2nd date, girl wants me to hang out with her friends..

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by M.O.B., Nov 15, 2005.

  1. M.O.B.

    M.O.B. New Member

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    Me and this girl had a great one on one first date last Sat. We spent a couple hours talking at the bar and also while dining. Went to a club and afterwards we sat in her car for another couple hours talking. There was lots of touching by her and me as well and we both french kissed at the end of our date.

    So she just e-mailed saying she would love for me to come out with her and some friends for her best friends B-day next Sat! They will be going to bars or a club to celebrate. I am thinking that it will be less than 5 of her friends going. I don't know what to do in this situation. I am thinking about not going because more than likely it should be a "girls night out". But another part of me thinks she will feel rejected if I dont go. So should I or not?

    While we had a great time by ourselves, I tend to get shy in larger groups because you feel pressured to impress more than one person so it could kill anything afterwards.
     
  2. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    I say you should go.... but try to hang with her one-on-one again before you do. Establish some continuity to your "one-on-one, intimate personality" so she knows you weren't putting up a huge act on the first date. This will also help you gauge if she friendzoned you or if she's still thinking a relationship.
     
  3. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    I can understand feeling akward in situations like that but it'll pass. It's never stopped me from being the only girl hanging out with my SO's and their friends. If they didn't want you there they wouldn't ask.

    One thing that irritates me is when a guy wants me involved in his friends and family life but makes every excuse in the world not to take part in mine. Does everything to get out of it. Doesn't show a whole lot of interest in the relationship. SOOO many girls end up in relationships that are that way and it's not right. So it's a major bonus if you suck it up and be open minded about it. If you care and you are serious about wanting it to work out then nothing else matters. I say go.
     
  4. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

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    Just do it.
     
  5. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    2 sides to it.

    1) She probably really likes u and wants to know how u mix with her friends.

    2- She wants to know what her friends think about u.
     
  6. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    See, for me it would be exactly the opposite. I'd love to be in an SO's family, but wouldn't want her involved in mine; but primarilly it would be for HER own good. My family is the type I usually try to avoid at all costs -- way too much shitty drama that I have no time to deal with. An SO and her friends/family would be a great way to escape from my own to a certain extent.

    Does that sound bad? :hs:
     
  7. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    Honestly it would scare the hell out of me if a guy didn't want me involved with his family or friends regardless of the reason why. They are apart of your life no matter how you slice it. Tell me beforehand you will understand if I choose not to be around them for some reason. Maybe they are offensive??

    I'm a huge believer that family is the most important thing. Friends come a close second and should be important to the SO just as much. If you don't allow me make those observations and decisions on my own, after time, and not allow me to at least have a chance to be apart of that I would very seriously question your seriousness in the relationship.

    9 times out of 10 if a guy doesn't allow you to be apart of that usually it means he's a player and doesn't tend to keep girls around very long. Tell me anything you want that is what I know and what is going to go through my head. Are you really hiding me or your family? It should not be that big of a deal.

    I'm a big girl. Dont make those choices for me. You may not like your family but thats not going to make them disappear. It also doesn't mean I won't like them.
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2005
  8. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    Aside from your whole agoraphobia thing, you should realise that if you impress her friends you will be home sweet. I don't mean impress as in try too hard - they'll realise you're a twit instantly. Just be the type of guy any woman would love to go out with. That means being charming without being a complete doormat, basically.
     
  9. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    you are making a huge assumption. some people really are simply made uncomfortable introducing people to their family. I love my family to death and I absolutely HATE HATE HATE introducing girls to my family, no matter how serious i am. I find it nerveracking. I don't particularly want to meet the girls parents either. Some families have pleasant facades, so you can get to know them slowly and work off a good first impression, and other families wear their dirty laundry on their sleeves. It would take you 15 minutes to notice everything i dont like my family, and days to understand how great they are.

    in addition, if i didnt like my family, it would be very easy to "make them disapear". I dont understand what you mean by this. Unless someone lives with their family and still wont introduce you, it is VERY possible to make your family disapear out of your life. I would never do that becase i love mine, and they love me, but it would be very easy to do.

    few simple reasons:

    1. my families house is a dump. they make good money, so there is no reason for it, but im embaressed by the way they live, and I am pretty low class myself. I live with 2 other guys and all we do is party all the time, and we still keep our house less cluttered and broken down.

    2. My parents often argue. My dad is very likely to do whatever he pleases whenever he pleases regardless of etiquitte or social convention, no matter what kind of company is around. its a little annoying when its just family. its mortifying when you have a girl. late night trips to the kitchen in his tighty whities? its his house he wants to be comfortable. biting his fingernails at the table in a nice resturant? whats wrong with that... :ugh:

    3. People have different sides to their personality. The good son side of mine is pretty out of line with my usual bad boy self. this is uncomfortable trying to balance.

    all of this said and done though, if you said "i find your family offensive and don't want to be around them" you are done on the spot. finished.
     
  10. M.O.B.

    M.O.B. New Member

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    Alright great responses so far!

    I forgot to mention that this girl just got out of 1.5 yr RL back in july. Someone metioned to me on another forum that if I go and don't "act" busy that day I will land in "LJBF" land. Another thing about this girl is that she seems way to interested in me for such a short amount of time. Like after the first phone call she wrote a pretty thorough e-mail saying how great it was to talk to me. Is she desperate or likes to move fast so she could quickly scratch me off her list as potential LTR?

    I just feel like it's all too much too soon and it feels so rushed.
     
  11. M.O.B.

    M.O.B. New Member

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    I have suffered in the past from panic attacks and still have agoraphobia to a certain degree. I just have a hard time in larger groups of people on opening up and impressing them. I mean I can get quiet and shy if I don't click with this group of friends. Hell I amazed myself on this date because I was not shy at all but when it comes to large group I fear it will be the other way around.
     
  12. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    Understandable... but that's a part of the package. There are things in my family that I'm no where near proud of either but again.. part of the package. That is where you see what people are really made of. How they deal with it and accept and roll or visa versa. If someone doesn't want to deal or accept those things then honestly that would (just like you) be a be all end all of a relationship for me. You cannot and will not like everything in life. Sometimes you have to suck it up. If it's not worth it to you then you aren't worth it to me.

    Been in plenty of relationships like that. I'll admit one in particular was really bad about a lot of these things and not only that they caused a lot of chaos in our own relationship that was pointless... Mainly this is probably the reason I feel so strongly about all this. It was in high school. I was around his family just about on a daily basis and he had 0 to do with my family. I finally realized I deserved way better. My family also has some of those traits you listed ...but once again thats part of the package.


    That last part makes all the complete difference in the world. That is my whole point. If you are apart of your family's life and serious about me then in my mind there is nothing else to be said. Show me my worth. Your family is apart of you and who you have become. They are not disposable. Are some families? Yes but I'm talking about people who actively participate in their families be it happy or not.

    Nothing I can't agree with more. That just solidified everything I've said.

    In my eyes, when you bring in this part of the relationship you see what people are really about. How self centered they are and how much they care about what is important. When I take a guy to my house or my friends I'm looking for nothing less than I would be willing to give to his family or friends. How can you mesh if you aren't both willing to give 100%? I don't want someone who is going to be pissy and moody and sit like a mute in a corner and try to watch tv the whole time. I want someone who is going to be pleasant and somewhat conversive. That is a big deal to me. I want someone open minded friendly and involved and if that's not, fine but I need to know that. Just like you implied... if there is an attitude about it because I'm doing this TO them and they don't want apart of it then they aren't the person for me. I need to know that.

    MOB - on a side note if you want things to move slow... (or slower), nothing wrong with that. Thats a good thing. BUT you need to be completely up front with her on that. If you want to bow out of the friend thing for now thats fine. Just make sure you keep in mind everything needs to move at that same pace on all levels. Slow in every category, one phase at a time.
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2005
  13. Sebulous

    Sebulous New Member

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    . and .

    hit it right on the head. Dont try to hard to impress her friends, they will be able to tell. Also means dont be stupid.
     
  14. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    OK, first I have to clarify what I meant by "my family" -- I wasn't talking about the person I'm around every day (I'm an only child, living with only my mother. My dad died back in 2000, so she's the only 'immediate' family I have). I was talking specifically about my EXTENDED family. The folks I only see at birthdays, holidays, etc. Them, I don't really want around. They're nice enough -- superficially speaking. However there's alot of history there that just makes me scoff and think them to be ridiculous.

    Absolutely. IMMEDIATE FAMILY is important. Past that however, who gives a damn? And I've never really had a circle of friends in a normal sense. I generally don't "go out" and do things with people; while I do get along with them, they aren't people I'd want to hang out with, either that or they just never ask me to go with them to do stuff when they've got a group together.



    Hmm.... can't agree with you there. I'm not a player, in fact I've never had a serious relationship simply because I don't like to get attached to someone until I can be reasonably sure about them. I've gotten burned too many times by thinking optimistically about people; and frankly I feel like the idea of "needing" someone is ridiculous. I get along just fine on my own, thank you very much.

    If I were to enter into a serious relationship, though, believe me it isn't something I'd give up without a major fight to keep things alive. Loyalty and the desire to keep people happy are a big deal to me. If I found someone that I could legitimately care strongly for, it wouldn't come lightly. I'm way too picky about personality to fall for someone bad.

    Ah, but that creates a problem. If you like my family, and I don't, I'd feel like you were forcing me to like or be around people I don't want to like or be around. That's a bad situation.
     
  15. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Women love to show off their men.

    2nd date is a little early for that, but I would take it as a sign that she is very much into you.
     
  16. M.O.B.

    M.O.B. New Member

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    Alright I have an update here. I talked to her on the phone last night and she said it is only going to be her and her best friend, possibly one more girl, so that makes three girls at most. Now heres the interesting part, there will be some "guy friends" going as well, like 2 or three. I didn't realise she had "guy friends" so this should make it more interesting. What do you all make of the "guy friends" going to this b-day bash? Should I still go based on this new info?

    Oh yeah almost forgot, she said if i were to go it would be her "treat", meaning she would pay for my drinks and getting into whatever bar or club they go to.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2005
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Yes, you should go.

    Don't worry about the other dudes, just keep doing the things that have attracted her in the first place. Hell, I would befriend the guys and get them on your side, then they can look on with jealousy when you are grinding with her on the dance floor :bowdown:
     
  18. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    What do you want to do? That is what you should do... what you want.
     
  19. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    go out with her and her friends and see where it goes. If you feel nothing start hitting on one of her friends,and you may end up back home with both.:)
     
  20. [DWI]

    [DWI] Master of Nothing

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    personally I believe that meeting her friends before you know her well and are comfortable with her is a bad thing. Plus if you have a relationship its less likely a bad first impression on one friend is going to instantly spell disaster. I would try to put off friends for at least somewhere around a month.
     
  21. armond

    armond New Member

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    She wants her friends opinions. Go for it, be your normal self. Don't feel like you have to put on a show.
     
  22. M.O.B.

    M.O.B. New Member

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    Thought I would give you guys an update on what happened and it's not good news :(.

    It was basically a couples night out, me, my date, her best friend, and another guy that was friends with both of them. She never introduced me too them, I had to introduce myself and while sitting there at the table she would constantly blab with her friend while me and the other guy just kind of quietly sat there.

    So we leave there and go hit up some clubs and she buys me beers, while we just stand around and talk. I don't why I do this but I get quiet in social situations so I didn't say much.

    The end of night we are all in her car and she is dropping me off. I am quite toasted and she asks me if I wanted to stay at her parents house, her dad would be home so I thought it wouldnt be a good idea. Did I make a mistake by not taking that opportunity?

    To top it off I wound up getting a dwi not 5 miles from my house! what a shitty night :(
     
  23. TheProwler

    TheProwler Active Member

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    DWI? dude! don't drink and drive. so yeah, you made a mistake by not staying with her :uh:
     
  24. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I seriously hope you learned your lesson from your dwi! Thank Goddess you didn't kill anybody else or yourself!
     
  25. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    update on date. The date went pretty shitty actually, and I didnt enjoy myself at all. All she talked about was her ex husband and how she cant get him to sign the divorce payments and what not. Also i could see she really liked to eat at fine places and seemed to notice fine cars and yeah seemed to care alot about money and maybe even mine, so yeah..
     

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