SRS A different kind of problem for the Asylum

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Hootahz314, Nov 17, 2005.

  1. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    I have an 8 year old whom I love more than any single thing on this planet. I hate to see him hurt. Tonight in a confrontation between me and my sons friends parent I think I just ruined his friendship. Not because I was being a Bitch, all I asked is that my neighbors son respect my sons belongings. No screaming, no cussing (on my part anyway), no hateful tones (once again on my part). To make a reallllllly long story short (atleast short enough not to take an entire page), my sons friends came over. They are brothers and like brothers they fight. Well, they got into a fight and the one brother (the not so normal one) left my house screaming I hate you faggots and then slamming my door. I called my son and his other friend to me and asked what was going on, I was then told that my sons XBox controller was thrown against a wall because the boy that left lost in a race. Nothing more. Simple poor sportsmanship in a game. I let them go play while I went next door. I asked the boy that went home to please not throw my sons belongings because should anything get broken I have to replace it. I also told him I have no problems with him coming over to play because my son enjoys playing with him. It was simple kid stuff. I also told him that he could come to me if he was having a problem so that I could diffuse any fights before they start. Not good enough for this kids dad apparently. He doesn't even look up from his video game and says "Brendan, you are not allowed to fucking play over there ever again". I stated that it wasn't an argument between my son and his, just one between him and his brother. He, once again didn't even look at me, he just said "no, Brendan can just fucking stay here". He said it in a way that made me feel guilty or like I wasn't handling the situation the way he wants (if that was the case, he'd have me just shut up and deal with it, not ever gonna happen). I know that I am not in the wrong here. I understand kids argue, but when it comes down to treating my sons property with no respect I can't have that. But once again invited Brendan back over to play. I left and 5 minutes later Brendan is at my door with a cocky little attitude saying that his brother has to come home. I already know what this means because I know their dad more than I care to. He isn't allowed to come back over to play. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't live in a neighborhood where children are scarce. Unfortunately, these two kids are the only ones really around. Now my Son is upset because he can't play with his friends and I'm not about to go into detail for him as to why (their father is miserable and selfish and has no intentions of ever caring for his kids more than himself). I just feel so fucking horrible.

    On top of this situation I get to deal with these neighbors constantly at my door asking for favors. They've used my washer and dryer almost daily for almost 6 months until I finally just got pissed off (no, I was not getting any compensation, yes I was essentially paying all of the utilities to run my washer/dryer). They ask to borrow my car and when I say no I am the fucking devil. I am the biggest Bitch the world has ever known. They will ask for rides, which I give them. They ask me to babysit until all hours of the night and then pay me $10 for the whole deal, which I'd rather do just so 2 10 year olds aren't home by themselves until 4 in the morning. They've even had their cordless phone plugged into one of my phone jacks because their phone was disconnected and proceeded to answer my phone on the first ring, every time (and I wasn't getting any messages, which is the least they could have done). And yet I still get treated like shit. As a matter of fact, I was out until 3am last night because their shit vehicle broke down. Then this morning again I was out all day helping them get their car towed back to their place. I feel like nothing is good enough for these people. If something goes wrong for them, they treat me like shit because whatever happened to them didn't happen to me. I keep doing what I do because one day I just might need a favor (God forbid) and like I already know they will have an excuse as to why they cannot help me and I will know it isn't because I haven't shown courtesy to them, it will be because they are truly selfish people. Him way moreso than her. Sorry for the long ass rant here. I do plan on moving in January, even if it means resorting back to an apartment complex. Unfortunately January is still too far off to have any peace of mind now. For me and my Son.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Wrong wrong wrongety wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wronger wrong wrongst wrong and wrong.

    Two things.

    You aren't the parent of 'those children' of your neigbhour, which concludes that you aren't allowed in the parenting of them, despite you being a parent yourself, you need to define your boundries and not let your own role as a parent flow over in the parenting job your shitty neighbours have to do.

    What's even more disturbing is the following, do you understand fully this.

    There's a thick line between helping someone ,and letting your good willingness being abused.

    Real help is when someone is in an emergency type of situation, example your sister is dying and you donate blood to her. Thats real help.

    Abuse is when there is no emergency and the person is able to fix the problem themselves. Example, please lend me money to buy (unnecessary stuff) a noob type kind of begging which you too often see in runescape. Wanting stuff while they should work for it themselves.

    Distantiate yourself, if your kid goes to complain just say that its the neigbhourhoods daddy that doesn't allow him, and if your son wants to play you say he is allowed to play with him. As long as its ok with shitty neighbour dad.


    From now on do NOT lend ANYTHING anymore to them, let them think you are the devil , let those shitters work for their own money and buy a dryer,a washing machine, a new car and what not. You owe them nothing.
     
  3. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    The reason I even said anything to the kid was because of a situation I was in before and was told that if he did anything he isn't supposed to do to say something. I didn't raise my voice and I don't really think I sounded like a parent to him. I haven't even gone into detail about how his dad talks to my son (which is another long post and the reason my son is not allowed to go to their house).

    As far as the things I do and the length in which I do them isn't because I like feeling like a sucker, it's because I want my son to know that we've been 'blessed' with..not wealth, but the opportunity to live as comfortably as we do. When we get things like that we share them. I realize I need to say no to these winners because you are right, they can have the same opportunities that I've worked hard for. I wouldn't hesitate to help anyone in need. That is my problem. I didn't even realize it was a problem until I met these two and they mistake my kindness for being a cashcow and taxi driver. The funny thing about the whole car ride thing is that they've had 5 (yes five) cars in the year and a half that I've known them and their luck with them has sucked. I feel bad. Guess I need to get over that. About distancing myself, yeah I've been doing that for about 7 months now (when I say that I mean that I don't go to their house to hang out or socialize). Unfortunately, they know where my door is and they don't hesitate to knock on it. Now I feel like the horrible person because I thought I was doing the right thing all along.
     
  4. gnat

    gnat New Member

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    WOW, I don't know where to start.

    Drop them like a hot crack pipe. Don't do ANYTHING for them. If they leave their kids at home until 4am call the department of children services. That's not right to do, and as long as you keep picking up their slack they'll continue to abuse you. Put an end to it today. I'm sorry but I don't think I'd let my kid over there anyway, it's obvious the guy has no respect for his own children. Why would he give a shit about yours? He won't, and doesn't, and never will. Let them wear dirty clothes, let them miss appointments, let them cry about how no one will help them. Let them see what it takes to be normal and take care of your own responsibilities.

    Wow, I'm not even advocating being a bitch to them, don't think I'm trying to have you turn evil on them, treat them badly, or do anything wrong. All I want you to do is stop being their doormat. You owe it to yourself to not be dragged into their fucked up, selfish excuse for a life.

    If they start begging and bitching and crying... tell them straight up what you think about them. Tell them you have no time for people who can't keep their own shit together. Tell them to simply grow up. If you're feeling especially perky, tell them they're pieces of shit, and you or your children don't play with shit. heheh sorry, anyways, end this routine and learn from this.

    My g/f is the same way, very selfless and will do anything to help anyone. But I have to keep her in check because she'll allow someone to take advantage of her if I don't. :nono:

    Do yourself a favor and them a favor, and end the bullshit.

    You may want to show your son to be good but have you thought that you may be showing your son how to be run over? In the long run you'll feel better about yourself if you don't allow yourself to be abused by these people. Their abuse will only keep you down, under their thumb. Rise above it and move on. Oh and definately don't feel bad for helping them in the past.. You were doing the right thing until they showed that they had no intentions of being reasonable. Now that you know this, its time to cut it off. No use in crying over spilled milk ya know? Make yourself feel better by not being trampled by these assholes. It may take a little while but it's ok, you'll feel better in the long run.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2005
  5. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    You know, your son isn't too young to learn a little bit about this stuff. I'm sure he's already figured out that different friends' parents have different styles of parenting. What he might not have figured out is that parents have interpersonal relationships just like kids do, and they can succeed or fail for exactly the same reasons. Just explain it in his terms: if he paid for a bunch of candy and people kept eating it without paying him back, how would he feel? If he was nice to people but they kept being mean to him for no good reason, how would he feel? Your son needs to have some closure on this, especially if he's not allowed to interact with his friends from now until the time you move. :hs:
     
  6. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Bad parenting on their part. From the way you present it, the parents are kids themselves. It might be better to let your kid ask the other kids to respect their property (something like "man don't do that, you know my mom will throw a fit if this stuff gets broken!" - let them blame that much on you, that's what you're there for).

    I don't think it's necessarily right to cut them off in return though. I think one of the best ways to give a good example to your kids is to show them how to be nice to other people in the face of adversity.

    If the parents are that bad, you might consider something liek contacting CPS. But foster care is often far worse.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You know you aren't 'helping' these people.

    Its the old fisherman story, you can fish all you want but the guy keeps begging, if you learn him how to fish he can sustain himself.

    Your neigbhours need to sustain themselves in their livelyhood, but instead of letting them abuse you, let them buy their own dryer or washing machine or car or whatever.

    Would you raise your son to be a beggar? Your neigbhours aren't handicapped as far as i know, they have hands and legs and with that they could work for their money. I think you are a wonderfull person, but you have to learn to say NO (stop to here and no further)

    And you have to make a big difference between , real help, and letting someone abusing your good intentions.
     
  8. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    It is actually almost scary that DFS was mentioned :eek3: . I got a phone call from a man working at the Illinois DCFS today. It was over some things pertaining to a custody battle with the little boy that threw my Sons controller. His dad is apparently having custody battles with his ex wife over him. She called DCFS after the kid told her that he was being left home alone until he got up the next day (which, yeah is the absolute truth) and that he was being beaten by him as well (this I haven't seen, but I have seen him wrestle and rack his boys...I know). I was recorded in my telephone interview and I answered each question rather vaguely because I was told that if I have enough information regarding anything I might be called in to court. I'm sure the man noticed. Anyway, the point of telling this is because apparently my neighbor thought that I might make him look better than he actually is, so he gave my phone number and name to be a character witness. He came over to tell me AFTER I got off of the phone with DFS. After feeling like I had some extra zing in my wheaties I told him off. I asked him what the fuck was wrong with him. Why the fuck would he even assume I wanted to be pulled into his clusterfuck when I don't need the added stress. He said that he would have done the same for me and I should be generous. I (being a Bitch) told him that I would never find myself in this situation because I know the difference between a child and a grown man able to fend for himself. I thought honestly I was going to get a fist in the face. I was prepared for it actually. I told him after sitting there half gleaming, half ready to strike that if he feels the need to have to lie to DFS then he is obviously doing something very wrong. People don't get defensive over a nonexistent problem. He got up and left. Didn't say anything, even sent his kids over to play tonight, I think he just didn't want to deal with them.
     
  9. gnat

    gnat New Member

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    Wow, nice job. I'm glad to hear you stood up and told him what you thought, I'm proud of you. You shouldn't feel bad about telling dfs anything because if it's the truth you should feel bad about it. I wouldn't feel bad about being called on in court either. Your job would be to tell the truth, and if that gets him in trouble then that's his fault, not yours.
     

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