SRS 6.5 years ended

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by nrgyserboy, Apr 12, 2010.

  1. nrgyserboy

    nrgyserboy New Member

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    I don't post here often as I have never had any relationship problems til today. I was wondering what you guys thought of my situation. I was in a 6.5 year long distance relationship from beginning of college til now. I'm 26 and girl is 23. I proposed to her last year. She accepted and we were going along fine until she told me she was not ready to get married because she felt she was still too immature and wanted to date other men. Hypothetically speaking, if she were to come back to me... should I accept her back or is this relationship completely done in your POV? We were basically each other's first relationship and first everything. I'm still shocked as this news came out of nowhere. Ever since I put a ring on her, I thought she was set on marrying me. I guess I got screwed in the end.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Say she goes off and sleeps with 3 men and comes rushing back to you.

    Do you honestly believe you would take her back no questions asked?
     
  3. nrgyserboy

    nrgyserboy New Member

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    probably not... ugggh, if i didnt have enough fuckin pride, i think id go throw myself off a bridge right now
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :hs::hug:

    Sorry man, I know it's hard when she's basically all you've ever known. And while I know this won't feel good now, it's so much better she owned up to wanting out before the wedding :hs:
     
  5. nrgyserboy

    nrgyserboy New Member

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    I guess I am glad this happened before we got married. I'm just confused how this happened so suddenly. She was asking me for an engagement ring for the past 2 years and I finally saved enough to get one and now this happens. I'd feel better if I knew there was another guy. At least it'd be a reason instead of me wondering where I went wrong or how she can just completely throw away nearly 7 years of her life overnight.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    It didn't happen overnight. You just didn't read the signs.

    Which is understandable, since in a long-distance relationship, you're not there to see the person react, look into her eyes and see what's in her heart.

    LDR's are pretty hard, its not really a full blown relationship. You haven't inhabited each other's space, you haven't lived and breathed the reality of being a truly integral part of their lives.

    I wouldn't count on her coming back. If she does, great. You can evaluate it then.
    And don't give her a free pass. If she does come back, you'll have to decide IF you'll take her back.

    You should use this gift of time to do some soul searching.

    Don't make the same mistake twice, don't get into another relationship that's a carbon copy of this one.
     
  7. CalicoJackie

    CalicoJackie New Member

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    THIS x 10. Get out there, see what you're missing. I know it's hard, we've all been there :hug: But you know what? Eventually it will all get better. It's just going to take time, which is the hardest part. One day you will wake up and not think of her.

    When that day happens, it will be the best day ever. Just hold on. You'll get through it :hsugh:
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You say that...but there definitely could be another guy, or at least o ne that piqued her interest to give her the guts to end it, but I know it's easie rto try and pin it on something else before recognizing the real issue that was there all along.

    She unfortunately sounds like a lot of young girls. They want that ring, that commitment more than anything in the world...but once she got it she realized something was still missing. This is still far better than her going all the way through just to get a wedding and then dropping the bomb on you :hs:

    Johan is right, LDR's are extremely hard, especially when it's an LDR carried from high school over many years. You technically grow apart even though you're together, but a level of independence tends to still exist. Most likely there have been signs, but just take a step back and slowly but surely you might start to notice some problems that were swept under the rug that could have contributed to her "sudden" fear of one man for the rest of her life.
     
  9. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Get that ring back if she's not mature enough to get married she's not mature enough to accept that ring, that should also hit home with her that you ready to move on. She's going through that "grass is greener" phase I wouldn't wait around on her.
     
  10. nrgyserboy

    nrgyserboy New Member

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    Thanks for the advice everyone. There's not too many wise and experienced people in my life. I have to get my stuff out of her house in May when I go to California. I'm nervous about seeing her. I don't know whether I should just drop by when she is home or if I should just drop by when she's out to pick my stuff up. I'm afraid I'll get sucked back into it. I think I'm going to have to move on though regardless.
     
  11. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    I hate how all people assume a woman is a whore for breaking up with a guy for wanting to date other guys. Sometimes a person just needs to see what else is out there before they settle down with someone.

    Not all situations are the same, nor do things always work out for the better. But I have a friend that has a similar story with a happy ending.

    My friend was a junior in college and his girlfriend of 2+ years at the time was a freshman. She broke up with him so she could date other guys. He was heart broken and devastated when this happened. He told me it took him about a year before he finally wasn't thinking about her all the time and was able to move on with his life. He also had started dating other women. So one day he was working out at his usual gym. This was after about a year from the time she had broken up with him. She shows up at his gym and says hi as he was walking past. He said that because he was still bitter about the break up and that he had finally been able to move on, that he didn't give her the time of day and ignored her and walked right past her and left the gym and walked out to his car. She chased his ass down to talk to him. They went out for a drink and to talk. Now they are happily married with a kid.

    I guess she just needed time to realize that what she wanted was already right in front of her, and she pushed it away thinking there was something better out there.

    Let her go out and do her own thing. I know it's against all odds, but there is always the possibility that she realizes what she lost and will want it back again. In the meantime, focus on yourself and move forward.
     
  12. nrgyserboy

    nrgyserboy New Member

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    I'm not saying she's a whore. She is just confused. Anyways, I wish I am as fortunate as your friend but I don't know how your friend was able to take her back. She called me her "safety net" which basically means, if she cant find anything better out there, I'm the fallback plan. She was leaving me because she didn't want me to be her safety net and that it wasn't a fair situation. Damn that's hard to take.
     
  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    No one said she was a whore. The OP asked for advice.
    We all gave him advice on how to safeguard his life, his feelings, his future.

    If SHE asked for advice, we'd give the same.

    Nowhere was "whore" part of the equation. :rolleyes:
     
  14. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    this is the way i look at these types of RS.

    they ALMOST never end well. you started out so young and were each others firsts. most people want to at least date a few people.

    if she wants you back any time soon my suggestion is hell no.

    if she does, say...... 3 yrs dowm the line.... bc you guys met up again or whatever, then who knows.
     
  15. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    She's doing you a favor. You don't want to marry the first girl you had a real relationship with. That's a recipe for disaster. If she hadn't wanted to be free to date other people then you would have ended up feeling the same way at one point.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Do you plan on talking to one another still on a friendly basis right now?
     
  17. nrgyserboy

    nrgyserboy New Member

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    No, I think TheHandofChaos has it right. I'm changing my phone number and getting rid of everything that reminds me of her. We did meet when we were too young. I was 20, she was 17. At this point, I'm cutting everything off. She's already called me a couple times to talk but I know nothings gonna change. She's just calling because she's having a hard time letting go and she's so used to me being there as part of her daily routine. Maybe when I get out of the military and we meet up again in a couple years, I might see if she's still around but I'm too heartbroken and angry to talk on a friendly basis right now.
     
  18. TopDawg

    TopDawg New Member

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    Good on you, man. Good on you!
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :bowdown: So glad to read this. It will be better off for you, no doubt.
     
  20. nrgyserboy

    nrgyserboy New Member

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    Just wondering... are there people in here that think (hypothetically speaking of course)... if we go our seperate ways and years down the road, we meet up again, that its worth taking the chance to start a relationship all over again? Or should i get rid of this idea completely?
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It's just not something to even worry about now. The reason those kinds of stories can sometimes work out is because the two people truly did go their separate ways, grow alone, and once came back together naturally and were both ready to try again.

    Thinking about that now would almost be trying to force and hope for it in the future, it needs to be a more natural, coincidental progression to work.
     
  22. nrgyserboy

    nrgyserboy New Member

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    true... fuck, im still clinging onto this... terrible, cant trust my own judgment right now. thankks wihyouwerebeer
     
  23. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    There's always a chance... but you can't dwell on it. You need to keep moving forward yourself.

    Despite the story I shared, I have heard more stories where the gf broke up with the bf, and years later wants to get back together only the guy is happy in a new relationship. Anything can happen, and it usually does when you least expect it.
     
  24. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    do i think it can happen. yes i do.

    however, the key to this is to not think about the possibility.

    the only way IMO that those kind of stories can work is when the two parties seperate, grow through other relationships, grow while being single, and then IF they meet again realize that what they had was true love but that they needed to first go through life apart and grow as individuals.
     
  25. nrgyserboy

    nrgyserboy New Member

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    Thanks for the advice everyone. I just got my number changed, got rid of any links, except my one email which i cant change because of work and stuff but other than that... I'm off to a good start i suppose.
     

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