knew that if i distanced myself from him, he'd lose it completely.

    last night, (friday night), C called me up and admitted that he had known that B and A were sleeping together, because B had told him in the last week of school.
    actually, i should tell this myself. the only reason i didn't tell her is because B told me this under strict confidence, and i dont like breaking confidences. in hindsight it was the wrong thing to do, and i think she should have been pretty pissed off at me for hiding that from her, but surprisingly she isn't :dunno:

    i took that well. and then also on friday night i got pissed at B, and basically told him how much he was hurting me. i also told him that i was going to talk to A about this later, and B got extremely worried about that, he said 'please don't', but i was adamant.

    tonight i met with A, and i couldnt bring myself to say anything, he was just so nice, and gave me a big hug and a great present, and i melted...how am i meant to do this??

    Anyways, there's her situation. I posted this with her permission, so don't worry. I'm sorry that there're no cliffs, I just ask of you to read all of this, and please give some advice. By this point I'm kinda overwhelmed as to what advice to give her. Thanks!
     
  2. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    11,182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    london
    by the way, since I wrote this from her point of view and not her, it might feel a bit confusing or like there's something missing, if so then please point it out so that I can clarify or ask her for clarification :wavey:
     
  3. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    You know, I hate to sound like the old fart by saying this....

    You guys are way too young to be dealing with all this drama. You have your lifetime to mess with this shit and fuck up your lives.

    Instead, concentrate on your schoolwork, your careers, & your health because these are the things that define the rest of your lives, EVEN the quality of your future relationships.

    I wouldn't say this is always true, but from my experiences, a lot of my former HS classmates that had a lot of drama back in school, are now either rotting in jail, raising kids alone, or messed up with drug addiction.

    Put your priorities back on track.
     
  4. Alenon12

    Alenon12 Save the cheerleader....save the world

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2006
    Messages:
    440
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Williston, ND
    :werd:

    way too young to have problems like that, this other kid B is 15 as well? kids friggin off in the head.
     
  5. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2002
    Messages:
    19,344
    Likes Received:
    12
    Swear I will not raise my kid in front of TV.

    Fck-g TV man, stop doing everything you see on the god damn TV.

    Your age matter in this situation. I have more experiance then you do, and I know many more people have more experiance then me. But I took wisdom as a bride and tried to learn from everything the best I could.

    Tell me the cold and hard facts, what drugs shes doing, her past, sum it up shorter. Tell me where you fit in. I guess I have to give you some good advice now... even though I did not like the way you explained that to me (no big deal).

    If you take one thing out of this entire huge post, remember! Take True Wisdom with you at all times, and do not allow yourself to identify yourself with the event because it is at that point that you forget yourself, and make mistakes, and make things WORSE.



    Here is some advice though that I wish I knew when I was 15. Here, I will act like I am giving myself advice, and wish I started living the lesson a long time ago:


    As a person, you get bored in this world. Sometimes there is just nothing to do. You are extreamly self concious of pain, and get tired of it and think well I have access to this, or this, if I get this I might feel a little bit better.

    Okay, now you know what it feels like when things suck, being a teenager and all. But realise what you have before you... you are a young human being of 15 years of age, with the potential age being speculated as high as 140 with the right diet and exersize, and intake of antioxidants and such.

    You have before you a body - a temple. You can bring knowlage that will last you a lifetime to this temple. However, you must realise that everything you bring into this temple comes from your current 5 senses, and lets consider existing in the human mind a sense too.

    So obviously, you live here and you do not want things to be tarnished. You realise you have only been in this lifetime a speck in the evoloution of time, and are only a speck in the grand scheme of things. You do not want things to suck though, so want to become smart, have great relationships, have a good life. You not want be doing coke, being drunk or high all the time and still be happy.

    Oh but that must be hard right. Yep. It is. You have to draw the line somewhere. You have think, how am I going to let this person effect my life. How am I going to let this event effect my life. Will I put up with this shit, or will I find a means for peace.

    Well, realise that we desire the good, and hate the bad feelings we have. In order to realise this, you have to remember that the brain is almost like a labeler. It cannot always comprehend everything in the perfectly intelligent fasion, and every unit of life is actually equivilant to one thought. A thought is a think, it is an item.

    Look around you, you are here with your 5 senses. Everything around you has a name, if not a label (on the item). You also have labels on more complex things. Your personal views are attached to all this.

    Think of your body as having three brains. Intellectual center (brain). Emotional Center (your heart). And your motor-instinctive-sexual center (your reproductive centers)

    You are guided through life, though all situations through these 3 brains, 5 senses, your personallity, your beliefs, and your ethics. You can probally think of other things that effect it too.

    You meet a girl. You think she is beautiful. All of her atoms are arrangend in such a fashion that you think she is god damned beautiful; She stimulates your three brains, you comprehend how she is through your 5 senses, and your personality puts a spin on it all. Personallity, I, or ego, has some say in the matter.

    Well shit you see stories all the time of people who go through life, mess up, hurt a lot of people, make life even worse then it can get.

    You also see stories of success from people, but not as much, and not that big.

    Well, life is not like that. You do not have to feel bad, or at least allow your bad feelings associate with who you are, what you are gonna do when you have those feelings, how you will let people effect you.

    The worse thing to do in life is identify yourself with the situation. We are all guilty of this. Someone can whisper something into our ears to make us cry. Weak. The worse thing to think is that you have to put up with it, that you will break down in times of trouble.

    Smile, realise that you can go through a whole lot of shit, people cheating on you, being broke, feeling like shit, and not it let make you jagged and hurt and singing the same old pychological song. Old misrible drunks do not want to be that way, but dont you notice that every one of them has a terrible story in their life, the big straw that broke the camels back...

    Each and every thing they did since they were born resulted in a complicated math equation that pumped out this individual.

    You have to decide for yourself if you are going to constantly be self observant.

    Self observation = the observation of the human machine.

    Observation = conscious perception.

    That is all!

    See yourself: do not judge or evaluate.

    Conscious perception can be developed to an infinite degree. But only by using it.

    YOU HAVE TO JUDGE HOW THINGS ARE GOING TO MAKE YOU FEEL. BAD SHIT HAPPENS IN LIFE, BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LET IT DRAG YOU DOWN AND FUCK YOU OVER.

    You need to judge what you are percieving. You need to realise that everything passes. You will be looking at this a second time perhaps, and try to remember the first time it was a blink of an eye.

    Shit hurts, old memories hurt, because we identify ourselves with the situation and this leads us to anger, self harm (cutting, harmful things).

    You need to evaluate how you are feeling from moment to moment, and realise am I letting this tear my life apart. Is this going to become a bad memory, one that may haunt me, even when I am thinking about something completely unrealted will I let this effect how I feel about that. One unit of thought effecting another unit.

    This is how the brain works. You constantly see this more and more.

    You are labelling things, becoming attached to them, trying to make the story of your life, your drama, while you could be constantly observing yourself, constantly watching what you say or what you do or what you say or what you think.

    Listen. Big shit happens. Your parents died (I assume one of you will read this...) My father (a military mechanic for search and rescue!) had to go out and clean up the bodies from a terrorist incident that is not nationally recognized... but happened in Canada. He had post traumatic stress syndrom from that.

    I have a feeling that some of your friends may have post traumatic stress disorder. Permanently effected from a TERRIBLE event in your life.

    There are people you can talk to, things you can do to help you deal with this abdominal disorder. Self cutting is an extreme measure that can lead to infections, increased mental damage, self destruction and suffering.

    I do not want that for you. You will not allow yourself to put up with that. Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights. You have the right to be happy as a child of this earth, and you guys need to start today to make yourselfs right. There is obvious depression and anxiety involved in this story, and I beleive post TSD too.

    Self observe, do not think about it but just ask yourself how you are feeling, where you see yourself going, what you are doing RIGHT NOW to help yourself.

    You can live a happy life.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2007
  6. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2002
    Messages:
    19,344
    Likes Received:
    12
    Oh and work on giving up the ciggs, weed, getting loaded all the time. I say this as a person that has done a lot more then you have done or may do :) I am probally sober 99% of the time and living happily today, after abuse, a lot of shit and trauma, and other garbage, lol.
     
  7. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    11,182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    london
    I see where you're coming from, and I agree with you on this. My question is, how should she end the current drama? Just block out B and A?
     
  8. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    11,182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    london
    He's 17, but he says in terms of mental age he's 80...
     
  9. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    11,182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    london
    :bowdown: :bowdown:

    Awesome post man, thanks a lot for that! :bowdown:


    As to giving up the stuff, she's already on that. :bigthumb:
     
  10. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Messages:
    97,795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary, AB
    I'm sorry, I'm too tired to read everything, but I read some of it.

    First of all, unless the pronouns are screwed up, B and A are both guys, and if theyre sleeping together, then obviously she didn't have a real shot with A anyways.

    Secondly, she needs to both grow up and stop trying to be an adult.

    She's 15, all she needs to be doing right now is going to school and having fun with friends. Everything comes in due time. Believe me, this time you guys have right now is precious, you wont ever have anything like it ever again, so stop trying to rush yourselves to adulthood. It's not all its cracked up to be. I'd give anything to be back in highschool again, immature cliques and all. (knowing the things I know now anyways)
     
  11. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Messages:
    97,795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary, AB
    she should come to terms with the fact that A didnt like her, and she had no claim on him. Since A and B are gay, she should recognize that you cant always get what you want, and be happy that her two friends found someone. Especially for teenage gays, its not easy.
     
  12. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    11,182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    london
    A and B are actually bisexual. And they're not just saying that, they've both had relationships with girls before - for example, A and the girl, (subject of the thread) had a proper relationship.
     
  13. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Messages:
    97,795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary, AB
    and they broke up? Regardless, unless she was still in a 'relationship' with the guy, she had no claim on them. Secondly, plenty of gay men had relationships with women before they came to terms with their sexuality. Either way, she should just let it go and move on
     
  14. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2006
    Messages:
    11,182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    london
    That's true I guess, but she's more upset that A and B felt they had to do it behind her back. Anyways, now they're split and A is getting with a girl. :hs:
     

Share This Page