SRS A month and a half after break up

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SuckerPhree, Mar 16, 2009.

  1. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    Sorry for the lengthy post. Thanks in advance for your time and responses.

    About a month and a half ago I posted a thread describing my break up with my ex-gf of three years. It was mutual, but still painful for me. This is more of an update thread. (I know, no one cares, but it's therapeutic for me to vent.)

    I just wanted to vent some feelings and get responses on what I should do.

    This is the way I felt right after the break-up:
    - I was completely crushed
    - I couldn't eat or sleep properly
    - I would randomly cry daily at work and home (in private, of course)
    - I forced myself to throw everything away that even slightly reminded me of her
    - I told myself I had to cut all contact with her no matter how badly I want to talk to her and see her.

    This is my current situation (a month and half later):
    - My sleeping is a lot more normal and I have a healthier eating habit.
    - Ever since we broke up, I've been hitting the gym hard to gain some confidence and get my mind off of things. (I still look skinny, but I feel better)
    - I'm pretty sure I'm still in love with her. I think about her every day. I am definitely not over her.
    - I fantasize about getting back with her and how great it could be.
    - I cry a lot less. (I haven't cried in about a week... God, I'm such a faggot)
    - The hardest parts of my days are the mornings when I wake up and realize that I'm alone, still. Or when I see couples in public and wish I still belonged to a relationship.
    - I still want to talk to her and see her daily...
    - I still have not made any contact with her and vice-versa. I wonder if she's already over me and doesn't have the urge to contact me anymore.

    My Fears:
    - I'm afraid she was the only girl who was okay with my flaws and my little quirks. I don't know if I could ever find a girl who could deal with me.
    I wish you guys could see me, I'm not exactly a looker.
    - It's a lot easier for girls to meet a new guy than vice-versa
    - I'm afraid that she has completely moved on. Maybe she already started dating again or something. I'm afraid I'm already a memory. To be honest, I know I can't hold anything against her for moving on.

    Thoughts on my mind in regards to the future and how I deal with it:
    - A part of me feels like I cannot completely let her go just in case she calls me one day and wants to try again.
    - Everyday I force myself to understand that the relationship is over and I need to move on.
    - I understand that "the grass is always greener on the other side" so I try to force myself to 'enjoy being single.'
    - Logically, I understand perfectly what I should do and what is going on, but my heart is constantly in pain and I have trouble dealing with it.
    - I wonder if we'll ever see each other again and how I would react. How I should act.
    - Even when I find myself reaching moments where I get over her... I stop myself because I feel like it's wrong. I feel like if I actually move on: "that's it." There's no turning back. So a part of me doesn't want to let go so I can still allow myself to reunite with her just in case she still wants me.
    I know, I'm fucked up.

    To be honest, I already know the answers. I have to keep moving along and continue looking forward.
    I have to keep on letting her go and move on.

    Most importantly, (for me anyways,) is that I have to keep fighting the urge to contact her. Or else I would collapse and start all over.
    - I told myself I would not contact her unless she contacted me first... even then, I don't know if I could pick up her calls or if I'm ready to hang out with her as friends.

    Also, I find the best way for me to deal with this emotionally is to basically exile her from my life.
    For example, I force myself to forget certain memories or erase her from certain events just so I can deal with life.
    I hate talking about her now. I try my hardest to avoid topics about her in conversations and such.
    Is that healthy/normal? Or am I just avoiding confronting my feelings.
    I don't know, but it's one of the few things that help get me through the day and make me feel better.

    I just wish time would fly by faster.
    (Or until I find someone willing to date me :))

    Overall, I can see some improvements from then until now... but it's probably too soon for me to see any real results. I guess maybe I'll give it another a month or so and see how I feel.

    I can't wait until I gain some perspective and I'm able to look back at all this and just laugh at all the time I wasted. (I hope)

    On a slightly unrelated note:
    I have trouble reading about the relationship problems on this forum because they depress me now. I honestly feel horrible for all the threads I read, because I feel like I'm in their shoes.
    Love is messy, eh?

    Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to read this if you did.
    Any type of response would mean the world to me. I'm open to criticism and advice.
    I am off to bed and start another long week of work. I will check back tomorrow morning.

    Thanks again
     
  2. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    What I have found from dating/breakups (I have been through a bunch of them and it sucks almost every time).

    Hitting the gym is always a good thing, keep up the good work there! Working out and being in shape will make you feel better and will attract a new girl.

    The biggest thing I have noticed is that every girl I broke up with and was really into... I thought she was the only girl and I would never find another girl like her. So far, I always find a girl better than the last eventually.
     
  3. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    Thanks,
    That's actually really comforting.
     
  4. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    I'm actually pretty impressed and envious of your emotional strength. Through all of your heartbreak (which sounds pretty severe), you've been able to pull through and be strong thus far.
     
  5. northw3st

    northw3st New Member

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    everything you've said is 100 percent normal, and happens to all of us. you always hear people complain about relationships, and for those who never went through something like this-they just think it's someone whining about something that's not a big deal. well, it is a big deal.

    my advice - dont even talk to her if she contacts you. she might try just to make sure you still need her. that makes her feel ok with her current situation. it's been almost two years since my MAJOR breakup - and i still ignore her text messages - it feels so good to do that. and i know the day i answer her, is the day she gains her control back. and trust me, i've had many nights with 5 full pages of texts ready to be sent. drinking my wine, missing her badly, but i never sent them. so i woke up the next morning feeling great. if i would have sent them, i would have had to start all over.

    and remember this overused quote: it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. if someone else comes into your life, they do. if they don't, they don't. you'll be okay with that in about a year. don't think about how much progress you're making, just let it happen.
     
  6. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Glad I could help a little.
     
  7. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    Thanks for the reply.

    Yea, I'm going to stick to your advice and just ignore her if she ever tries to contact me again.

    I honestly just wish there was a "safety net."
    I wish I knew that eventually I will meet someone new, so I can be comforted.
     
  8. 1.8t

    1.8t Member

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    I am going through the same thing broham. My girl and I split this past January after almost 3yrs. Its tough because the relationship was so fundamentaly good, even RIGHT before the breakup. Matter of fact, had we not had a spiraling argument that night, we would still be together. However, the fact that we didn't make it through something like that means we weren't meant for each other. Its tough to accept and even harder to forget the good memories, but no contact is by far the best thing for both of us. So far, you have done better than me(she contacted me), but I get stronger each day and I am starting to envision a future without her and am slowly losing the emotion that once took up space in my heart. It is very comforting to know that pretty much everyone goes through this after a serious breakup.

    Now, I just need to figure out how to handle losing my job, which is happening at the end of the month :(. Fucking economy...
     
  9. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    I'm sorry about your job, man.
    That's really unfortunate, but I know you'll get through it.

    I have a quick question, though.
    Did she contact you after you both agreed to leave each other alone?
    And how was it?

    My ex seems to have moved on fast, so unless she left something at my house, I don't think she'll be talking to me, heh.

    Which I guess in the end, is better for me.

    Also, have you moved on to another relationship, yet?
     
  10. 1.8t

    1.8t Member

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    No, I have not moved on to another relationship yet. Initially, we try to console each other through our breakup, because neither of us could imagine our lives without one another. She is a very good girl...actually, excellent considering the shit I see people on this forum going through, which makes it harder to let go. She has not moved on either and told me as recently as last week that "the thought of her kissing another guy makes her want to puke". She always wanted to continue contact and hoped we could be together again once she got her life iron'ed out and knew what she would be doing(she has pretty bad anxiety and the combination of our relationship and her not knowing where her job with me was just too much). I think that is pretty much crap, which may or may not be true, but that is how I am. I told her it would be best if we didn't talk anymore. She was able to convince me otherwise until last week, where the news that I would be losing my job sent me over the edge. I just told her it was time to part ways and if we were meant to be, it would happen again sometime in the future. We left on good terms, we had an excellent relationship by any means(coming from her, myself, her family, my family, AND our friends), and we both still have feelings for each other in some form or another. Its just not the right time, which makes her not the right person right now. What sucks for me though is I am VERY picky when it comes to people I date. It will likely be many years before I find someone worth what I saw in her again.

    I will probably use this job to get out of Atlanta and "start new" somewhere else. It will help me forget about her and move on with my life.
     

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