8 years relationship over?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Nick01GT, Feb 26, 2006.

  1. Nick01GT

    Nick01GT New Member

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    we are both 24..been with each other for 8 years(we were both 16 at the time) and last night she tells me that she wants a break to think about things. She said she still loves me like the day we met but that for the last month or 2 shes been thinking that our interest are not the same anymore. We are still living with our parents(i work full time on heavy equipment and make really good money while saving for a house) and She's still in university (Law school ,1 year left).

    Our plans were to save up for a house and when shes done and gets her job we buy one. She said our interest are not the same anymore...she likes to run(marathons and stuff like that) so i started running with her last year and did a few 5k's-10k's, she went to egypt, france and england and now really wants to go to Africa but i dont like making trips too much. I'm more of a laid back guy, i like cars(own a mustang), sports, hockey and that kinda stuff.

    I told her last night i could change everything and i could go make a few trips with her but she dosent want me to change cuz she thinks ill be miserable and wont like my life.

    We both cried when i brought her back home(first time she ever seen me cry) and kissed...

    i havent slept last night and eated since and really feel like i have nothing left. She was the only thing making me get up in the morning. I seriously cant live without her and i almost did a few bad things to hurt myself last night on my way back from her house.

    She just called me 1 hour ago and shes coming over to pick me up to go ''somewhere'' in the afternoon.

    i hope its something good..

    any help would be appreciated... :(
     
  2. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I think you should read this article I wrote...

    http://www.friendzoned.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4

    Being laid back = boring. Being boring = women dump guys. It's too late to "change" now, because you've proven to her for the past 8 years (or a portion thereof) that you're not going to change and you are who you are.

    How do you win her back? Again, another article I wrote:

    http://www.friendzoned.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2

    Read the part about the boat with the leak. Basically, it's probably too late now to "fix things" because you let it go so far without picking up on her desire for adventure.

    Can you save it? Sure, anything's possible, but do you want to? She wants to travel the world, you want to relax at home and start a family - sounds like you are two people who should not be together. I'd personally recommend thinking about the fact that you should find a younger woman who wants to start a family, get a house, and do the things you like doing. My fiance' is like that, and boy am I glad I am with her.

    In the mean time, it sucks, but start hanging out with friends. Get away from her and show her that you are an adult, you have a backbone, and that you're not going to beg or kiss her ass. If you keep asking for her back it'll only strengthen her position of dumping you. If it's predictable and boring, it will drive her away. So do something she does not expect at the very least, and you may catch her attention again.

    Me, personally? I'd accept that she's changed too much and she's not right for me.

    Good luck. :hug:
     
  3. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    She is 100% correct.

    That's why I've never asked any of my exes to change for me, and if they insist I change for them, then they are not wanting me, but just a body to stand beside them.


    8 Years is a long time, but you were together for the most important time in life for social and relationship deveolpment, now you'll need to learn to form new relationships, but unfortunatly will be behind in that development in comparison to your peers that had several relatinships in that time.

    I was kinda the opposite, I had no relationships in that time, well I did, but didn't really develope them, and then I had a serious relationship develop at age 20 that lasted for a few years.
    I'm still learning to start relationships that are healthy, but it never gets easy.

    Anyway, best of luck to you, and your ex. Best advice I can give you is to agree to be friends (if you want to remain friends) but spend a shitload of time apart between now and when you two can be in teh same room without at least one of you still wanting to be in an intimate relationship with that person.
     
  4. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I'd never recommend he be friends with his ex, because he clearly likes her too much and it will (1) reinforce to her that he's a kiss-ass (2) other women will see he's not over her (3) he won't imrpove his dating and social skills (4) he will miss opportunities to be with other women and (5) he'll never get laid.

    I think the fifth reason is all that matters, what? :naughty:
     
  5. limited_skillz

    limited_skillz I'm a dumbass!

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    8 years and you havent asked her to marry you yet?

    anyways, this really sucks, i mean youve missed out on so much other dating, its gonna be hard, and it could possibly lead to suicide
     
  6. Nick01GT

    Nick01GT New Member

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    i know..
     
  7. deleterious

    deleterious OT Supporter

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    :rolleyes:
     
  8. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    That's why I put the If you want to remain friends part in there. ;)

    But like I said there needs to be a long period of no contact between them.
     
  9. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    That's in my article that I linked to. ;)
     
  10. Pr0phecy

    Pr0phecy Guest

    Hey doc, your advice didn't help shit. My parents taught me all that when I was young. :)
     
  11. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

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    I hope things turn out good for you bro
     
  12. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Good for you. So help someone else with it, not everyone learns this stuff.
     
  13. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

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    yea man good luck with that..keep us updated. you guys seem to both have good heads on your shoulders and will figure out what's right for the both of you. other than that, just try to keep strong and be prepared for whatever the outcome is
     
  14. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

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    not to be an ass or anything but better now then 10 years down the road when you two could possibly be married with kids already then it'd be even harder, think about it... if it's really not going to work out... it won't no matter how hard you try.... there is a saying that I always tell people.....

    It doesn't matter how much time you get; What matters is what you choose to do with the time given to you.
     
  15. Krispy

    Krispy You want to taste it i know

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    doesn't matter if it's 8 months or 8 years. you might have to accept the fact that it's just over, but life continues. it's hard but it's life.
     
  16. aznxplayer

    aznxplayer dying in a fire

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    dont do stupid things over a girl, i almost broke my hand when i broke up with my ex girlfriend. you'll regret it.

    but its normal to feel bad and not be able to sleep and eat, since you have too much on your mind. as hard as it may be, just look foward. and it will probably take a long time.
     
  17. Nick01GT

    Nick01GT New Member

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    yep thats exactly how i feel...

    UPDATE:

    We talked for a bit and i explained what i could do to help out our different interest...start new stuff, try new and different things and maybe like eachothers interest. She looked happy I said all that and i left it at that for 4-5 days to leave her time to think.

    then last night i did something like the second poster said:(do something she does not expect at the very least, and you may catch her attention again.)

    I went and got my Eyebrow Pierced(barbell) without telling her. We had talked about it a good year ago and she liked it and i liked it too but was too much of a chicken to do it.

    So i finnaly did it last night and that same night she wanted to see me. I came to her place and she was smiling when she saw me...telling me it looks really hot on me and that SHE NEVER THOUGHT I'D DO IT. We talked for a good hour after(she didnt want to talk about our relationship though). Then i left, she gave me a kiss on the lips and a hug saying she'll call me this weekend.

    Is there anything to understand from all this? i felt like there was a bit more hope..

    Maybe my piercing caught her off guard and really didnt expect me to do that and now thinks we can try different interest and maybe like them.

    what do think?
     
  18. john80

    john80 The only constant is change

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    The peircing was a pleasant surprise bro, something good. Just be yourself for the next few days, don't go get drunk and make any mistakes, etc.

    Her asking for time means that in the last few weeks, months or even years possibly, she's had this on her mind. And things have been leading up to it. You can't change who you are, but you can change how you live day to day.

    The best thing to do is convince her that you're willing to talk about the things she's had in her mind and you're not upset that she's been carrying these hidden worries/feelings. Tell her you're willing to hear her out without interuption, that you want her to complain about her bf to you...as a friend. If that makes sense.

    In the meantime, don't completely revamp yourself, she'll see it as you're trying to hard. But changing small things is good. :)
     
  19. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Actions speak louder than words... you can talk until you are blue in the face, but talking is not doing...

    Ah, actions speak louder than words...

    Of course that worked in your favor. You just showed her the real you - the guy who does things on his own and for himself (hopefully!) and is not tied down to her being in charge. It's like you showed her you had a backbone, had some self confidence to go out and do something that takes guts. Sure she liked that. Now you gotta keep it up.

    Yeah, stop talking about the relationship... DO the relationship. ;)

    I think you showed her you're not kissing her ass. I mean, running the marathons and all are nice but why do that? It's not you, and she knows it.

    Example: This weekend my fiance laid into me. She got all bent out of shape that I was flirting with other women at a bar. (Well, doh, that's my job basically.) Round and round we went. (Of course I never offered to change.) Finally, she admits something along the lines of "I knew this was who you were when I met you, and I don't expect you to change."

    The issue is that if I had caved into her demands, so to speak, it would have showed her I did not have a backbone. I would have not been myself. Part of being who I am and not bowing to her pressure to change is what makes me an attractive man to her. As soon as she starts "shaping" me into who she "wants" then it's like I am her child. She can do that with our (future) kids, but not me, and be happy. So you have to BE YOURSELF.

    I sure as hell wouldn't run a marathon for my SO. That is just crazy. I'd tell her to have fun, I'd go with her and watch, but run? Not a chance. Get me a remote and a couch and I am all good. ;)
     
  20. Nick01GT

    Nick01GT New Member

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    its over.....the different interest thing was only 25% of the reason she wanted a break. She wants to see other guys and know for sure that im the one... ya okkk..i have to accept it but i cant...

    anyways its officially over..i cant wait to see what the future holds
     
  21. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Don't you just love those half-truths women tell when they "don't want to hurt your feelings"
     
  22. mandarin orange

    mandarin orange OT Supporter

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    she's bullshitting. there's another guy she's interested in. move on. find yourself another girl. you can do better than her.
     
  23. crazy15

    crazy15 New Member

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    i don't understand why talking to her for a long time about things is a bad thing :/ like if you kinda just met her and are getting to know one another
     
  24. I'm sorry :hug:
     
  25. HunniBunni

    HunniBunni New Member

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    Stick in there and let time do the healing. :hug:

    Gives you a chance to meet the perfect girl for you.
     

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