A month later.....new relationship.....new problem. ***LONG***

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by LS Boy, Mar 8, 2006.

  1. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    aight, most of you here knows about my situation 3months ago. (first week of january 06) my gf of 1year broke up with me and supposedly cheated on me. so anyways---thats that---i was hurt and i moved on....a month later she keep contacting me and wanting me back. but i didnt, i stayed strong and moved on.

    While i was really hurt with my gf, i took a bouncer job downtown to keep me occupied and get my mind off of her....which was successfull and met more new girls....one of which was a cute bartender....but when i asked her out, i got shotdown......

    THEN thats when i met my old "Crush" back in High School. Just out of hte Blue she mssged me in myspace (we were suppose to go out back then but i was too busy street racing :o ).... anyways, i always like this girl and i havent seen her since Junior year in HS (since 1999).... so i got her number....then i took her out to the autoshow---and she keeps complimenting how much "physically" i changed since then (been working out:mamoru: )--then it happens that the club i work at had a company party...so i took her there after the autoshow. While in the club.... thats when we got connected soooo well, that by first 30min of it---all the lust and stuff from HS came out....we were making out throughout the night...then by the end of the night we had sex.

    we have sooooo much in common and lots of things to catch up. this girl is pretty much down to earth and have 20times MORE things in common with me than my previous girl.

    anyways, that was valentines day...... so since i work every weekend....she visited me couple times at work, and i would go out with her after. Then on regular weekdays, we would meet up and go to a bar and have couple drinks.

    But a week after we first hang out....i asked her on a date and she said she didnt like going on a date..... so i thought to myself that this girl just wanna fuck :naughty: so i was down for it and played along. So this went on and was good for 3 weeks.....we would regularly go out on weekdays when im off, etc..... UNTIL i invited her to go in a ROADTRIP to New York City with 2 of my bestfriends (guys). so there was 3 guys and 1 girl.

    Anyways, this girl is pretty clingly----always holds my hand, always wanna be touched by me..always wanna kiss....and always wanna be pampered----which i like--but my last relationship wasnt like that.....total opposite...so i wasnt used to it.

    So we took the trip on thursday night----and we were in the back seat cuddling and mooshy stuff til we get to NYC.
    first night there.....she got pissed at me coz i didnt wanna go out coz i was tired (worked 16hrs that day)...then everything was fine....saturday night....she got drunk and high....we ended up having sex next to my friends (two twin beds)..but they were too drunk to know too :o

    then come sunday.....we went back to timesquare.....first thing we got there she ticked me off again coz she was giving me attitude coz my friends didnt wanna eat at the place she wanted to go (though shes down for any place just that my friends were being picky and it was 2pm and we had nothing to eat yet.)... so i just ignored here...... then we found a place to eat and she was all quiet. After that, the plan was to go shopping----but i lost interest in that city already and just wanna go home. so we went to couple stores and one of my guy friend is a shopping freak :mamoru: so they were both shopping while me and my other friend is just outside the store standing.....

    after an hour of wait...my other friend and i decided to tell them we gonna split off and do our own thing (bar hop at 4pm LOL).. so we did---they were pissed. so we ended up at TGIF bar and chilled there til 630pm til they met us up....by that time i was tipsy already.....so then we hitup ANOTHER bar---and they were tagging along with us with shitload of shopping bags on their hands.

    We hit up this nice bar and by the time we got there, they wanted to go somewhere and eat---i told them just to leave (after i offer to buy them drinks and shot and they refuse) and we will just take the cab home. then it came into an arguiment about that they didnt wanna leave us...and they just left. so from 730pm-1030pm, me and my friend bar hop and was totally wasted after hitting about 20-25bars in NYC (one drink and one shot each bar then leave :bowdown: )


    so by the end of the night, they were calling us and wanted to meet us up....i dont know what happened after we left the last bar....and i dont know how i got home nor walked 4blocks.

    But all i know is that, the next day, this girl totally did a 180degrees on me. She wont even talk to me.....she wont even let me touch her, she wont let me pamper her, and she wont even let me kiss her (before this, i had FULL ACCESS).

    then from what i remember---my other friend who was with her shopping said to me that i was being an asshole to her that night and my other friend threatened her to beat her ass (this guy likes my exgf..and hate this one coz shes too clingly). Then he told me that she was sooo scared and pissed at me that she wanted to get her own room! Then i guess she tried staying up all night---and she logged on my laptop to watch a movie...but while looking for a movie in my laptop, she stumbled upon pics of my ex and i----and also, random AIM convo (dead aim saves it automatically)...and she thinks im a fucking stalker and shit. :ugh:

    So our drive back from NYC was rough....i didnt really talk to her at all. til i said something about it---and we argued. she said i was shady for splitting off, etc.... and i told her my reason (they had bags of shit and they didnt wanna drink so i didnt wanna drag them with us).


    fast forward to yesterday (after we got home). i txt her....to try to call me. she called me when she woke up---and i just wanted to know what happened....and she told me flat out "if you wanted a long conversation about this, ill call you later" she never did til i txt her again.....and from the sense out of my text, feels like she dont wanna talk to me at all.

    i asked if i can meet up with her after work...and she gave me a bullshit reason saying that she got plans---which i know is bullshit---coz before all this, ANYTIME and EVERYTIME i ask her to go out after work or even if she got work, she will call in.

    so my last text from her was,

    "so its like that now huh? fine, ill let it be"
    her: "like what?"
    "coz of all this shit that happened this weekend...i tried to apologized to you but you dont even care. im only doing this coz i really like you **her name**.but obviously its like nothing to you. i invited you to go with us and i wanted to see if you can get along with my friends and you did. And if you are pissed off about something you found in my laptop, you need to reconsider coz thats the past and i dont take internet seriously."


    havent heard from her since then.

    what should i do? just let this go? or try calling her and work it out? (i tihnk she made up her mind already---but im just assuming) or give it time?


    like i said, this girl and i always have good times (she even told me first time we met again that *where have you been all this time?* ) and we have lots of things in common and my friend sees her as being my personality in a girls body :hs:


    EDIT: she was in a 5yr relationship that ended new years of 05. then went into another one right after for 7months---which ended last november.
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2006
  2. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    Two words:

    E-mo

    She probably feels that you betrayed her, or "threw her away" for bar hoping without her.

    Then women are ALWAYS threatened by pics or convos of , or any memorabilia of previous GFs, doesn't matter what it is.

    I'd be equally pissed at her, for snooping on my 'puter, that shit she found probably wasn't right on the desk top, at least the AIM convo wouldn't be.

    I'd probably move on, you had some good laughs, but for someone to play these silent treatment games is uncalled for, and IMO childish.
     
  3. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    so was all these crap my fault? or mostly hers?

    thats what im confused about....i dont wanna mess up again----and i didnt realized that i like hanging out with this girl til we got back in town yesterday.

    now i feel like im back to same situation when my exgf left me (not as bad but at least same entry level feelings).
     
  4. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    AHA!!!

    There's at least part of your problem....

    You're looking for an individual to blame, when the fault lies on both of you. Relationships are two way streets, and will take work from both of you, and share in things equally.
     
  5. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    oh i admit that i was at fault. thats why i called her and TRIED apologized.
    and it was my fault from the get go anyways---i shouldnt have taken her with me.
     
  6. Achmiel

    Achmiel Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshi

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    Maybe you shouldn't have invited her on that trip :hs:
     
  7. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    yea i know....its all too late now :hs:

    but things happen for a reason :wtc:
     
  8. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    Super clingy girls and the average not so clingy guy is a recipe for fights in relationships anyway.. I can tolerate them for a little while, but after that I'm just like..:run:
     
  9. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    for some reason, i always get what i "asked" for.

    when i was with my ex.....i always wanted her to be clingy or at least i want a clingy girl..... and I DID! i like it, but for some reason, i dont last longer than 2months with them. my last ex was the only one thats not clingy at all---and she lasted the longest---1yr and 2months. :hs:

    and i tihnk i need to stop being an asshole :wtc:
     
  10. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Shall we go over it in painstaking detail? Sure, why not.

    Now, keep in mind that to be attractive to a woman, in MY opinion, you have to be a gentleman. That means you have to have three major traits and they are Confidence: made up of Self Confidence and Self Esteem; Control: made up of Discipline, Patience and Self Control; and Challenge: Being unpredictable, being mysterious, and also being entertaining/funny. Basically, you have to be thoughtful of other folks as well, and that is tying into self-control which I think blew it for you. Let's check it out:

    We can discuss that later if you want, or go read my article on www.Friendzoned.com about that.

    Street racing, from the point of view of many women, shows a lack of self-control and a lack of discipline, especially considering it can get someone killed. So you *may* have already had that point against you if she knew about it.

    Not the best first date, but whatever! ;)

    Sounds all good here.

    Now why would you go do that? She doesn't want to spend time with your friends, she wanted to spend time with you. A point against you here.

    Sounds like she really liked you.

    Yeah, need some more details on how you handled this, but you are allowed to get some sleep, that's for sure, and so long as you told her nicely it should have been fine.

    Okay, at this point I would have said to have picked three spots you could have gone, and picked on where everyone could have found something to eat. Some times you have to make a compromise. It sounds like you not only did NOT compromise, but you ALSO ignored her. That was a bad move. That right there showed her that you were a little immature and a little insensitve to her desires. If anything you should have talked about it and made alternate plans for some other time. For all you know, it was some place she always had wanted to go as a kid and now you were telling her she couldn't. Who knows? :dunno: You DO have to find out, though. You lost a few points here, IMO.

    Yeah, she was pissed.

    Lost another point. Granted, shopping sucks, but to ditch her on a road trip?

    And now you double ditched her. And while she was still mad at you. Bad move.

    Did you offer to carry any? If not, that was also rude and inconsiderate. You lost more points here if that was the case.

    The arguments show a complete lack of self control. You've got to lighten up, be more considerate of other people and what they want to do, you're acting like the king of assholes, and it drives folks away. :sadwavey:

    Ditched her again and partied without her. How would you feel if you got stuck in a hotel room and she was out partying with her friends in some strange city? :squint: All I am saying is you pretty much dumped her, and you did it time after time, and you never made ammends, nor were you cool about it. Pretty shitty weekend for her if you ask me.

    Okay, let's stop for a second. I can't be the only person here who just read that story and then sees you say "Hey, what happened? :coolugh: " Things were NOT cool. You TOTALLY blew her off, and then you don't put 2+2 together to see that all of your actions totally screwed it up. You treated her like a guy, you left her on her own, and you totally dumped her flat on her face.

    You were not a gentleman. You were not even an adult. You acted like a 12 year old who just broke out of jail for the first time. There are very few women who are going to love being treated like that. I mean, come on, have you ever heard a woman say "Oh, get this! I had this great weekend! I went to NY and got ditched three times by my guy. I ended up dragging my shopping bags all over town, and then he was totally cold to me and left me to go get drunk. It was the best weekend of my life!" :mamoru: Nah, that doesn't happen. You HAVE to stop and think about that.

    Yeah, you were.

    Damn, I don't blame her. Who's your friend, some ex-con? That's not cool either!

    Why'd she have access to your laptop, don't you have a password? Another nail in your coffin.

    You were.

    A little too late now, don't you think? You blew it, and now you got into another arguement about it - a day later. This is why I tell guys that you need to address issues *right* when then come up. And you have to listen to her, and you have to THINK about what is going on. It had nothing to do with the bags, it had everything to do with how you treated her. You treated her with disrespect, you had no self-control, you were boring and argumentative and not fun and unpredictable. If you were to go back and think about any number of your "fun" weekends, would you say they had any of the same elements in them? Did you ditch her, leave her with friends, make her drag her bags around, and argue with her? Of course not, you're better than that!

    You SLIPPED. You made a MISTAKE. You made a lot, actually, and she dumped you (basically.)

    You should have already known. No offense, but that was a stupid question to ask her.

    Of course not. Talking to you just ends up in an arguement. And here you went from a cool guy to hang out and party with, and now all you want to do is get into "therapy" talks that end up in arguements. Why would she want that? Shit, that's the best way to drive a woman AWAY. If you want to call her, you need to call her and ask her on a date! You need to start out with a BIG apology, letting her know you were a complete prick and don't know what the fuck you were thinking. Tell her if it happens again you'll paint her entire house. Then, say, okay, that's over. Let's go out. Friday. 8:00. Someplace bar. On me. Deal?" and get back into your groove.

    >>> Flirt with her!
    >>> Joke around with her!
    >>> Do whatever it was that you did when you met her!
    >>> Go back to being yourself, not this prick 12 year old spoiled brat who thinks only of himself!

    And don't invite her out with your friends any more either. Seems like you get distracted too easily and ditch her, m'kay?

    I couldn't have driven her off better if I tried. Totally rude, cold, and not fun to be with. Tsk, tsk! Wake up! :wavey: Be happy again, be cool, be a gentleman!

    Unless you can make a 180 and PROVE to her you're cool and it'll never happen again, you're fucked. And, in my opinion, until you get a degree of self control and don't pick fights with her - or anyone for that matter - this will be a recurring theme with many women in the future. This *might* even have something to do with why the bartender you asked out shot you down. But, you'd have to post details before I can speak to that, really.

    Well then stop being such a prick and get your act together. Be a gentleman. Be mature. Be a flirt. And PROVE it to her, not just tell her or act like it - PROVE it. Actions speak louder than words. You calling her and bitching her out is an *action* that says "I'm just going to call you and piss you off. I'm a dick. I don't think about what I do before I do it."

    Now if you show up with an evening out planned for just the two of you, a nice card with a SINCERE apology in it, and explain how you got clued into the fact that you WERE being a dick, you *might* have another chance. Do NOT argue with her when she rails on you, listen. Think about how what she is saying ties into self-control and respecting her, and speak from that. And keep it as short as you can so you can move on and go on a nice date.

    ANd don't pressure her into anything for a few days, maybe even a week. Just relax, Sparky.

    Good luck! :x:
     
  11. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I should add ... the whole "reason" why this happened, as you mentioned, was for you to LEARN from your mistakes, like we all do.

    Now if you don't recognize what you did, and you don't learn from it, then you will repeat these same mistakes again and again until you do.

    Learn them while you are young, trust me. I learned them when I was 30. Lots of perfect women dumped me. :ugh:
     
  12. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    i guess one reason why i did what i did that day coz my friends are being goofy and keep assuming that i was totally whoopped to her. and i had enough of it and since she wasnt my gf, i thought to myself that i dont need to listen to her and follow her around like a dog.

    thats another mistake that i just realized....everytime my friends are around my girls, i act differently.

    and thanks for taking your time and giving me advice piece by piece. i really appreciate it.

    i talked to her earlier this morning on AIM....and she just said that--that trip was to see what kind of a person i was. and i fucked up...now she said she wanted more time to thnk about this. so i told her ill give her all the time she wants and ill be here if shes ready.


    like i said, before this trip....i didnt see her as my a gf material to me---then i pretty much got attached to her after all this shit happened :wtc: all too late :wtc:
     
  13. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Yeah, you DO want to have SOME independance, but you don't want to ditch her. That's an easy one - just think how you'd feel.

    Ah, live and learn. ;)

    Anytime.

    I would not have said that ... although it's hard to say truthfully what I would have said, since I don't know how the conversation went. Thinking how it went, it could have been a good thing to say what you said here - your friends fucked you up, you did a stupid thing, and you're sorry for it. HOWEVER, I would *NOT* have said "I'll be here if she's ready." I would have said something like

    "That's my peace. I've apologized, and you think about it. If you can be the bigger person and accept my apology, then let's try it again. No more BS therapy talks, just going out and having fun. If I screw up again, I'll paint your house, no questions asked. With that said, I'm also not going to wait around forever for acceptance - I just can't do that - so don't keep me on hold forever. Okay?"

    I've done that a few times. Welcome to the club! :wavey: It's not too bad after a while.
     
  14. You really need to get some professional counseling before trying to get into another relationship. Trust me it will help a lot
     
  15. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    i should just shut up and hide under a rock from now on huh?

    looks like every move that im making is bad decision... :sigh: :wtc: :wtc: :wtc:
     
  16. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    That last one was bad because you basically said you'll wait for her and she has all the power... Not the best idea.

    Don't hide under a rock though, as Poco said, live and learn and don't be a complete asshole next time and stop acting differently depending who you are around.
     
  17. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Yeah, Bruticus hit it on the head. You are giving her all the control - you're kissing her ass, basically. Women don't like or respect kiss-asses. They want a man who has confidence, who has self-respect. All you have to do is let her know that you understand what went wrong, but NOT that you're just going to hide under a rock!

    Go out! Hang with friends. Talk to other women! Don't tell her, and don't rub it in her face, but meeting more people will boost your confidence and make you happier and think smarter. Just relax and don't let her make all the decisions. You've got to make some, too, you know. And remember, all relationships are give AND take. If you're not taking, it's not going to last - in my opinion.

    All decisions made are bad until you learn from them. It's not like anyone here know this stuff until we either learned from someone else or from fucking up. It's life, just like learning to ride a bike - you learn when you fall down. ;)
     
  18. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    oh my confidence is still up there and i can still talk to any girls i want.... its just that i didnt notice i had til it was gone (one the way home from the trip).. and i just noticed that i start to like this girl and im doing what i can do get back what we had before the trip.


    so youre suggesting to just not do anything for now at all?
    i was thinking of sending her flowers and card to her work for apology....may be too late for that? (i dont know where she works now, but i can find out from her close friend----or is that stalkerish and doing too much?)


    pretty much to sum it up.....what should i do from now on? go out and do my own thing and see if she calls and contact me? if not..then move on?


    thanks again guys.
    been hard sleeping at night after all this
     
  19. TheMemoo

    TheMemoo New Member

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    I think it is both ur faults. Seriously, i think your realtionship with this girl is too new to invite her to go on a road trip with just u and your friends. Next time around, I would suggest you wait until the girl feels comfortable around your friends. I mean if i am hanging out with my bf and his friends (that i don't know) I totally cling to him because he is the only person I know, but usually and when it is with his normal friend i know i am not clingy at all.

    Maybe this girl excepted to have a great time during this road trip and it didn't happen. Maybe what she saw on your laptop and how she felt when you ditch her made her realize this isn't what she wants and that's why she is avoiding you.

    This relationship isn't really that long, so I think you should just learn from your mistakes this time and start over with someone who is not as clingy and give them some time before you have to see them for a couple days straight with just your friends. Maybe next time if you do that, tell her to invite 1 or 2 of her friends also.
     
  20. red97gst

    red97gst New Member

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    Poco said everything you need to know but....

    If she already accused you of being a stalker, then perhaps finding out where she works and sending her flowers is a bad idea. It's fine if you talk to her on the phone or in person and get her to hear you out, but out of nowhere, it's a bit too much, IMHO.

    Dont leave her with an open ended, "i'll be here when you decide." Cuz chances are, she's not just gonna wake up one day and be like "you know what? i'm gonna call that guy up that acted like an asshole."

    Best move now, since you already had the apology convo, is to just wait a bit, and maybe ask her out again in the very near future. Dont be like "ive been thinkign about you every day" [stalker]..... but say you heard about this great restaurant, and feel like you never got to take her to get a nice meal that she deserves, and would like to at least make that up to her. no strings attached (without actually saying the phrase "no strings attached"..... which really translates to "you should expect me to rape you, but i'll try not to")

    Anyway, try to be mature , that's the #1 thing. Think about something that u know she genuinely loves, and take her to go do it. It will be more about the thing youre doing together, and less about her actually hanging out with you. Takes the pressure off, and it will associate you with fun things.

    If not, you already said she exhibited some behavior you didn't really like. She may very well be dependent on a man to make her feel secure and happy, and if youre not into that type of thing, i wouldnt pursue her. So figure out if she's worth all the trouble, and if so, put in ONE concentrated, calculated, yet seemingly relaxed effort
     
  21. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    thanks guys and girl.
    it doesnt help that i work independently and im always by myself in my car all day.....i always keep thinking about her and "what could have been" if i didnt make that stupid "split to go barhopping" without her.

    everything was good and what i always wanted in a girl....and i fucking blew it. :uh:

    i dont think i blew it completely though since she said she just needs time, but i dont know what are my chances of her forgiving me.

    like today, i really wanna call her and just talk to her.
    saturday is gonna be nice and sunny---and she always keep asking me to take her for a ride on my bike.....i feel like calling her and asking her if she wants to go.....then ask her if she made a room in her heart to forgive me and start over........ :hs:


    i guess i can admit, i totally fallen for her. which i didnt intend or plan to from the beginning.
     
  22. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    red97gst said it all.

    The bike idea is bad because it forces her into physical contact with you. Now maybe if she had her own bike ... but that does not allow you to talk and flirt, etc.

    Go for a coffee, drink, bakery for a snack, something where you can be yourself, flirt, joke, and have a good time like you USED to do. Nothing big and fancy. Just the same old, same old. If you do something above and beyond, she'll think you are trying to trick her into it. If you just go to the same old bar you always went to, she knows what to expect.
     
  23. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    when should i start contacting her again? last time i talked to her was wednesday around noon....

    i see her online but she never say anything nor i say anything to her (since she said she needed time).....
     
  24. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I'd wait it out and let her contact you. It shows her interest level in you, and if you don't chase her ... well, we all want what we cannot have. Give her the gift of missing you. ;)

    Personally, I would go out tonight, no matter what, and hang out with friends and just relax for a while.
     
  25. LS Boy

    LS Boy OT Supporter

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    damn thats gonna be a battle :wtc: (of waiting that is....)

    but yea, im always busy----as a matter of fact, i just got back from riding... i have a full time day job.. and also a bouncer on thursday friday and saturday. so im always out and about doing things.

    but its that moment where i drive home from the club at 4am that i keep thinking about her (40min drive). and keep thinking what could've been.

    but ill listen to your advice. she has my AIM, myspace, phone, and knows where i live..... so ill leave it up to her. and i told her to take her time anyways.


    thanks again :)
     

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