SRS 3 months since the breakup, and I'm still hurting, and confused

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by The Green Bastard, Nov 15, 2005.

  1. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    The past 2-3 weeks, I just haven't been feeling myself. I'm not sure what it is, but I haven't been sleeping well, I've been snappy with people, lazing about my job, developing a short temper, and really complaining a lot about my job, about people, having problems concetrating on tasks, etc. It's not my norm.
    Plus, as the weeks get closer to christmas, I'm thinking A LOT about my ex. Thinking of the gifts I had planned to buy for her, the christmas we were to share together. I find myself missing her more and more each day, and that missing her is really putting a dampening on my spirit and moods.
    We were best friends before we started dating, and remain that now, so we keep in contact every now and then, seeing how the other is doing.

    But I'm really in bad shape, mentally, and my brain's been mush for a while now. And to top it all off, I have a herniated disc in my back, and am in constant pain. Sometimes focusing on that pain makes me temporarily forget about my ex, and my broken and confused heart, but it's just that...temporary.
    I really don't know what to do with myself. I can actually see me losing my job because I just can't seem to do it anymore.

    I am seeing someone else now, and I don't know how that will work out, because I still have a lot of ghosts, but don't want the ghosts to all go away. ANd that's a shame, too, because she's really nice and so easy going. I can see me ruining it. I WANT it to work, but my heart is really throwing a wrench into everything.

    But my mind always drifts back to the ex. All the fun times we shared, the closeness, comfort, and intimacy that I hadn't experienced with anyone else, and I know for a fact I never will again. I've been close to people, some that I have gone out with for longer than the ex and mine wicked year, but I was never as close as I was with her. Never. Every night I still have her beautiful face haunting my dreams.

    I can't help it.

    I am still in love with her. Probably will be for quite some time too.
    My heart doesn't heal quicky, I can tell you that.
     
  2. kakariko

    kakariko Purple Member OT Supporter

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    that's normal.. how long were you dating her for?
    my relationship of 4 years ended ~6 months ago and it still is very hard sometimes..
    fight through it.. it all takes time..
    try to focus on your new interest and if she isn't making you happy, try to find someone who will
     
  3. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    ive dated 3 girls since my last "actual" relationship, and it took just about a year to get her fully out of my brain, and i ruined a potentialy great relationship because of it.

    shes gone, sooner or later you will be better off. the sooner you move on, the sooner you may have something great with the new girl.

    sorry i dont have more to say :hs:
     
  4. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    It's natural, bro. I'm actually going through a similar thing right now. I only dated this chick for several months, but I was really starting to care for her. It's been about 2 months since the last time we talked. I've been feeling fine for the past 6 weeks, and haven't even been thinking about her. But these past couple of days, I've really been thinking about her again. Being the complete idiot that I am, I even tried to call her last night. She didn't answer ... no suprise. Don't be an idiot like me!! It's best to move on.
     
  5. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    We were dating JUST over a year. It was an 200 mile LDR too, but we made every effort to make it work until I could get my finances in order so I could move to her city to be with her. And I'd do it in a heartbeat, should the chance arise. Still would move there to be with her.
    I was in a 3 year relationship a few years ago, was engaged, and we broke up, and this last relationship hurts me more than that one did.
     
  6. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Sounds like a combination of the normal winter depression and a breakup. It sucks. But you need to tough it out and make new memories.
     
  7. LOSAT

    LOSAT Guest

    The feelings after a relationship breakup are the same as that of a bereavement.

    The only things that help are time and keeping yourself occupied.

    If you've got a couple of close friends, lean on them a bit.
     
  8. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I do usually get into a winter funk, but last year when I was with her, I didn't get it. First non-depressed winter ever.
    It's settin in like a bastard this year.
     
  9. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    My close friends aren't really the "you'll get over this" type, because they still really like Kim too. She's a riot.
     
  10. LOSAT

    LOSAT Guest

    Do you have someone you can call at like 3am in the morning and they'll be cool about it? those are the friends you need.

    Someone who'll just listen to you go on about how great she was/is, how much you miss her etc.

    You need to talk it out of your system but also keep yourself occupied. A wandering mind isn't helpful
     
  11. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    3 months is not very long at all. It's been 2 years since my break up and I still think about her. In fact I'm taking her out tonight. Yesterday I was thinking "Oh I'm definitely going to hit it" --why? I don't know, to gain some control? To feel superior? But today I'm more like "What's the point? She's a bitch. She doesn't deserve me."

    Plus one girl I've been getting together with once every couple weeks is too cool for me to still be hung up on the ex. It's not that I'm still in love with her. It takes time for strong feelings from the past to dissolve. Some days I am great--I don't think about her at all, I don't like her, etc. but of course there are relapses. That's normal.

    Focus on the girl you're with now. You WILL get over the ex one day. Right now you might be feeling a bit manic depressive when it comes to her but that's normal. It gets easier as time moves on. If you loved her a lot your feelings may never completely go away but you will certainly be able to enjoy a normal relationship again. When you do move on and this new girl isn't in the picture anymore you'll be worse off than you were before. Don't let her ruin you twice. Take control of your life.
     
  12. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    See, we're on different playing grounds here. You referred to your ex as a bitch. Kim is no bitch, I would never refer to her as one. Never have, and never will. When we broke up, it wasn't on any bad terms.

    But these past few weeks are killing me. The closer I get to Xmas, the worse I feel. I really an NOT looking forward to anything christmas related this year, because she's not that major part of my life anymore.
     
  13. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Oh, well, my other ex and I broke it off because we moved. And I still think about her :)
     
  14. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I'm thinking about Kim all the time. And I know it's going to be the ruination of me.
     
  15. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    98% of my friends would shoot me if I called them that late to whine about her. I tried 2 months ago to talk her out of my system, but all I could then think about was how much fun we had together, how excellent it felt to be with someone so special, so amazing as her, and how much I miss everything we had. High points and low points. They were all special to me.
     
  16. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    They say that women are the ones who are ruled by emotions and how women dream of romance novel-like relationships, but in the real world I am starting to think that a lot of guys are like this...
     
  17. SpaMan

    SpaMan Mind over matter.

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    Seems like in this day and age, everything in our society is quite shallow. From leisure to work and even most of our relationships with people. It's hard to find true meaning/happiness in life. One of the few ways seems to be connecting with a partner of the opposite sex emotionally/physically. Unfortunately, you're right though, most relationships don't work like a romance novel. It's always nice to dream about "the one" though. :hs:
     
  18. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    What I am saying is that women are the ones who talk about how they want a romance novel-like relationship where love overcomes all, but it's not as often that you hear a girl say, "I can't get over him, and I keep thinking that if I keep trying and I show him how much I love him and how I would do anything for him then he will realize how great we would be together!". Instead, you hear this shit from guys all of the time. Every dating forum I go to it is about 90% to 10% ration in favor of men who act like they are stuck in a romance novel. I guess it's because guys believe that by being such a giver that in return for this "niceness" that women will eventually fall for them. I don't know.
     
  19. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I'm a true giver, and a firm believer in chivalry. I put a woman I'm dating on a pedestal, and will shower her with attention. That's just me. I put EVERYTHING I'm capable of into a relationship, without smothering her. I want to make a woman feel adored, cherished, loved, and feel important.
     
  20. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    I know MEN can hurt (experience the dreaded "Soul Pain") as much, if not more than women. These men are not losers, in fact, they are outstanding.
     
  21. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    :hs::wavey:
     
  22. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    To make a girl feel adored, cherished, loved, etc doesn't mean you have to shred any sense of self respect. In fact, I question how much love you can really give when you don't love and respect yourself. Don't tell me you do because if you put your woman up on a pedastle above yourself then what you are saying is that she is better than you and that your goal in life is pretty much to make her happy. Anyone with a real sense of self respect would understand that they are their partners equal, and deserve the same amount of respect and giving that they are willing to give. You cannot do that by putting your woman on a pedastle. In fact, you are setting yourself up for some major heartache in the future because this doormat behavior tends to not only be taken advantage of, but how much can someone respect you when you don't even respect yourself? How can someone truly love you if you can't truly love yourself?

    By the way, that's not chivalry, that like a child loving it's mother. It's pretty sad.
     
  23. LOSAT

    LOSAT Guest


    I guess people react in different ways. I don't have much experience with this, I've never really been dumped.

    I was dumped as a friend by a girl though. Being rejected as a boyfriend I would imagine is bad enough - but being rejected as a friend :wtf: she just stopped calling or answering her phone after a few years of friendship.

    That hurt...luckily I had this other friend that I could call anytime day or night.


    Best of luck.

    You've still got OT and AH pron :hug:
     
  24. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    It's not that bad. Trust me, she put me high on a pedestal, so to speak, for almost all of the year we were together. We were that close. We treated each other equally, but held a lot of respect for each other as well.
     
  25. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Thanks man!
     

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