SRS 5 years down the drain....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by AtoorayasGrl, Apr 11, 2007.

  1. AtoorayasGrl

    AtoorayasGrl New Member

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    I tend to "lurk" a lot, but this time I thought I would make a thread so here it goes.... :hs:

    I've been going out with my boyfriend...now ex for over 5 years. We first started going out our freshman year of college so yeah we were young...but we made it through it all. I grew up with this kid....told him everything and anything and he was my first everything... all of a sudden right after our 5 year anniversary he told me he doesn't know who he is anymore and that he has been with me for too long. Of course I tried to console him and told him that it's ok to take a break. Well....8 hours later my dad comes running into my room saying hes taking my mom to the hospital because she cant breath. I end up freaking out and going to the hospital. (note- my mom was diagnosed with scleroderma 5 months ago before this happened) I get to the ER and she's hooked up to a ventilator and has all these IV's hooked up to her. The doctors say that she had a minor heart attack, along with septis (spelling?) which is basically poisoning of your blood due to an iffection- in her case a UTI. On top of that she developed phneomonia. I ask the doctors if she'll be ok and they basically tell me that they dont want to give me any false hope and that she's in critical condition. Of course I freak out and end calling the "boyfriend" because I needed support. So throughout this whole time with my mom in the ER he doesn't come home (he's a pilot) because he needs to be away from everything and everyone. I understood that.... I didn't care that he didn't come home because I knew his career was on the line. However, he would call me everyday to ask how my moms doing. After a couple of days everything seemed to be looking better for my mom so I had hope that everything would be ok. Well about 2 weeks ago, I went to visit her at the hospital and I ended up talking to her cardiologist because she had some heart tests done due to the heart attack she suffered and he tells me that she needs open heart surgery. Well she ended up having triple bypass and she made it through somehow... during this whole entire time I am battling it out with my ex and of course I end up having a panic attack and get rushed to the ER. A couple of days ago he IM's me online and asks if he can still go to the Cubs game with me. (I got him tickets to a Cubs game for our 5 year anniversary) Of course the convo ends up in me breaking up with him because I couldn't stand to be the one who sits there and tries to defend our relationship and begs for him to stay and have a change of heart. We've done "mini" breaks before but it never was anything serious. We went out for a solid 5 years and all of a sudden he tells me he doesn't know what it's like to be single anymore....durrng this whole entire process. I had no choice to break up with him because I can't handle anymore stress in my life. Now I'm the one sitting at home craying my eyes out every night and every minute I'm at work while he's out and about "living his life." I don't know what to do anymore... I know I need support from my friends but how am I going to get that when all of them are in a relationship. He was the only guy I TRUSTED. I just need some feedback.... I don't know how to start my life over again...nor do I want to think about how I'm going to get through this. I know I need to be strong but honestly after all of this, I have no strength left in me. :wtc:

    Any feedback would be greatky appreciated. I know I am all over the place in this thread, but I am a little drunk right now so I appologize for all of the spelling/grammar mistakes.

    And yes....my ex has a sub to offtopic so I'm sure some of you might recognize the name Atooraya.
     
  2. Kokomo

    Kokomo OT Supporter

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    its ok
    go to a bar or something

    i hope your mother gets better
     
  3. AtoorayasGrl

    AtoorayasGrl New Member

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    been there...done that. Getting drunk isn't going to help. I'm just going to dwell in my own misery once the buzz wears off. Thank you for the response though...
     
  4. iamjeff6

    iamjeff6 UDARIS

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    just surround your self with your friends

    thats what i do

    but alcohol does work but it wears off and then your in a even shitter mood

    hope everything works out for you, because in the end things do happen for a reason
     
  5. Well coming from someone close to a similar situation in the relationship department, you will be fine. Things will get better and be glad this happened now instead of a few years down the road, he has to go out, party some and get this single shit out of his system, then he will come crawling back to you. Granted, that is normally how it goes. Now if you meant that much to him, he is suffering as much as you are if not more. Just remember that. Now surround yourself with friends and enjoy life, you'll be fine.
     
  6. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    i remember when he posted the exact same story.

    if he wants to be with you, let him. if the "Break" made him realize he's got what he needs, then whatever. discuss it.

    if not, move on. you'll find somebody else.

    however, yes, that's a lot of time to invest in a relationship
     
  7. AtoorayasGrl

    AtoorayasGrl New Member

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    I know...he even said himself- would you rather have me do this when we're married and have kids or now? I just don't understand how this came out of nowhere. Why did it take him 5 years to realize this? We've had this conversation about how the grass may be greener on the other side and he always reassured me that he would never do such a thing because he loves me too much. In his own words I would be "the girl that got away." Now all of a sudden he wants to be by himself and be happy with his family and friends and live his life?? How did it change all of a sudden in a month???
     
  8. As my best friend says, you're trying too hard to make sense of things that don't need sense made out of them, let them take their own course, move on with things, and just relax, maybe he is just freaked out that he's been with you 5 years and passed up all those chances in college for random hook-ups, that would suck in my shoes, but I was almost there, now please for your sake, stop worrying, and just realize you are in the withdrawal (sp?) stage of a relationship ending, you'll be fine, take a deep breath, go see your friends, and tell them to keep you occupied, trust me they will. Don't drink it won't help at all.
     
  9. lycorisdew

    lycorisdew New Member

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    best of fortune to your mother. as for u, i think u'll b fine. i dunno u, but judging from your words, ur hurting but u can hold ur own against ur heart. u've stumbled. now walk. :bigthumb:
     
  10. AtoorayasGrl

    AtoorayasGrl New Member

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    The thing is...I may not see it now...but how am I going to be fine? We have the same group of friends and everything. He was so much part of my life. I built my life around him and was even willing to move out to Richmond, VA to be with him because that is where he is based out of. Why couldn't he tell me about this before? I'm sure this feeling didn't come out of nowhere. We just celebrated our 5 year anniversary a month ago.... and everything was awesome. He wrote me e-mails telling me how he can't believe it's been 5 years and how much more in love he is with me. Why did he have to do this to me now? He knows the situation I've been going through... it's like he has no heart all of a sudden. My whole life has gone down the drain in front of my eyes. Never would I have thought that I could've been planning my moms funeral and on top of that my "boyfriend" of 5 years decides that he wants to live his life without me....
     
  11. TheManLouisianaFace

    TheManLouisianaFace and decide!

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  12. mushi_999

    mushi_999 New Member

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    that's so sad. hug*'s
     
  13. melda2m

    melda2m New Member

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    He is looking out for his own life. That is what you need to do. It isn't his fault that your Mom is sick and it sucks that she is but he needs to do what is right for him. That would be a waste of his life and it would only make it worse if he stayed longer and kept lying to you. The past five years have not been a waste. During that time you laughed, loved and grew as a person. He may have left you but you probably tried new things and had experiences that you might not have had. It's called experience and you need it to grow as a person. All of this may sound harsh but I don't mean it that way. Things seem bad now but it will get better. Don't waste your time, you only have so much of it.
    You are also concerned about all of your friends being mutual. Don't ask them to take sides, yeah it's shitty but remember you will lose them all if you do. It's an uncomfortable position to be put in, and most people will opt out of that situation.
    Keep your chin up, he was just a guy 5 years or not. Focus on your Mom, you might not have that much time left with her. Your Mom is more important than any guy.
     
  14. AtoorayasGrl

    AtoorayasGrl New Member

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    I'm definetly not asking my friends to choose sides. That would be a childish thing to do. The thing is that he was not just a guy... he was my bestfriend as well. I know I need to focus on my mom and that is what I have been doing. She is doing better as each day goes by but it breaks her heart to see me like this.
     
  15. Madman™

    Madman™ Guest

    seriously you should focus on yourself, and your mother. take time for yourself, if your boyfriend has common sense he will sort things out for his problems.

    take some time which will probably fix the most of things. (usual typical answer)
     
  16. Madman™

    Madman™ Guest

    do you know if he cheated on you? or has another girl in sight?
     
  17. melda2m

    melda2m New Member

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    If it was good, of course he was your best friend. He was supposed to be. Everytime you have a good relationship you will be best friends. It dosen't get any easier to breakup everytime it happens it seems like the end of the world. But at least he was good and told you insted of cheating, or treating you badly, it could be much worse.
    Of course you wouldn't ask your friends to choose sides, but this is how they may intrepret you talking about the breakup to just vent. What I was meaning is to communicate that you are venting or whatever so that no sides are involved. In my experience friends tend to feel that they need to support you and don't know what to do. When you factor in your Mom and her health issues it will possibly make them feel this more so. It was just a bit of advice from my experience it may not be relevent to you or your friends. Best of luck.:wavey:
     
  18. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    :hug: You'll be OK. You're a strong one. :)
     
  19. AtoorayasGrl

    AtoorayasGrl New Member

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    He definetly didn't cheat on me... well one time when we were on a break he ended up telling me 3 years later that he kissed another girl and that it made him feel like shit because he was hiding it from me until he finally burst 3 years later and told me. We ended up getting through that... but I do know that he hasn't really cheated on me because he isn't like that. Trust me, I know. As far as another girl coming into the picture...well that's what I thought. My best friend talked to him yesterday and he said that he just wants to be by himself and be happy with his friends and family. He even told me himself that he doens't want to deal with the relationship "issues." I just hope that it all blows up in his face and that he realizes that he does want to be with me. I talked to his best friend and he even said that he will come crawling back. I'm not going to hold my breath....but I just hope that it will all work out somehow. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep everynight and going out to places and remembering us being together.
     
  20. johan

    johan Active Member

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    It isn't 5 years down the drain. Didn't you have some good times when you were together?
    There's no guarantees of what the future holds.

    "...Why did he only now realize that his heart yearns for something else..."
    That's just the way it is.

    You might not know you want something, until you WANT it.

    How do you know this won't happen AGAIN when you finally meet and marry someone?
    Well that's exactly WHY you go through things like this.



    You met very young, and stayed together. And when he said "you were all he wanted" I'm sure he meant it, AT THAT TIME, but truthfully, how would he have been able to compare?

    He (and YOU!) both need more life experience in order to truly make a statement like that.

    Otherwise, it's just words..cute and all...sort of like when little preschoolers play "house" or when kids play "war".

    It's just all pretend make-believe, and they know nothing of the realities of an adult relationship or of combat.

    He is now off getting that life experience. YOU SHOULD TOO. Only then are you able to make a wise choice about your life, and your life partners.

    Don't hate him. He simply matured at a different rate than you.



    When you're older, wiser and married, you'll laugh a bit, look back and realize this is simply the way of the world, and growing up and learning about relationships.
     
  21. B00M

    B00M I speak of peace while covert enmity

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    It's probably difficult to see right now...especially in lieu of your emotional vunerability...but he's not for you. If he's capable of this after 5 years he's been capable of it all along. It's ok to cry for a while...mourn the loss of what you thought you had. It's also totally understandable why the double emotional whammy has hit you so hard. Look at this as an out you've been given. You've just been rescued from a one-sided relationship...somewhere there's a loving, tender, person meant for you. Instead of viewing this as losing a love see it as an opportunity to find the love you really deserve. Once the grief has subsided and you've accepted that this is what's best for the both of you it will be easier to be around him as friends.

    And stay strong girl...I'll keep you and your mother heavy in my thoughts.
     
  22. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    He is right. He is probably suffering ut he just isn't showing it on the outside to everyone around him.

    Enjoy your friends and if so.. go out to the bar and have a good time. Just try to enjoy your life where it stands minus him.

    Things will only look up for you! Just keep your head up and look for what to come!
     
  23. crazy15

    crazy15 New Member

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    sorry to be slightly offtopic,but is your bf a member of OT? because i could of sworn this same thing happened, but from the bf's perspective.
     
  24. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Thats what i'm saying or else someone else is having similar problems and we are mixing the up!
     
  25. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Her name is "Atoorayasgrl" so that would mean that her bf is Atooraya :mepoke:
     

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