This is an update for the regulars who've asked me about my dating life atm, its going to be a long, self centered post. Celibacy A little over a year ago, as you may remember (because I went on about it for months) I became celibate. I did this because I never felt feelings. I would get to a certain point with whoever I was with, and my feelings would level off and just stop. I would realize a few months after falling in love that I felt literally nothing for the person, and that there was nothing they had done to warrant that. Rather than risk the long term love fiasco, I used sex for false intimacy. I never really figured that out until I broke up with my ex, and realized that despite being with him for about two years, and having truly thought I loved him in the past, my feelings blinked out like a light, his crying, his begging, it barely even registered with me that he was in pain, I just felt nothing for him. It had been the same with my bf before. All ex bfs polled say their biggest issue with me was that i'm emotionally cold. When I realized that I had been using sex to get a feeling of false, safe intimacy that allowed me to ignore my emotional hollowness, I stopped, and set about trying to improve the way I relate to people i'm with romantically. I started dating a guy (S) who I had like for a long time. He was a virgin, celibate for his religion. Ex stuff Oh, I should put in, I left my ex b/c he developed a heroin addiction, I didn't know he used, and bled me dry for about six months before I found out. It was DEVASTATING because its shook my sense of control so badly. My ex and I, and my friend who I liked and later dated, all used to do OC together. I stopped, because I grew out of it, they both continued without me knowing. I left my ex, was single for a couple months, and slowly started dating S. Dating S We abstained, for his religion and for my desire to form an actual emotional bond with another human being. I fell for him, hard. We were madly in love after a few months. To this day I look back, and the beginning of our relationship was truly perfect, and even now I can honestly say we are very well aligned in world view, personality, life goals, etc. After we had been together maybe sixish months (i could be wrong on the time line) I started noticing the warning signs. He was using again. I confronted him, and he admitted he had been using since about 2 months into our relationship, and that he was trying really hard to stop, and didn't want me to be hurt again over drugs so he hadn't told me, even though he knew i would have helped him. Me going bat shit fucking insane I went bat-fucking-shit insane. Before I went bat-fucking-shit insane, I did what I generally do, and threw myself wholly into helping him get clean. It would work for awhile, and then he would fall off the wagon. I did something unselfish for possibly the first time in a relationship. I realized I could not help him, even though he wanted me to. I called his mother, the only person who I thought could help him, he thanked me profusely for telling his mother, and I left him. He was clean almost the day after I told his mom. She kept him in the house, drove him to therapy, and drove him to his rehab program. He got his shit together with the quickness. In the meantime, i'm going bat-shit nuts. I have this terrified feeling that i'm about to lose control over my life, that my roommie is using again, that he's going to kill himself, that I can't protect the people I love. I make emotional demands of S that he can not possibly fulfill while he's getting clean. I need emotional support that he can't give me. He tells me he loves me, but that he can't be around me or anyone else for that matter, while getting clean, and kind of falls of the face of the earth. Won't take calls, won't go out, he's just gone. Now He starts to reemerge around February. He has his shit together. he's in therapy (which he's made incredibly progress in) he's clean, staying clean, etc. We, after a period of circling, began dating again. Its been really good again. The only problem w/ in our relationship (at this point) is resolved. important I know, that people aren't really capable of change beyond behavioral. This is a belief that I really do carry. I understand, that whatever it is that made him an addict to begin with will always be there, but the point it so recognize it, and learn to keep an eye on it. less important The progress I made, being able to form an emotional connection, has been undermined. I have one foot out of the door again, and he knows this. Its something he seems willing to wait on, and that im willing to work on. side notes A lot of people in this forum respond to relationship problems with "why are you wasting your time" I don't believe you are ever wasting time if you're doing something you feel is worthwhile. A relationship is not a failure if it doesn't last forever, the time you spend together and what you learn in that relationship IS worthwhile.