SRS A small injection of normality into my family.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by deusexaethera, Jul 20, 2009.

  1. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    My parents are divorced now (finally), and my father has a girlfriend. She was at his house a couple of days ago, and they were trying to make plans, and whatever it was she was saying, it was really irritating him. He finally said "dammit, I asked what you want because I want to know what you want, not what's the best compromise you can come up with!" She looked at him for a moment and said "...you're scolding me." He said he was sorry, that he didn't mean to, and she said "no, no, I kinda like it when you scold me. It lets me know you really do care about me." I have to say I was surprised by this.

    When I think about it, I have a number of platonic girlfriends whom I've diligently given advice to when they've asked for it, and there have been times when I've had to get tough on them and say "I know what you think, you just told me; but what you need to do is X," and every single time they shut up and listened, and usually did what I told them to do, and every single one of them has come back to me later saying "you were right."

    I never noticed the pattern until now, but this suggests there is something about women I don't yet understand. :dunno: (well, many things, but this one specifically.) I have to admit there's one of 'em right now who I want to tell her exactly what I think she ought to be doing, but I honestly have no idea how to tell when it's appropriate to do so. In this particular circumstance my interests are not entirely altruistic (assuming they ever are).
     
  2. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    I'm not sure I get what you mean. I often have conversations with women where I'll ask them what they want and then they'll turn around and ask me what I want because they think that they should just do what I want to please me. What they don't get is I'm trying to come up with a compromise but I can't if they don't give me their side. Sometimes girls just can't form their own opinions.

    As for telling them what to do you're going to have to be more specific. What kind of situation are we talking about here?
     
  3. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    It's not the specific situation that matters. I grew up in a house where straightening a woman out when she needed it was asking to get shanked. Due to various circumstances in my upbringing, I really don't have any other stable long-term relationships to draw a baseline from, but now I wonder if it really IS more common than I thought for men to tell women "how it is" without sending things into the shitter for weeks or months.

    I honestly have never, ever heard a woman say anything remotely like "I kinda like it when you scold me." Then again, I have always assumed the occasional butt-smack was something only the guy got off on (and only inconsiderate asshole guys who aren't like me, for that matter), and I felt not just a little awkward when one of my ex-girlfriends used to tell me to spank her. Suffice it to say I was raised to be considerate and deferential to a fault, and evidence is starting to accumulate that this is a bad idea overall, not just when hanging out with the guys.

    The concept that it might actually be normal to get all masculine and aggressive towards a woman under any circumstances is totally alien to me. I almost want to make a poll, but I imagine I'll get lots of junk responses if I do that -- I only want to know if it actually works, not if guys like being that way.
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2009
  4. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    She did have a strange reaction. I wouldn't call what your dad said scolding though.

    As for telling my gf what to do I give my opinion but I don't try and force her to do anything she doesn't want to.
     
  5. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    He was looking for authenticity and transparency and she gave it? Awesome.

    Welcome to the "theoretical" moment of normalcy.
     

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