SRS A friend was raped, what can I do?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ZimDogg, Mar 1, 2005.

  1. ZimDogg

    ZimDogg New Member

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    Hey everyone... Im actually here because a good friend of mine has recently come out and told me that she had been raped about three months ago. Ive been trying to tell her that she needs to go to some sort of authority, however she doesn't want to do this because she doesn't want her name being tossed around as "the girl that claims she was raped". At the time that this happened, she actually called me the next day and told me that this person attempted it, but she faught enough to keep him off of her, however she just told me recently what really happened. What Im searching for is some way that I can help her with what shes going through. She just feels so used and abused and I cant help but to want to help her. I told her I would do some research as to what she could do while keeping her case kind of behind closed doors, but I really dont know much. So far Ive sort of come across the Rape Shield Law, but I dont know how much that will keep her out of the new/ gossip/ etc. If anyone has any advice, itd be very helpful... thanks.
     
  2. ZimDogg

    ZimDogg New Member

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    BTW, sorry if this isnt in the right place mods. If you move it will send me a PM telling me where its at? Thanks
     
  3. raded

    raded New Member

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  4. ZimDogg

    ZimDogg New Member

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    if someone wants to move it go for it
     
  5. BoogieKnight

    BoogieKnight Active Member

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    I've been through this twice :hs:

    I have had to be there for 2 friends in college that were raped. First, go to the police. Even if you don't have evidence or witnesses, you can still file a report. At least the cops will have the rapist's name on file, in case it happens again. If your friend doesn't feel like filling reports or charges w/ the police, don't push her. Just be there for her. I know that beating the shit out of this guy is your first instinct. Your town/county might have counselors that she can talk confidentially to. If there is no help locally, go to http://www.rainn.org/ . This is a national organization that deals with things like this.

    She may feel bad or blame herself, but remind her that this was not her fault.
     
  6. Fearan

    Fearan Guest

    Tell her to buy a knife. :o

    Seriously, this would be better in the asylum.
     
  7. Asylum. I'll offer help if I can.
     
  8. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    On Topic ==> Asylum
     
  9. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    Well, living through it myself, unless she has not gone to the police she realy needs too. She also needs to have some tests run to make sure the person that did it did not have any dieseases or something like HIV and AIDS. If she has, all you can do is be there for her. She is going to need company and when she needs you I would be their for her. The healing process for this takes such a long time. If she has a boyfriend then she will most likely deny him of sex for quite sometime, because it will just be a reminder. Considering she has not turned this person in, it is probably someone she knows well. And all you can realy do is be there for her. But, I would try to push her to go get tested if she has not already.
     
  10. What can you do: Well first I'd read my blog entry on rape. I posted two of them, and I'll link you to both. These cover more than just rape, but they will tell you what to do in your relationship with this other person.

    Blog 1 on Rape

    Blog 2 On Rape
     
  11. tigerlily

    tigerlily Spoiled brat.

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    More than anything in the world she needs to talk to someone about this. Weather it be trained rape couselors or whatever, it is so very important to talk with them. Holding it all inside can only cause it to hurt more :hs:
     
  12. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    she should really see a therapist about this... this is something that can scar her for life.

    don't sweat it... the therapist won't tell anyone by law.
     
  13. ZimDogg

    ZimDogg New Member

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    Thanks for all the replys... actually I know who the guy is that did this, and the reason she wont turn him in is because its her ex BF's friend. I was actually dating her for the past few months and we started dating officially about a month after it happened. I also recently broke up with her, and went and got tested to make sure i was in the clear, and I was... so Ill bet she is too. Its just a really hard situation because Id like more than anything to go kick this fuckers balls out his asshole, but id rather see him get prosecuted for it. Ive tried and tried again to have to report it, but she just wont do it... i dunno what to do past that :-|
     
  14. this

    this Guest

    Are you sure she was raped? I mean she might well have been, but consider that she claims an ex raped her when you were her boyfriend, but she doesn't want to report it to anyone. Could be totally legit, but could just be a line she fed you and you took it so seriously that she has to continue it.

    BTW, if the two of you have broken up, why are you still so involved in the situation when she clearly doesn't wish to do anything about it?
     
  15. ZimDogg

    ZimDogg New Member

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    It wasnt her Ex that she said did it... its one of his friends. Im involved with it because I still care about her. It wasnt a messy break up and Im still gonna be there for her whenever she needs someone to talk to things about.
     
  16. How to Help Your Friend

    Believe him or her. And don't blame the victim with "why" questions like "Why were you there? Why did you walk home alone? Why didn't you scream/fight/run."

    All control has been stripped from your friend during the assault. Allow your friend to make decisions about what steps to take next. Do not tell the victim what to do.

    What You can Do

    Encourage your friend to get medical attention. Services at the emergency room, or through the local Rape Crisis/Sexual Assault Center are important because there may be internal injuries that are not apparent as well as the risk of STD's and pregnancy. A medical exam can also help provide evidence should the victim decide to prosecute. The victim should make these decisions.

    Let your friend decide who will know about the assault. It is not your place to tell people.

    Allow your friend to cry, scream, yell - whatever they may feel. Remember the victim is venting emotions toward the assailant and the situation, not you. Suggest calling a professional counselor who can help your friend with their feelings.

    And remember you don't have to deal with the feelings and emotions you are having concerning your friend's attack alone either. Check with your school or university for resources near you.

    Listen to your friend. Don't add your opinions. If the victim wishes to remain silent, do not force a discussion. Say you will be there to listen always.

    Above all else - be a friend.

    Source

    (1)Safe Campus Now - If Your Friend Is Raped
     

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