SRS 3 year relationship down the drain.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by saiaba, Apr 1, 2008.

  1. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    Keeping this story short is probably not an option.. and no cliffs provided.

    Met this wonderful girl back in 2005, when i met her I knew she was the one, never ever ever felt that strong for someone, and that connected right out of the gates. 06 was a hard year, i got in a terrible car accident, lost my job, and started to head into depression. She stuck with me through it all going above and beyond.

    2007 was the worst, i had family members die in a plane crash, one die from cancer, finishing up my last year in college had me under some stress, and the depression that started at the end of 06 was full fledged in 2007. I was under different medications that made me act in various ways, and still she stuck with me eventhough i wasn't the nicest and became very selfish. (we broke up march 07, but planned to work things out)

    08 comes I finally felt like I turned the corner, planned to ask her to get back together on new years eve, as a great surprise. She completely stood me up, and wouldn't answer her phone or anything of that nature.. I sent her a pretty pissed off email which she said kept her from calling me back. I don't see her for two weeks, when we do we get in a huge argument she leaves calls me a few days later and says she doesn't want to try things anymore.(first week of feb)

    I convinced her to spend time with me for valentines day and we did, things were great for the next week and a half, she asked me if i wanted to get back together with her, I said idid but that i wanted to give her a few more days to make sure things were right for her. (bad mistake i guess)

    4 days later she said she couldn't try with me anymore, and no longer wanted to get back together..

    *side notes*
    She is now going through depression, which I feel is a result of having to deal with me, and her giving her all trying to help me out. Her family hates me (interacial situation) her friends are telling her to move on, she is planning on going back to school in DE, and I am planning to move to Co.

    She says the reason she didnt show up for new years, and started acting weird afterwards was because she had a miscarriage and felt like she couldn't talk to me about it, (because of the arguments and issues we had going on at the time) and started hating me for that reason.

    She still says she sees us together down the road, hopes we can get there, still loves me etc etc. Also stated that she needs to find herself, meaning she feels as if she is in my position from 07, and does not want to put me through what I put her through. She wants space from me now, and I can't handle the space... We used to talk 3-5 times a day phone, email, text whatever. Now it is just dead silence, she has a lot of new "friends" and i feel like these new guys have replaced me in her life.

    I know i should move on, even with her saying she sees us together in the future, but I still feel like this is worth fighting for. We just spent this past weekend together thurs night till sunday, went out all over town things were great, better than when we were together.. I feel as if that was our last weekend together ever.

    Toss me some advice please OT...
     
  2. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    I think it's really time for you to move on even if you believe it's worth fighting for. You two will be moving away, and it's only going to make it harder on the relationship. Good luck :hs:
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Let me break this down for you. THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN. YOU WILL 99% chance NOT END UP TOGETHER.

    Her family and friends dislike you, what she is doing says she doesn't like you...

    She's just trying to be nice and give you an answer to make you go away, and leave her alone. Hence the nice "she still loves you, sees you being together, but needs to find herself first". She may actually find herself, but you are NOT in the big picture.

    She's hoping that by telling you "not right now" you'll go on, live your life, find someone else, and move on and forget about her.

    Get it now?
     
  4. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    Yeah that was my initial thought when she first stated it around the start of feb. I straight up asked her if she wanted me to go away, if she was just playing nice to not hurt my feelings etc..

    she says no she really does want something.... although it does seem like her answer is starting to change.

    And as far as that moving away thing goes, we were both going to move to Co, till this came up, so now we may possibly be moving apart, i'm trying to see what is going to happen in the short run to see if i should move out there or stay near her to see what will happen.. All in all I feel like a big dumbass in this situation, I broke up with her, I hurt her (even if i didnt know what was going on during my depression) now i lost a wonderful girl, and i feel like she is just putting up with me.

    I know i should leave her alone but i do not know how to, everything in my life crosses her path in some form.
     
  5. Titan King

    Titan King New Member

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    You need to handle the space, you need to get friends to replace her. Eventually she may come to talk to you herself or she may never talk to you. Either way, you need to keep moving in life.

    The best answer to this is to convey indifference. Whenever you see her, ignore her. Simple. It sounds easy but it's going to be very hard. If everything in your life crosses with her, just ignore her.
     
  6. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    yeah I will try.. She asked for space starting last monday, then she talked to me in some form every day since then.. Then told me again this past weekend she wanted space, and proceeded to call me monday, and has emailed me a few times today here at work..

    Its like I keep getting tugged in different directions.. I almost feel like if i ignore her that will kill whatever chance I have left.
     
  7. Titan King

    Titan King New Member

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    Well maybes its a different type of space. Maybe she wants space from talking the way you used to. Maybe she wants to talk to you normally but not in-depth. If you get my meaning.

    Just treat her the same way she treats you. If she sends you a email, send one back, but don't get enthusiastic and send lots.

    Or you could take the risk and try ignoring her a couple of times, that should give her the "space" she needs.

    Evidently she's confused. She wants space and she wants to talk.
     
  8. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    yeah i feel she is confused also. Thank you for the advice keep it coming if you can think of anything else.

    this isn't my biggest concern, but my biggest problem right now is thinking about her and dealing with this situation is crippling me at work, I am not really getting anything done, and I haven't been ontime in like 3 weeks.

    I really need a way to cope, and my current friends don't seem like a worthwhile alternative.
     
  9. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    Think about how much better you'll feel when you get your shit together at work. Yeah, the situation is a bitch, but no reason to let her weigh you down in other aspects of your life. Why aren't your friends a worthwhile alternative?
     
  10. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    Seems like everyone is going through some kind of major event at the same time, and at the moment I feel like dating someone else is out of the question. (i'm 26 and everyone is 24-30ish)
     
  11. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    my first gf used to tug my emotions around as well; one day being very close and saying how she couldn't be happy with out me and the next day way distant and hanging around other guys. I didn't know wtf I was doing so I stayed with that way too long; this road only gets more painful.

    Put it this way, this is one of the worse situations to be in, and her doing this only makes you more invested in her. You're constantly trying to figure out what you need to do to get her back, whether you said the right thing, how to play the game right...all for a girl that doesn't deserve your time. What eventually helped me get over my ex was no contact; I became a horrible childish asshole in her eyes but a month of not talking to her when I saw her in the three classes we shared made all the difference. Just remember you're worth having a fulfilling relationship, and if she's willing to let you go, her loss. Just make it a clean break.
     
  12. Titan King

    Titan King New Member

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    You need a holiday.
    You need to join a sports club.

    That way you'll make new friends. Head over to the gym, workout or join a basketball club. Take your mind off things.
     
  13. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    Yeah a clean break is going to be really rough, she has been my life for three years, and my idea of my future was based around/involved her.

    I have been working out a lot more lately.. and thinking while working out pisses me off more and gives me more workout motivation heh.:noes:
     
  14. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    a future she has made obvious that she doesn't want to be a part of, you just can't see it, we all can. Break it off now and start the healing process, this is just going to get dirty and you're going to be hung up on her for months.

    However I was in the same spot and didn't end it when it needed to be, so I understand that as well. Good luck man
     
  15. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    Yeah, I guess she doesn't want me to be a part of her future.

    **Update***

    I sent her an email yesterday, (short version) just letting her know I will be thinking about her ( she is having two surgeries, one is on friday) and to call me if needed.

    She replied but only to selective parts of the email.
    She called me, but I had left my cell phone at home ( to keep myself from calling her)
    I then called her back, and she sounded annoyed and was wondering why I called. Then her "mom" called (she never used to talk to her mom a lot, all of a sudden every time we talk her "Mom" calls or needs her or she has to go meet with her "mom" I know it's b.s /another guy/an excuse to get away.) so she had to go, but would call me right back... well an hour later she called.. and I didn't answer (left no voicemail)...

    Seriously, I am struggling to not talk to her right now, tried movies, exercise, calling old friends, going out, spending time with this girl that is head over heels for me, but nothing takes my mind off of it. (Yes we are both in our mid 20's) And I know this part sounds retarded, but she then (later that night) left a comment on my myspace saying a picture of mine was cute, so that has my thoughts all over the place.

    This shit is rough, I feel bad for not calling her back, because I find it rude not to call someone back. I feel like a dumbass for sending her the email, and calling her back the first time. My goal for today is not to respond to anything she says, I have a feeling she won't even attempt to contact me though, and that hurts enough on its own.
     
  16. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    actually, I'd bet you'll hear from her occasionally. She doesn't want to be with you, but she loves the thought of you pining away for her. So she'll call/email/text every once in awhile just to keep you thinking about her and wanting her.

    She's already doing it.
     
  17. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    A few weeks ago Id say I don't think she's capable of something like that, since she was always so honest and loving.
     
  18. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    The more you want her, the less she wants you.

    The less you want her, the more she wants you.
     
  19. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    Well now that you put it in perspective...

    just joking with you, yeah i know.. that's the way it goes sometimes. :hs:
     
  20. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    you'll soon learn that every person is capable of it. in my experience women can be the vicious ones at the end of a long term relationship. it makes me wonder whether she loved that specific man she was with, or just a man in general. I guess I've seen more relationships fail than not where it seemed that the woman considered the man disposable, and was able to move on quickly.
     
  21. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    I understand that, and her friends voices in her head probably didnt/don't help the situation.
     
  22. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    Sorry I need to bring this back. I really can't get my ex out of my head, and she is now saying she wants to try again, meaning try to start over and move forward. We spent last weekend together and nothing negative happened..

    The only thing that doesn't add up is she says she wnats to move forward etc etc.. and she i guess is forgetting I have her email password and i checked yesterday and she just signed up for this like local singles website.. but had herself listed as not looking yet. She said she was just looking for new friends.....

    damn I love this girl so much I feel like I am being a big fucking retard though. Second chance and benefit of the doubt? or when in doubt kick the bitch out?
     
  23. winks

    winks New Member

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    I know what its like to lose a long, meaningful relationship, and I've been through a bit of what you are going through as well. I've gotten past that, but only through distance and not talking with her anymore.

    From what I've been reading, she has always had the control of the situation. What you need to do is take control of the situation yourself.

    I don't know if this is good advice or bad advice, so take it with a grain of salt; but if I were in your particular situation with the same feelings, I would give it one more chance, and one chance only. I would tell her straight up that this going back and forth so much is killing me and I can't take it anymore, this is the last chance I am giving for the relationship.

    If it doesn't work out, or she says no thanks, she never wanted anything strongly enough to begin with. I would cut all ties, change my phone number, my email, and try to get a fresh start in that area of my life.
     
  24. brujito

    brujito New Member

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    I know this is hard but you must let her go and get her out of your life. She keeps stringing you along and hurting you. it really isn't worth the mental damage shes inflicting on you. Also, having her email password isn't the best idea in the world. You could have found something much worse than her registering at a singles site.

    I have been in your shoes and what drove me over the edge was me realizing what she was doing. I erased her number from my cell, changed numbers and moved out of where I was living. It isn't easy but what in life is?
     
  25. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Don't do it. She doesn't really want to "try again, get back together and move forward". IF SHE REALLY WANTED THAT, SHE WOULD HAVE DONE IT EARLIER.

    It's been, what, 2 weeks since you two broke up?

    SHE'S FEELING LONELY. THAT'S IT.

    If you did try to get back together, it would last about 3 days before she got tired of you again.

    STAY AWAY

    Oh yeah, lose her email and password, or email her back and ask her to change it. You have absolutely NO business going through someone's email.
     

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