A problem I never thought I'd have

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by RyeLou, Nov 4, 2007.

  1. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    I've been seeing this girl for a little while now. We're very open sexually and don't have a problem trying new things. She has mentioned before she has been in a threesome and we've discussed it a few times but nothing ever really came of it. I've never been in one and don't have much interest in it either to be honest (I know, how unmanly) Anyhow, even during the talks about the threesome she's told me she wouldn't mind light touching from the other girl to me but doesn't want it to go much beyond that. So that's the background story...today she tells me she put up an add somewhere saying she was looking for a girl to "hook up with" and posted a few of her pictures on there along with it.

    I don't really like the idea. For one I see too many possibilities with it being on the internet, and two I look at sexual stuff as something that a couple should share on an intimate level. I'm not saying people can't screw around and have fun if they aren't dating or anything...I'm all for it. But when you're in a relationship of some sort, I think you should stick with it...espicially if both parties aren't cool with it.

    Anyhow, I told her I didn't like the idea. She said that was fine and she probably would have chickened out before anything happened. She seemed totally fine with it and all but it was something I really wasn't expecting I guess. That and I'm shocked she threw her picture up on the internet.
     
  2. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    What bothers me about this is that she took liberties to start "searching" for someone without you agreeing to it.
     
  3. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    I don't mind that part too much. She's been extremely honest with me about everything up to this point and I don't see why that would change now. And as soon as I said something about me not liking it she backed right off.

    I guess my biggest problem is our outlook on the sexual part of the whole thing. I see it as something meant for her and I and I know she would at least like to experiment with a woman and have it mean nothing. I realize it would mean nothing...but it still bothers me.
     
  4. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    Ha, a side note I just realized. She was at my place while I was at work the other day and ran across some porn I had looked at the previous day. I just laughed when she told me, but she also told me later she ended up looking around the website at girl on girl porn. I just kind of put it together that it must have peaked her interests more than usual.
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Wow man. This girl isn't interested in the 3some for you and her...she just wants it for her. She doesn't want the girl to do anything but lightly touch you...but she goes out looking for one?

    She wants to be with another girl. Dump her and let her go after what she wants on her own time.

    She obviously doesn't care/want you to be that involved in it.
     
  6. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    If she ends up being insistent on it, then maybe she isn't the right one for you. There is more to being sexually compatible that being able to have great sex, but having the same outlook on what sex means is very important as well.

    If she doesn't press it, then cool. As long as you trust hat she isn't going to go off and do it on her own. Unfortunately, that does happen.

    So evaluate how you feel abut her, and how you she expresses her feelingsto you. That is what is going to matter in the long run.
     
  7. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    It could have been the button that was pressed to make her take that step, but it is STILL a very big step.

    My husband and I have had two (with one person, two days apart) threesomes and even though we view same at the same level, I would have NEVER done this without him sitting right there next to me.
     
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2007
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I can't relate to this at all. I'd say you have nothing to worry about because she went with what you wanted (or didn't), but it seems like you know that already. Or is this just a rant?
     
  9. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    I thought that at first too. The threesome thing is more for her, sure. And the reason it's light touching is because she doesn't want to see me having sex with some other girl...I understand that. She sees the girl on girl thing as just sex...theres no feelings. So I actually see her side as to why it would be okay for her but not for me to do too much.

    The talks we had more or less involved her and the girl and me just observing for the most part. She knows I'm not comfortable with the whole thing so that's where the talks went.
     
  10. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Matt, do you axlly see him dumping her for this, or benefitting by doing so?
     
  11. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    I don't think it's going to be an issue. More just something that caught me off guard. I really belive her that she is fine not persuing this. And I haven't totally nixxed the idea either. I don't think I would mind her hooking up with a girl in front of me while I watched...but I'd strongly prefer it not be someone off the internet. I'd actually rather have it be someone we/she knew.

    Half and half on the rant thing.
     
  12. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    If it were ever to happen and you are not 100% comfortable with it there WILL be bad feelings. No matter how everyone would try to not. You can't help it.

    That is why in order (IMO) for a couple in a committed relationship to have a threesome there has to be perfect agreement and rules.
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    No I just think it seems somewhat unequal...I mean, she doesn't seem that interested in his views on the subject.

    I think she just wants to have fun with another girl...but if he's not cool with it, and she's trying to arrange it anyways, there's an issue that needs to be addressed.
     
  14. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    I have to agree on this. But that is because of my own views regarding threesomes and whatnot.
     
  15. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    She posted the thing yesterday. It's not like she's set up a time and date. She told me shes only had a bunch of emails from guys asking for her to join with them and their girlfriend and she's replied to all with the response that she herself had a boyfriend and couldn't.

    It is unequal I guess. But I don't have much interest in experimenting with guys. That would be the correct apples to apples comparison.
     
  16. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    If it happened it would be because I was 100% cool with it. If it was any other way it would be by her choice and it would ultimately end the relationship between her and I.
     
  17. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    The correct comparison would be she gets to have sex with her, you get to have sex with her. You can handle watching but she can't, therefore it's NOT equal
     
  18. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    Good
     
  19. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    just realized for the first time I am really into a thread for once. I think its because my husband and I just had our first after discussing it for 4 years.... So I've done a lot of thinking about this.
     
  20. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    That's another point of view...neither would be wrong. Because I don't have much of a desire to do anything with another woman it doesn't bother me that she doesn't want me to. For all I know if I asked her if it would be okay if we did the same things she may be totally cool with it. I just never asked because the answer doesn't matter to me.
     
  21. Omerta6

    Omerta6 New Member

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    Dump happy much? lol
     
  22. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    Aw well that makes more sense then of our different viewpoints. Ask her to see what she thinks. Her reaction would tell you if this is one sided in actuality or not.

    If she says,"Fuck that," its one sided, If she is cool, it isnt.

    I think. O.O
     
  23. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    I'm sure we'll have a discussion about it. Honestly I don't think it will go past her saying she's totally fine with me not wanting her to do it. Then I'll tell her what I said in here that it's more the internet part that bothers me and the random person.

    Because sexual stuff for me was always with someone I cared for, it's very difficult for me to look at it as something that doesn't involve feelings. Maybe on some level I think it's impossible to not care at least a little bit if you're doing it (in most normal situations)
     
  24. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    a little bit. Side effect from reading/posting here regularly. A lot of the problems I see here could easily be solved if people would take less BS from their current SOs.

    I may have misinterpreted the original post.
     
  25. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    Maybe. But at the same time you're right that people shouldn't take as much shit as they do in relationships. I would imagine a lot of them fail for just that reason. By the time people stand up for what they believe it's too late.
     

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