I rarely ever post in here but I do read the VAG quite frequently. This will probably be a long post, but I really just have to vent and maybe someone can help with some of their insight/experiences. My ex and I were together for 5 yrs. We broke up 2 years ago. I tried the NC rule on/off during the 2 years... but I kept giving in at random times. It also didn't help that her family loved me and kept calling/im'ing me and inviting me over to the kids (her nephews/nieces) birthdays. During the 5 years we were together, 2.5 of it was kind of rocky. Her mom passed away from cancer and thats when things started to get rocky. Eventually she broke it off. I actually kept up the NC rule very well this year... but then her father passed away from cancer about 1.5 months ago. Very sad to lose both parents at her age (she just turned 30 and I'm about to turn 31). I put myself there to be there for her and her family. I only planned to attend the ceremony/funeral and help out with some stuff, then go back to NC. I had 2 weeks vacation for Xmas/New Years and so did she, but we had our own plans for it. But somehow, we ended up spending a lot of time together. The 1st week of Christmas break, we spent every day together. When we went out she would hold my hand. One night she pulled me in and kissed me. We even decided to take a weekend getaway to San Diego. It was like we were a couple again. We even made love a few times while down there. I was very hopeful that we would get back together. She even came by my house the Saturday before NYE and again we made love. Then this past week (week of NYE/NY), I slept over on Monday. Tuesday she said her friends from LA are coming up this week so she was having dinner w/them on Tuesday and partying w/them for NYE. She said she'd see me on New Year's Day for her family's dinner. I pretty much didnt hear from her Tuesday/Wednesday other than a quick Happy New Year txt. It was a big change from spending everyday with her to just that. I went by New Years day for her family dinner, and notice that her family wouldn't look at me in the eyes. And she was avoiding contact w/them as well. I decided to drink some wine and then she said don't drink too much because I have to drive home... that it's not a good idea for me to sleep over anymore... and that we should talk. So I said fine, lets talk. Turns out during the 2years we were broken up, she had dated another guy for 1.5 yrs of it (but broke up back in August). This really shocked me, as she never told me. She said she was scared of hurting me. That alone made me feel kinda gross for what we did in San Diego. She said she still didn't know what she wanted and didn't want to be with me. She said she wanted to talk some more but it was getting late, so I left. I didn't see her Friday because she went to hang out w/those same from LA. But I later found out thru a friend of mine that he saw my ex at the club totally making out w/a guy on the dance floor at the NYE party. I heard she left the party w/him and didn't home till the morning. I asked her about it and she said "Yes, I really like him. He's from LA." I didn't mention the part about making out and running off with him. That made me feel even MORE gross about what happened between us in San Diego and at my house, just a few days ago! This infuriated and disgusted me, so I told her she is not someone I want in my life anymore. And as sad and hurt as I was, I was glad to finally know about her most recent ex and this new guy, as it makes it a lot easier to just end it all. She said she doesn't know what she wants yet, and if it takes partying and going wild and meeting guys to do it, so be it. She said she never got to experience that stage in her life, and she wants to do it now that she turned 30. So we said our final goodbyes... and my friends dragged me out to a club. The my ex's sister started IM'ing me saying she has been crying for the past few days about how my ex has been treating me and leading me on. She said that all the brothers/sisters saw her and her LA guy on the dance floor and all got disgusted with her. So they had a huge fight (which was why my ex didn't talk to them or that they all couldn't look at me at the New Years dinner). She also said the entire family loves me and that I deserve much better and I should move on. I agreed with her... but why does it still hurt? I know she is totally not the person for me now, but it still hurts. I still don't have much of an appetite. And while I slept better last night then any other night the past week, I still didn't have a good sound night of rest. I guess I need time to 'heal' again even though we never were really together. She said I was the only one there for her for her father's death, and she loved me for that, and that's why what happened... happened. I think it's hard because I haven't had a gf since her in the past 2 years... I've had a few odd dates but it never really worked out... while guys are totally drooling all over her. My boy said to just think of this as a Holiday FB... enjoyed it while it lasted and just move on. Doh! I think I totally brought this on myself.