SRS 9 months later....looooong

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by strange_wu, Jan 25, 2006.

  1. strange_wu

    strange_wu Large Member

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    Hey – It’s been a while since I needed a pick me up in the asylum, so bear with me if this gets long. Last spring I talked on here a lot about my ex fiancé who up and left without telling me what was going on. We kept in touch for a few weeks, and decided that I should move to AZ to try to work it out. I quit my job, she changed her mind, I moved home to ND. Never talked to her again, she wouldn’t respond to email, phone, letters, etc…. I went through a major depression where I didn’t care about anything, lost a crazy amount of weight and did nothing but lay in bed… So I finally made myself get help, went to counseling, got put on meds and all that jazz.

    So it’s been 9 months since I’ve seen her. I’ve come a loooong way from where I was and have definitely matured through all this and learned how to deal with life (this was my first major “life changing” event). Plus I put on 40 pounds which is a good thing. I have a great job, I’m social again, I’ve met new girls – life should be good. But I can honestly say I miss her as much as I did 8 months ago and still have the unrealistic belief that she was the one for me. So at Christmas I decide to email her, just friendly stuff and that I miss her a lot. To my surprise she responded two weeks later. She was really friendly, talked about a lot of stuff we both enjoyed, our cat that she took, our dog that I took, etc… it was great to hear from her.

    But she also said that she’s being treated for depression and made it sound like she doesn’t have many friends, doesn’t like her job and is still living w/her parents. She did absolutely nothing to ease my pain when she left or even help me understand what the problem was. :fawk:So my problem – despite what she did, it breaks my heart to hear that she’s not doing too well and I can’t do anything about it. I emailed her back, but haven’t heard anything in 2 weeks. I don’t know if something happened to her lately, something happened to her before she left, or what she’s going through. But I'm worried about her. It probably shouldn’t concern me, but to think that she just took off when everything seemed to be going great and is now telling me that she’s depressed (she didn’t say why), leaves me thinking “what the hell”. We had a great thing going and it’s come down to this – me over depression, but still heartbroke and her depressed in AZ. I don’t get it….


    Thanks for reading…and yes, I know I need to move on and forget about it.:squint: It’s just a matter of finding nonpainful method of amnesia or a really cool girl.
     
  2. Create

    Create :free at last:

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    Yeah, you do.

    You can't rescue her, man. Even if you are the knight in shining armor the euphoria won't last long for either of you and then it'll likely be the same roller-coaster ride.

    Substitution is not a solution. You'll still have the same dependency when the substitute runs out, right?

    What you need is a few new experiences, complete with a few minor successes. I wish I knew you better so I could be more specific.
     
  3. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    :hug:
    Good for you for getting through the last 9 months in a positive way.
    What else can be said that you don't already know?
    just don't count on amnesia or a cool girl to help you forget. You won't forget, but you can move on. It always takes WAY longer than you expect it to, though.
     
  4. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    Well did she help you when you were stuggling? Nope. So I'm not sure why you feel obligated to help her?
     
  5. abyssinianson

    abyssinianson New Member

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    give her up, man. i know someone like that and you will only be beating yourself up over someone like her - the consumate princess. a relationship requires TWO people putting the work in, not just you doing all the work to make something happen. if she is not putting in the work and is reaping all of this attention and affection meanwhile leaving you in a wreck then, do away with her. she ain't worth it. you need someone who is more appreciative and encouraging.
     
  6. strange_wu

    strange_wu Large Member

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    Thanks guys... I know what I need to do, and I agree with what all of you say. I keep telling myself I can be as happy as I was with her, without her, and that I didn't do anything to put her in whatever kind of funk she's in. It's believing what I keep telling myself that's hard. Do you just keep telling yourself something until you actually believe it?
     
  7. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    One never wants to believe it. Not really. Friends or whomever will tell you to forget it and move on, yet there is always that little spark on hope that things will change for the better, that by some miracle you'll get back together and live happily ever after. Sometimes this belief goes on for months. The WHAM! The truth hits one one like a ton of bricks...they are not coming back, their is no magic potion, they have not reconsidered, they are not dying without you, they do not miss you, yadda, yadda. When this happens, you accept. Just accept it and move on. The pain lessens, the memories are stored somewhere in the back of your mind, you even start to forget what they looked like. However, it is not an overnight thing, and with all things in life and love, it takes time. Sad but true.
     
  8. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    Im sure some people do it that way. But personally I have to do a cost-benifit analysis along with karam and logic and other things to prove to myself something. It takes a lot to do it for me. I'm not sure how others work.
     
  9. j12p

    j12p New Member

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    It is normal to be concerned about her well being, but you do not need to let yourself be negatively impacted by her. You have come along way and I assume it was not an easy task for you to overcome the relationship and achieve the happiness you have now. She obviously has not taken the steps to let the relationship go if she is still having issues, but that is not your fault. Enjoy where you are in your life and move on. If you feel you want to be there for her do so, but do not get yourself into a slump over something that is over. You have to put yourself first.
     

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